Here, the Wind is Cold
by Little Boy of Lothering
Summary: "Oh goodness, Hatake Kakashi was not going to be happy."   In which Kakashi is sent to Hogwarts for his own protection, only to discover his bad luck persists no matter where he is.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! This is **IMPORTANT. **

Yeah, the typical Kakashi-goes-to-Hogwarts this. But I put in some stuff that's unique! Like the fact that he'd probably be informed about the tactical advantage of being nice. And that it's acknowledged that magic can actually dangerous! That, and he's always either older or the same age as the Golden Trio, so I decided to try it if he was younger (only by a year - early September birthday, remember?).

So, with the age of Kakashi becoming jounin, I've heard everything from ten to fourteen. I decided to use eleven, even though I'm probably wrong. Why eleven? Because I like the number eleven, simple as that.

Also, I completely fucked with the Naruto-verse. I'm not even going to try and deny it. Kakashi gets the same cursed seal that Sasuke does because hey, I needed to get this idea to work somehow. And I have no idea when Kakashi joined ANBU or became captain because I only read up to when Sai becomes a character in the manga, so if it ever mentions it after that, I'm completely clueless. Please don't flame because of mistakes. This is AU anyway.

Disclaimer: This is on a fanfiction site. I'm borrowing.

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Chapter One

"_Hang in there, kiddo_! _Just a little bit longer_!"

"_Jiraiya-sama, I don't think he's going to make it._"

"_Damnit. Sakumo would skin me alive if he was here._"

"_Kakashi-san, I need you to stay awake for me. Don't sleep—come on, stay awake_!"

Kakashi's head hurt, and all he wanted was for everyone to just shut up. What happened? He couldn't remember and didn't care. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and block out everything, but the woman's voice was drilling into his mind and all the yelling was making it impossible. His breathing was rough; his chest was on fire. Though his eyes were open, his vision was blurry, which wasn't like him at all.

"_He's a thirteen-year-old ANBU on the way to captaincy. How the _fuck _did he get banged up this badly_?"

Suddenly he coughed. Then he coughed again, and he couldn't stop. There was something thick and metallic coming up and somewhere in his mind he vaguely registered it as blood.

"_Shit. Jiraiya-sama, what were you thinking_! _You should've waited_!"

"_I couldn't. His body's too small to take that curse on its own._"

"_That didn't mean you should go and seal it immediately! Look at him_, _he's dying_."

After a forever passed, Kakashi tried to muster up what little strength he had to tell them to be quiet. Nothing came out though, not even more coughing. He felt a hand in his hair, running through it, untying his forehead protector.

"_Orochimaru, wasn't it_?"

"_Yeah. He's looking for recruits. I don't know what he's planning, but it isn't good." _

_ "So he came after Kakashi. Fuck. Ignore the nurse, sealing the curse was the right thing to do." _

_ "Tsunade-san_! _It was irrespons—_"

_ "__Oh, shut up, Keiko-chan.__" _

Cursed. Seal. Orochimaru. Then Tsunade and Jiraiya. Nothing was connecting properly in his head. He coughed again, weakly. In the lull of quiet, he felt his mind grow foggy, dark, and he realized he was falling asleep. Then a hand was on his shoulder, shaking it lightly, and he was jolted back into that half-aware state again.

_ "__Jiraiya-kun, I'll take it from here. Go inform the Hokage.__"_

_ "__I'll bring Sarutobi in when he's awake."_

_ "If he even—"_

_ "I said shut up, Keiko__!"_

Then, even with all the blaringly loud sounds around him, he sank into darkness, thoughts drifting off to nothingness.

.

When he woke up, it was to a white ceiling and birds singing outside the open window.

Even if it was a struggle, he managed to sit up and look around. He could see again, his vision in his one useable eye back to normal. It was a single hospital room, which was rare, even for an ANBU. Speaking of ANBU, he realized that he was out of his armor, wearing a loose shirt and pants like he wore on normal missions. There was a bandage over his left eye, his body still hurt, and his breath came out ragged. Tsunade was suddenly next to him, shoving a glass of water in his face.

"Drink," she said and he followed commands without complaint.

Though it hurt to speak he asked, "What happened?"

Her back went rigid and she pressed her lips into a straight line. He reached up and rubbed his good eye. Even after his worst injuries, he'd never felt this weak or in so much pain.

"I was hoping you'd tell me, Kakashi-kun," she said. "You've sustained no brain damage, so if you don't remember, then you're mind's suppressing it."

What was so bad that his subconscious wasn't even letting him remember it? He pulled his legs to his chest and his wrapped his arms around them, pressing his forehead against his knees. He wished he was still asleep so he didn't need to do this, because there were shadowy memories still there and he didn't want them to take form.

What he did remember was this:

He was on a solo assassination mission, and it went by smoothly. It was around midnight and he was heading back to give his report to the Hokage; the Daimyo of the Water Country was killed with a simple stab through the back of the neck and he was half way back to Konoha before anyone noticed. Then—then—

Orochimaru showed up. Instincts kicked in. The man was a traitor to Konoha, a missing-nin, and by law Kakashi needed to bring him in dead or alive. They fought and for the first time in two years, Kakashi was hopelessly underpowered. He was just about mutilated, his mask shattered, wounded so badly that even his armor was sliced through. Something was said about wanting his strength or somewhere along those lines. Then Orochimaru bit him, and he collapsed.

Wait. Bit him?

"Did he bite me?" he asked, lifting his head up to look at Tsunade, confused. "And I—who got me out?"

"You're a lucky kid, Kakashi-kun," she said and pressed her fingers against his neck. "Pulse is still erratic. Anyway, Jiraiya was going by about half a mile away and felt Orochimaru's chakra signature. He interrupted the fight and got you out of there and back to Konoha as fast as he could. The bite was him marking you; he likes that you're a strong kid and wants to get you on his side."

"I'd never betray Konoha!"

"I know." She smiled, but it looked strained. "Now, you've been out for a week—"

"A week?"

"—so I need to go inform the Hokage that you're awake. Wait here."

He repressed a sigh. She added,

"Be prepared to answer questions you don't want to think about."

Then she disappeared, leaving Kakashi on his own, a panic building.

.

Three days later, the Third Hokage sat in his office, tips of his fingers pressed together. He had reached a dilemma.

Since Orochimaru left, Sarutobi Hiruzen had known he was going to seek revenge against the Hidden Leaf. Hiruzen had always known there was something…off about the man, ever since his first C-ranked mission at the age of eleven all those years ago. He just never suspected he was going to pull young Konoha shinobi into his plan. If he had, he would've kept Hatake Kakashi as close to the village as he could, ANBU title be damned. The boy was too strong for his own good, a dangerous trait when combined with developed mental problems, and Orochimaru knew it.

Full details of what he did to the boy were still unknown, as Kakashi's mental defenses finally showed up seven years too late and put a blockade on the worst of the events. From what he managed to gather, the fight lasted roughly two hours, with the thirteen-year-old on the defensive the entire time, mostly using evasion tactics, the only thing that saved him from being cut clean through on several occasions. Eventually Orochimaru managed to capture him in a genjutsu, psychologically torturing the boy until he could place the cursed seal on his neck.

Jiraiya came in a few moments too late.

The issue was a pressing one. Jiraiya left less than a day after he delivered the dying boy into Tsunade's care, meaning to hunt down, or at least chase off his old teammate. But that didn't mean Orochimaru wasn't going to try and come back for the Hatake, especially since he seemed determined enough to risk killing him in order to gain his eventual loyalty. Sending him on missions was too dangerous for both Konoha and him, and taking him off active duty and sticking him in the village wasn't much better. Tsunade said that within two days' time he would be well enough to leave to hospital, though it was at least another week until his lungs were healed enough that he stopped coughing up blood. Jiraiya was smart enough to bind the curse seal, so unless Kakashi proved to have a weaker willpower than Hiruzen thought, that thankfully wasn't a big contributor to the problem.

All of this lead up to one conclusion:

Hatake Kakashi needed to be placed as far away from Konohagakure as possible.

Anywhere on the Hidden Continents was exceedingly risky, and he'd go stir crazy if he was stuck in a safe house with nothing to do. Since Jiraiya wasn't here, he brought this conclusion to Tsunade, who fully agreed under the condition that he didn't kill himself from boredom. A mission far away was ideal, as Konoha couldn't simply lose one of its greatest shinobi at the moment, especially for however long it was going to take to either kill Orochimaru, or chase him off until Kakashi was mentally secure enough to handle another meeting.

So after nearly a day of neglecting important paperwork, spinning around in his chair like a child and staring up at the ceiling, consulting Tsunade, and playing sixteen games of advanced Sudoku, he came up with a solution. Contact Albus Dumbledore.

The two men met years ago before the man even became headmaster of his school, asked to guard the school on the off chance that a man named Gellert Grindelwald attempted an attack. He was a well-learned man and after a year of highly intellectual conversation, they two decided to keep in touch even after they went their separate ways. Hiruzen knew all about the problems since he left—Voldemort, the Death Eaters, young Harry Potter, issues between the school and the ministry, Sirius Black, the revival of Voldemort—and he knew that if anyone could help with this, it was Dumbledore. Some shinobi who knew about the existence of witches and wizards said they were nothing more than lazy men and women with a stigma on childhood, but Hiruzen knew firsthand that they could also make formidable enemies.

After making his decision, he wrote a short message asking Albus to show up at five in the afternoon the day he received the letter rather than send a written reply. The clock now read 4:59 and liked yesterday, he watched anxiously for the next minute to pass, hoping today was the day. He needed to get Kakashi out of here as soon as possible.

Then the clock struck five and there was a slight popping noise. A man now stood there, wearing elegant robes, his beard and hair to his waist, pointed hat slightly askew on his head, and blue eyes twinkling merrily beneath his half-moon spectacles. Hiruzen smiled broadly and stood, bowing to his old friend, who returned the gesture with his usual grace.

"Albus-san," he said, standing upright and walking around his desk, "how good it is to see you again."

"I was wondering when this day would come," said Albus, kind smile on his face, softened by years of dealing with children. "I only wish it was under less grave circumstances."

In reply, Hiruzen sighed. "Yes, yes. I am afraid that it is finally time for Konoha to call upon Hogwarts' services."

"Anything to help an old friend," answered the other man. "From my understanding, you would like a mission for a young man for his own protection? It seems like a strange arrangement."

Yes, of course it did. Again, Hiruzen sighed and turned around, plucking Kakashi's file off his desk and handing it to Albus. As quickly, but as completely as possible, he explained the disastrous situation and why such measures were necessary as his friend flipped through the document on the young boy's life. Though Albus didn't bother to hide his surprise, the Hokage knew he was already formulating plans in his head.

When he finished, Albus said, "This is troubling." His eyebrows knit together in concern. "The boy has been through a lot in his life. His list of mental problems is extensive. Is he prone to anything that could possibly be detrimental to Hogwarts students?"

Hiruzen shook his head, not at all surprised by the question. "I never spoke to him much as a child, despite his sensei being my successor but now I frequently see him when he comes for missions. He is more a danger to himself than he is to others. In the past year he been on more consecutive A-and S-ranked missions than any other ANBU."

"Well, consider this another S-ranked mission," said Albus, handing back the file. "Voldemort, as you know, has again risen to power, but is in hiding, causing the Ministry to call myself and the boy Harry Potter a plethora of unpleasant names." Hiruzen nodded. "Therefore, Mr. Hatake can infiltrate as a student to protect the school, focusing mainly on Harry and his friends. If secrecy laws do not extend to England, as they did not all those years ago, the other Order members, as well as the children involved, can know who he is so they do not treat him as a child if that's acceptable. Keeping secrets from others is something of a specialty of ours."

Though it was a stretch, Hiruzen answered, "Of course. That would be very useful." In truth, there were no laws saying whether or not secrecy extended past the Hidden Continents. Due to a prior headmaster years and years ago, back in the time of the first Hokage, Hogwarts was one of the very few Outside to know of shinobi existence. "The Konoha headband protects his damaged eye. Perhaps it can be said that it is part of his academy's uniform?"

"An excellent suggestion. Does he always wear the mask that he has on in his picture?" Again, the Hokage nodded. "In times such as these, wizards do not trust those who hide their faces. It will have to go, despite whether or not the boy is uncomfortable."

That, unfortunately, was to be expected. "Yes," he said, "I'll inform him. As much as he'll hate it, he cannot ignore a direct order. He will need to learn magic, I assume."

"Naturally," said Albus. "But that may satiate his intellectual curiosity. Though technically too young for fifth year, he will go into it as that is the year Harry is entering, but I will not restrain him to that. He can learn as far ahead as he likes."

"Will he be able to continue training while there as I did?" he asked, remembering all those hours spent in the Forbidden Forest, enjoying those rare moments of solitude. Albus inclined as head as an affirmative. "Good. I can't have one of my best shinobi getting out of shape, now can I?"

"No, I suppose not. I believe you said that at the moment he is still incapacitated, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"When do believe he will be well enough to travel? It will need to be by portkey, as you know."

Oh, of course he remembered. Of all the ways Hiruzen had ever traveled, portkey was by far the most uncomfortable. But Kakashi needed to be out soon, and waiting another week could be dangerous. "He will be released from the hospital in two days," he answered, though he knew he still wouldn't be in the best shape. "He will be ill, unfortunately, but well enough to use his chakra, move quickly, and throw kunai and shuriken to his usual ability. Unfortunately his lungs have been damaged. Not lasting damage—according to Tsunade-san, a week of medication should heal them fine."

"That's good," said Albus. "Do you have something I can turn into a portkey, by any chance?"

After ruffling through his drawers for a moment, he pulled out a paperweight he never used. It was of a smiling red cat, one that always vaguely disturbed him. Unfortunately it had been a present from one of the council members, so he could never get rid of it. But finally it became useful for something other than simply sitting in his drawer. Albus waved his wand over it before handing it back.

"Two days from now," he said, "at five o' clock, Mr. Hatake must be touching this." Then he added, "And, by chance, does Mr. Hatake speak English?"

"No," answered Hiruzen, "but no need to worry about a translation charm. I still have the books on English I was given. He'll be fluent by Thursday at five." Albus' eyebrows shot up in surprise. He chuckled. "Some things take too long to explain, Albus. At some point within the year, you may find out, but now, I must inform Kakashi-san. Who will meet him?"

"My friend Alastor Moody," he answered. "He usually goes by Mad-Eye. I've mentioned him before. Password?"

He paused, thinking. It needed to be something, well, random, not pertaining to shinobi or wizards. While he did not doubt Moody's competence, he needed to be on the precautionary side, and using something that could not be figured out by logical reasoning was as good a way as anyway.

"Moody-san will say, 'Fences do not make for good relations,' and Kakashi will say, 'But they do make good defenses.'" Albus looked to him quizzically. "It has no meaning."

"I will make sure to relay the message," he said. "I will write to you September first when Mr. Hatake enters school as a student."

"Thank you for your help," said Hiruzen and the two bowed to each other. "Goodbye, my friend."

"Goodbye, Hiruzen."

Then Albus cast another charm over a piece of wood in his hand and disappeared.

Oh goodness, Hatake Kakashi was not going to be happy.

.

Not happy was an understatement. Half an hour later Kakashi found himself staring openly at the Hokage, barely believing what he was hearing. If it had been anyone but the Hokage talking to him, then maybe he would've freaked out right there. But even if he was considerably less tense on the rules now, he knew that being even remotely rude to the leader of village wasn't a smart idea, no doubt about.

"…and I would have you wear your ANBU gear for the first night you meet them," the Hokage was saying, "but your mask is ruined beyond compare. Wear your backup armor, but leave your face uncovered." Yeah, his bloodstained backup armor. If he was supposed to build trust with people who didn't view war the same way shinobi did, then that was a bad way to make an entry. "After that, you are to dress in civilian clothing until the school year starts where you'll be wearing school uniforms."

"I have to infiltrate and defend a school if necessary?" he said skeptically, though even someone with half his level of intelligence would know this is was more for his own protection than anything else. "And this is a school for wizards?"

"Yes," said the Sandaime, like it was perfectly normal. "You will need to learn English as well, so I've provided several language books. I'm assuming you need some form of entertainment over the next two days."

What. The. Fuck.

"O-okay," he said, still trying to wrap his mind around the idea. "So, I'm going to need to do magic?"

This was ridiculous. It had to be some type of trick just to get him to scram for a while. Wizards, witches, giant castles, schools? There was no way all of that could exist. And worse yet, he needed to pretend to be an actual kid! No one but Minato-sensei and his father had treated him like a kid since he five and became a genin. And even they still treated him with respect. His father did because he was, well, a father, and Minato-sensei just enjoyed teasing him. Now he had to let a whole school do it? And he couldn't wear his mask?

Maybe he should've just killed himself when he realized he was going to lose the fight with Orochimaru.

"Oh, it isn't too difficult, Kakashi-san," said the man. "Magic is simply a more concentrated form of chakra. Unlike the chakra we use, which moves through the coils in the body, magic is condensed to the point that a tool—a wand—is necessary to actually use it. Wandless magic does exist, but it's commonly seen in children who lack training and control and can be very damaging to mental and physical health if left unattended for too long. The usual age of training begins at eleven because that's when the magic has dispersed enough in the body to no longer come out in emotional bursts and be used productively."

Kakashi blinked. Here, people generally started early and graduated a few years later because of the difficulty of learning it, with only child prodigies able to fly through it; it was strange to think somewhere out there it was dangerous to start any earlier than the norm. "So if I put the right concentration of chakra through this 'wand', I can do magic like everyone else, Hokage-sama?"

"Exactly." There was no way in hell that this was true. "You will leave Thursday at five—"

"What's my cover story?" he asked on the off chance this wasn't some sick joke. The more it was talked about, the more logical it sounded, which didn't make Kakashi feel well at all. Magic should stay to childhood story books, the type he had read to him when he was two and still had bubble baths. The age of two didn't register to him anymore, instead feeling like a dream, so in a way it was like some made up childhood trickling over into his reality. He was not appreciating it.

"You're a child prodigy from Japan, having studied since you were eleven at Konoha Academy," he answered, "and due to your advancements in your lessons, you were given the option to study abroad. Your headmaster, a good friend of Albus Dumbledore, requested that you be sent there. Professor Dumbledore agreed. You will be there for one year only." Kakashi nodded, thinking that was hands down the easiest cover story he'd ever been given. "Be at my office by four fifty-five Thursday and don't be late."

When the Hokage left, he lay down, staring at that obnoxiously white ceiling. Somehow, he managed to make it through a forty minute discussion with only coughing up blood once. Tsunade said it was an improvement, but all he knew was that it wasn't going to be an improvement until it stopped all together. S-class leaning towards Unranked?

Yeah, right.

.

By some miracle, Kakashi wasn't late.

Normally, unless on ANBU missions, he was late on purpose. But don't be late was said with such finality that he knew there was going to be disastrous consequences if he fucked this up. And this time, it was a legitimate accident.

He was in his apartment after Tsunade finally released him from the hospital, pulling on his newly took-three-fucking-hours-to-clean armor when he was struck by another cough attack. This one was exceptionally bad, probably caused by the amount of movement he was doing today, and by end of it he was surprised he hadn't passed out from blood loss. Cringing, he forced himself to stand before grabbing a cleaning rag and getting the mess of blood off his wooden floor before re-cleaning the front of his armor and washing his face and mouth. Then he stupidly looked up at the mirror.

There was no denying it; he looked terrible. Even Tsunade's miracle healing hadn't been able to do everything, simply because she was forced to focus so hard on his lungs and the worse abrasions on his chest and back, so the cuts on his face were reduced to still-visible scratches. There were dark circles under his eyes caused by chakra exhaustion and, though most people couldn't notice, his breathing still felt a little off. The medication Tsunade gave him was tucked in his weapon pouch next to his kunai and shuriken, and his head was filled with curses to the monstrosity that called itself Orochimaru. If it weren't for him, Kakashi wouldn't even be in this mess.

With a groan of irritation, he turned around and went to pull his mask up, only to remember that he didn't have it with him because he wasn't allowed it wear it. Everything about this was going to suck. He pulled down his forehead protector so it stayed firmly over his Sharigan and left the bathroom, picking up his rucksack. It was filled with the bare necessities: tooth brush, tooth paste, extra weapons, a few pairs of pants, some shirts, and a sweater (Tsunade warned him England was cold, though how she knew was a mystery). Then he saw the clock and his heart almost stopped.

4:54.

Fuck.

He was planning on running there to conserve chakra, but with one minute to go, he had no other option.

"Shunshin no jutsu!"

One second he was in his small, one room apartment, and next he was in the Hokage's office. The man shook his head, exasperated, and said, "There is such thing as a door, you know." When he went to reply, the man cut him off with, "Now, to get down to business. Here, take this."

A paperweight was thrown at him. Like any shinobi ages five and up, he caught it easily. While paperweights weren't supposed to be anything more than an appliance, he had to admit this one was just weird. It was a red cat with wide, staring yellow eyes. Disturbed, he looked away and back towards the Hokage, awaiting explanation.

"That," he said, "is a portkey. At exactly five o' clock, it will transport you where you need to go. It's not a fun mode of transportation, but it's the only way to successfully cross that distance." Apprehensive, he looked down at the…thing in his hand and nodded.

"Also," the Hokage continued, "I want you to understand something, Kakashi-san. To shinobi, this wand waving and their way of fighting is considered easy and ridiculous, but if you get hit by the right type of spell, the likes of which you will read about, you will regret it. Though easy to dodge, once some catch you, they can do damage faster than any jutsu I know of. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," he said, though from what he read, it really did seem a weak way of war. "Anything else, Hokage-sama?"

Again, he nodded. "Their way of fighting there is very different from ours, and the way they live their lives is different, but just because they haven't see the world in the same 'grotesque' manner that you or I have does not mean they're weak." Oh god, this was sounding worse and worse. "That, and to make your mission easier, I want you to befriend the main charge and those close to him."

Now that was too much. "_What_?" he said, the word spilling out before he could stop it, something very uncharacteristic for him.

"This is a protection mission, and not a normal one." Kakashi was struggling to keep his anger down because this was so stupid it hurt. "If you offend them or they don't like you, they'll try their hardest to avoid you, which makes it difficult for them to protect. I'm not saying you need to trust them, but they need to trust you and the easiest way to do this is to play nice and make friends. Even if they know you're different, you need to hold a certain level of what they call normalcy, and the emotionless attitude of a true shinobi is far, far from that list. Have a nice trip, Kakashi-san."

A nice—what?

"Wait, Hokage-sama—!"

But he never managed to finish his question. There was a sudden tug behind his navel, catching him by surprise, and he plunged into darkness.

.

Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, a man who prided himself in always expecting the unexpected, was surprised.

Though Albus informed him that it was a boy he was picking up, he never gave an age, and Mad-Eye imagined someone around the Weasley twins' age—young, but old enough. Instead, it was a child who landed unceremoniously in a heap at his feet, the portkey falling from his hand and onto the grass of the park outside Grimmauld Place. And when the child stood up, Mad-Eye was thoroughly shocked.

Boy was an understatement; the kid couldn't be older than twelve. He stood at roughly 152 centimeters and forty-five kilograms sopping wet. His hair was a wreck, sticking off in different directions, and white. White. One eye was covered by a slanted headband with some sort of swirly picture on it. The one showing was slate grey. His face, though stripped of any baby fat, was definitely that of a child, and one with very fine features. The kid looked at him expectantly, head cocked to one side, a slight red tinge of embarrassment on his cheeks, and Mad-Eye remembered about the password.

"Fences do not make for good relations," he said, swiftly followed by the boy answering, "But they do make good defenses."

The kid's English was completely flawless, not a hint of an accident. Albus told him the boy was learning this as his second language in two days, so there was a possibility he might need some help. So much for that.

"Alastor Moody?" said the boy.

So, like any normal person, he answered, "Yes. Call me Mad-Eye. Everyone does."

"Nice to meet you, Mad-Eye-san," he said with a bow. "I am Hatake Kakashi—Kakashi Hatake in your language. What time is it here?"

Like most of the world's population, Mad-Eye had never encountered a shinobi before, or anyone from that land. Hell, he never even knew the Hidden Continents existed. All he knew from Albus was that they spoke mostly Japanese there, their wars were brutal, and they used magic rather than chakra.

"Eleven in the morning," he said and he boy's one visible eye blinked. "I was told it was five were you came from." He let out a short laugh. "Be prepared for the fun that is body clock adjustment. You were debriefed on the mission?"

"Very thoroughly," answered Hatake dryly. "Though I wasn't informed of where I would actually be going, come arrival."

"To the Order's headquarters," he said, and held out a slip of paper with address. "Read that, and memorize it. If you have any questions, they'll be explained there. Got it? Good." He took back the paper and slipped it into his pocket. "Now looked across the street."

If the kid was surprised by a house suddenly sliding into view, he didn't show it. "They all know I'm coming, correct?"

"The adults do." He headed off, the boy following with an unnatural quiet, even when they walked over the cobblestone street. Entering and exiting the house in the day was never an easy affair, and he glanced around with his eye to make sure no one was watching. He unlocked the door and motioned for Hatake to enter. "We're meeting them in the kitchen."

Though he eyed the door warily, he stepped over the threshold and they were in.

.

Hope you enjoyed! I'll get the second chapter out soon. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I wrote this chapter in under a day! Yay!

There's some OOC here, but I think that's only to be expected. Also, Kakashi goes a little schizophrenic.

Review!

Disclaimer: Just borrowing.

.

Chapter Two

Kakashi's first introduction to the Order of the Phoenix was laughter.

Mad-Eye had one hand on his shoulder, steering him down the hallway towards the kitchen after he dropped his duffle bag by the door. His mind was screaming at him to tell the man he didn't like physical contact, but the Hokage's warning of "play nice" was echoing in his head. When they approached the desired destination, there wasn't much noise coming from the room until suddenly, when he was right outside the door, several people broke into peals of laughter. It took all his self control not to jump in surprise at the sound, because this house was one of the gloomiest he'd ever been in, and the laughing felt so out of place. Mad-Eye's grip tightening for a moment before the man opened the door.

All laughed stopped abruptly, but faces were still flushed in the aftermath of such loudly vocalized happiness. Several were still smiling, though they lessened at the sight of him, and there were a few who apparently hadn't laughed at all. While it wasn't an uncommon reaction to him, it was usually caused by the "flee on sight" warning in the bingo books next to his name, not out of normal, innocent surprise. Mad-Eye gave him a small shove, leaving him to stand alone as the center of interest in the room, all eyes turned to him. Automatically, he felt his face wipe of emotion before remembered he wasn't supposed to do that.

Play nice. Tactical advantage. Oh, whatever.

"Good morning," he said, taking a moment to look each person in the face before bowing. "I am Kakashi Hatake, shinobi of Konohagakure and member of the ANBU. My client Albus Dumbledore has hired me to protect Hogwarts for the coming year."

"What's a shinobi?" asked a short man.

"In laymen's terms," he answered, "shinobi are ninja. Assassins, hired killers, soldiers, body guards, message runners, cat saviors—anything that's asked of us."

There was a moment of tense silence before the same short man looked at him and said, "But you're just a kid."

Stigma on children, he reminded himself, you aren't allowed to kill the charges.

As politely as he could, he answered, "Yes, sir. I'm thirteen-years-old, turning fourteen on September fifteenth."

A plump, cheerful looking redhead woman with laugh lines stared at him with something akin to terror. "Does Albus know they sent a child here, Mad-Eye?" The man behind him shrugged.

"I'm more than competent," he said before anyone else could comment on the horror of a teenage killer. "ANBU is the elite of the elite in Konoha; the leader of my village only sends the best available."

Then a girl with bushy brown hair as the most intelligent question so far: "Excuse me, but what's Konoha?"

Instincts made him almost say, "I can't answer that," before he remembered that secrecy laws didn't apply here in England. "A shinobi village on the Hidden Continent, which, as the name implies, is Hidden. Very few people here—the Outside, as we call it—know about its existence. One is Albus Dumbledore who appears to be a good friend of Konoha's current Hokage, leader and strongest of the village."

"And they use children to fight?" said another one of the adults, a stern looking woman with her hair pulled back in a painfully tight bun. Kakashi really wished he'd been given a list of people in this organization because that could make life so much easier.

_Screw the Hokage_, he thought. _I don't want to do this._

Then a voice that sounded an awful lot like Obito and which he was pretty sure was his conscious said, _Just make something up._

Having his dead teammate's voice in his head was never fun no matter how many times this happened, but he decided to take its advice.

"In Konoha, we have a lower life expectancy," he said, words flying out of his mouth before he really thought about it, "so we become soldiers early. The normal graduation age for a shinobi is twelve, but I graduated at five as the top of my class, which is considered exceptionally young. Because of this, I was able to reach one of the highest ranks of the village at young age, making me ideal for this mission.

"According to the instructions, this is an infiltration mission. To protect the school, I need to disguise myself as a student and enter fifth year—"

"So you're protecting me, then," said a dark-haired boy with a scar on his forehead, one Kakashi recognized as his main charge.

_Lie. _

_ No, you're supposed to be honest!_

_ Shut up. _

_ Do it, Kakashi-kun._

Arguing himself was the first sign of madness and he was doing it more often than he liked lately. "Along with everyone else," he said, "but you, as well as the other Hogwarts students and teachers in this Order of the Phoenix are my top priorities. If you feel discriminated for being singled out, then take it up with the man who hired me."

A man with shaggy brown hair that smelled like a wolf (how the fuck did that work?) looked to him and said in a soft voice, "How do we know you're as good as you say?"

With a sigh, his hand strayed the weapon pouch on his leg and faster than their eyes could follow, he threw a shuriken so it embedded deeply in the wood barely a centimeter from the man's head. Everyone jumped again, which was satisfying, but he knew he had to say something quick before the yelling started.

"If I wanted to, I could've hit any vital point on your body," he said bluntly, ignoring their shocked faces. Since he needed to be nice for this mission, the least he could do was take the few snatches of fun when he could get it. "I will never harm any of you unless you turn out to be a traitor and it becomes necessity, but I can harm or kill others when ordered. I would prove to you my skills in some other way, but I see no opportunity. If you have any suggestions, I'll be happy to demonstrate."

Silence. So far about half the people in the room hadn't said anything and he wasn't in the mood to ramble. Luckily Mad-Eye came to the rescues, saving him in the form of introductions.

From behind, the man said, "Hatake, I'm assuming that you were never told the names of the Order members?"

"No, the information was never given to me."

For a moment there was nothing. Then a black-haired man with haunted eyes and a friendly smile on his face stood up and held his hand out. Kakashi, not knowing what else to do, shook it. "I'm Sirius Black," he said. "Harry's godfather. If Dumbledore hired you, I don't doubt your skills, Hatake."

Finally! Someone with logic. He forced a small smile back, reminding himself about what the Hokage told him about emotions. "Nice to meet you, Black-san," he said. "You can call me Kakashi."

"And you can call me Sirius."

That seemed to break some of the tension. Two identical redhead boys rushed over, causing Sirius to scoot quickly out of the way. As they both grabbed one of his hands at the same time and shook it, the one of the right said, "I'm Fred—"

Then the other one cut him off, "And I'm George. We're the Weasley twins, number one pranksters and rule breakers of Hogwarts—"

_Sounds like Obito_! said a voice in his head, one that sounded like Rin's. Now that was new.

"George!" said the redhead woman from earlier, a frown on her face. The two jumped out of the way as she came over and put on a kind smile on her face, though it seemed a little strained from worry. "Nice to meet you, dear," she added. "I'm Molly Weasley. We're just sitting down to lunch now. Would you like anything to eat?"

Oh, joy, a mother. "Yes, please," he answered because it didn't seem polite to turn it down. That, and he hadn't eaten for the past day and half despite Tsunade's nagging. "I'm don't know much about English food, though."

"Oh, well, I'll just whip up something quickly."

"Thank you, Weasley-san."

"Just Molly's okay, dear."

She was cut off from anymore conversation when a redhead man came over to replace her, the man he threw the shuriken at a bit behind, the weapon in his hand. "I'm Arthur Weasley," he said. "Molly's husband. You can call me Arthur."

From the vaguely confused look on the kids' faces, he had a feeling an adult allowing someone to call him or her by a given name was a sign of respect. Convincing them was easier than he thought; either that, or he accidently leaked killing intent when he threw the shuriken and scarred them all for life.

"I'm Remus Lupin," said the next one, handing back the shuriken. "Remus is fine. It's nice to meet you, Kakashi, even if you did throw a sharp object at me."

Kakashi forced his mouth into a sheepish half smile and accepted his weapon back, sliding it into its holder. "Sorry about that," he said, "but I needed to prove a point somehow. Thank you for giving it back."

Remus shrugged. "I understand, and second Sirius. Since Dumbledore hired you, I shouldn't have questioned you skill."

"It's fine," he answered politely, hating everything. "I was informed beforehand that your society here has a different view on age than mine does, though being treated as a child will take some getting used to."

"'Ello, I'm Mundungus Fletcher," said the short man who spoke first, practically shoving Remus out of the way. Kakashi tried not to have his mouth twitch into a scowl. Talking to the other man could've been interesting. "Collector and seller of rare objects."

"Thief more like it," mumbled a woman with violently pink hair that earlier was purple and looked completely natural. How was that possible? Was it a type of magic? "Hi, Kakashi. I'm Nymphadora Tonks, but call me Tonks—everyone does. Ignore Mundungus if he tries to sell you anything. What do they speak in Konoha? You're English is perfect."

"A form of Japanese," he answered. "Thank you."

"Impressive," said the stern woman, holding out her hand. "I'm Minerva McGonagall. Here, you may call me Minerva, but once school starts, you'll have to call me Professor McGonagall in class. I teach Transfigurations; if you have any questions during this month on any subject, feel free to ask."

"Thank you, Minerva-san. I'll keep that in mind once I buy my wand later today."

"Ah, I forgot you have yet to get one. Well, I'll move aside now so you can speak to your new classmates," she said, moving out of the way as the girl from earlier, two redheads, and his main charge came forward.

"I'm Harry Potter," he said and he looked about as happy about this situation as Kakashi did, "but you knew that already. You'll be in my year."

_Go on_, said the Obito voice, _say something friendly._

"Hi," he said, words sticking to his throat. "I hope we'll get along."

_Way to sound like an idiot, 'Kashi. _

_ Just shut up. _

_ Make me!_

_ You're in my head, that isn't too hard. _

_ But—but—_

"So do you know magic yet?" asked the girl. "Oh—I'm Hermione Granger."

"No, I'm learning this month," he answered. "And nice to meet you, Hermione-san."

"You too. Four years of learning in a month? That sounds difficult. If you ever need help with anything, just ask." She smiled. "I know getting used to a new culture can be disorienting. I spent some of my summer in France, though that's not as drastic."

Note to self: Find out what France is.

"I'm Ron Weasley," said the redhead boy as the other girl said, "I'm Ginny Weasley, the year under you."

The girl had long red hair, reminding him a bit too much of Kushina now that she was up close. Through some miracle, he squashed his discomfort and gave another smile. "Nice to meet you, too. I don't know much about Hogwarts. What're the classes like?"

Apparently that was the right question to ask. Suddenly all the kids, twins included, broke off into chatter.

Hermione said, "Oh, you'll love them! What classes are you—"

"Watch out in Potions," said Harry, "especially if you're a Gryffindor. Snape—"

"Have you been Sorted yet, mate?" asked Ron, but Kakashi didn't have time to answer.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts has a new teacher every year," said either Fred or George.

Then the other twin added, "And Divinations is a joke," before he was cut off by Ginny.

"If you're only pretending, do you have to do homework?"

"The castle itself is huge," said Hermione, "If you're in Gryffindor, we'll show you around the first day!"

"What's Gryffin—"

"And History of Magic is taught by a ghost," said Ron. "It's really boring—"

"You can sleep the entire time," said Fred.

Then Sirius saved him by saying, "You know, maybe you should let him talk. I think he was trying to ask something. What is it?"

Kakashi hated having to ask questions and hated being clueless, but for once he really needed help. All the kids shut up after another few seconds of babble, giving him enough time to ask, "So, what's Gryffindor and Sorting?"

Naturally, it was Hermione who answered.

"Hogwarts students are split into four houses," she answered. "Houses are divisions within the students, chosen by personality traits. Gryffindor is a house; loyalty and courage are its main traits. Then there's Ravenclaw, whose students are voracious learners and very clever; Hufflepuffs are hard-works. And Slytherins are power hungry and cunning." Well, definitely not Slytherin, then. His ambition died along with Obito, and only worsened with the death of Minato-sensei and Rin. Definitely not Slytherin. "We're all Gryffindors. The Sorting Hat was bewitched by Godric Gryffindor, one of the four founders of which the houses are named, to have a mind of its own and Sort the students."

"And this…hat will Sort me?" he said, figuring that asking too many questions was just going to give him a headache. It was hard enough adjusting to the fact that magic even existed; he'd get all his answers later through process of deduction.

"Yes," said Hermione. "I can lend you Hogwarts, A History if you'd like. It's an interesting read. Do you read English as well as you speak it?"

Even if it was a logical question, it still ticked him off. "Yeah. I learned by reading."

She smiled brightly, obviously happy that someone was going to follow her advice, which made him think she was very smart and often made fun of for it.

Then Molly said, "Food's ready!"

To Kakashi's surprise, she didn't bring the dishes to the table—they brought themselves. They levitated in the area before placing themselves in front of individual chairs. A trickle of genuine emotion slid over his face, causing Harry to laugh, pat him on the back, and say, "You'll get used to it."

And then Kakashi knew this: Harry did not grow up knowing magic.

Molly said, "Kakashi, you go sit the chair with the poached eggs and unions; I gave you something light since you've never eaten English food before."

"Thank you," he said, surprised again, though this time because of the consideration. Having others care about his comfort or discomfort was nonexistent now. When the surprise disappeared, he realized something terrible:

He needed to learn how to use a fork.

This was what people called a culture shock, he was assuming. Never in his life had he been the one to not know anything. Being a child prodigy, he usually learned things faster than anyone else, or could do things more precisely than anyone else, so he refused to be conquered by an eating utensil.

"Are you staying, Mad-Eye?" asked Arthur as Kakashi took his seat, Hermione on his right and Harry on his left. The fact that they didn't hate him so far (or at least it didn't seem, normally he could figure that out no matter how terrible he was at reading emotions, but everything was so different here that his mind was overloading with trying to comprehend it all) was a good sign.

"No," answered the heavily scarred man. "Best be off."

"Me, too, unfortunately," said Minerva. "I'll see you tomorrow. Severus will be coming too. Nice meeting you, Kakashi."

None of the kids looked to happy with this and Sirius' face darkened. Whoever Severus was, he wasn't liked.

"You too," he said awkwardly and a few more goodbyes exchanged between the two leaving and those staying. Then he looked down at the problematic eating utensil and waited for someone else to pick it up before he did.

But Hermione saved him the trouble. "Do they use chopsticks where you're from?" she asked. He nodded. "Well, a fork isn't held that way, as I'm sure you've guessed. Instead hold it the way you hold a pencil."

He obediently followed her instructions and after a few seconds of maneuvering his fingers, he figured it out. "Thank you," he said, which was probably his most commonly used words so far.

"What's Konoha like?" asked Tonks cheerfully as she took a seat across from him. Looking around, he saw that everyone was looking at him, which was uncanny. As a masked ANBU, he wasn't used to being the center of attention.

_You'll get used to it_, said the Rin voice, and he didn't answer.

Not knowing what else to say, he answered, "It's nice. The village itself is really colorful with people always talking on the streets or in one of the restaurants. Fire Country, where Konoha is located, is almost entirely forests, and the trees are a lot bigger than the ones in the park. We have festivals four times a year at the changes of the season."

"What're the festivals like?" asked one the twins quickly followed by, "Are they really big?"

"Huge," he said, because it was true. "All the streets are shut down and the shops bring merchandise outside to sell; games are set up and at night there're fireworks. The Fire Country is pretty temperate, so we rarely get snow in winter. In comparison, England's really cold."

Sirius asked, "What's that academy you graduated from?"

_I hate questions. _

_ Deal with it._ It was Obito again.

"It's where you learn to be a shinobi," he said. "You know, all the moral codes and expectations, along with the skills necessary. Your parents usually teach you how to read, write, and use mathematics before you enter, and if you're an orphan, you traditionally learn in the first year of the academy. For normal shinobi-in-training, you go through the academy in five years, from seven to twelve, but I only went for about a year and a half, entering at three. Child prodigy."

"And your parents are fine with you being this far from home for a year?" said Molly, on the verge of voicing disapproval.

Family was a touchy subject for him for obvious reasons, but since he wasn't allowed to be rude, he sent her an uncomfortable smile. "I don't have parents," he said. It wasn't a normal question, since everyone knew he was the son of Hatake Sakumo and Hatake Mori, both of whom were dead.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said and there was a moment of extremely awkward silence.

Ginny broke it. "Are you nervous about Hogwarts? You know, as you haven't really been to school before."

"Not really," he lied with a shrug. In truth he was absolutely terrified, which was a very unusual sensation for him. But he'd never been given a mission that he was so likely to screw up on. Play nice? Kakashi didn't do nice, and he wasn't sure how long he could stand being treated like a child. Emotions weren't his strong point as he attempted to stay as closed off as possible, but even the best shinobi fucked up. "How many people are the Order of the Phoenix?"

"More than you met today," said Arthur as Mundungus become bored with the conversation and started talking in hushed tones to the Weasley twins. Due to his sensitive hearing, Kakashi managed to pick something up about doxy eggs, whatever those were. "We were only told you were coming two days ago, so a lot of them couldn't make it. They'll be in and out though, so by the time the month is up, you'll probably meet all of them."

He nodded and took his first bite of egg. While it wasn't the worst thing in the world he'd ever eaten (that title was taken by the nutrient bars he ate on the warfront), it was nowhere near the usual food he had. Another bit of culture shock. Hopefully not all English food was this bad.

"So, where am I getting the school supplies?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Mad-Eye—" He paused, stopping himself from adding the honorific because he realized by now that equals here weren't treated the same way they were in Konoha. That, and no one knew what he meant, except maybe Hermione. "I was told I would be getting a wand the first day."

Remus said, "I'll be bringing you to Diagon Alley to get robes and a wand. Dumbledore gave me some money out of the school funds to help you."

"And the books?"

"The book list for fifth years hasn't come yet," answered Molly, swishing her wand so all the finished dishes went over to the sink and started cleaning themselves, Kakashi's included. "Ronald still has all his old textbooks, though, so I went back home yesterday to get them. You'll also be helped along by us."

"We can leave whenever you're ready," added Remus. "Any questions?"

Yeah, a multitude of them, but he wasn't going to ask every single one. "Um, where am I sleeping?"

"There's an extra bed in Harry and Ron's room," said Sirius, standing. "Did you bring anything?"

He nodded. "A bag of clothes. It's by the door. Should I bring it up?"

"No, go with Remus," he answered. "I'll take it. You might want throw a sweater on first. What your wearing will make you stick out."

Again, Kakashi found himself saying, "Thank you, I'll be back in a moment," before disappearing outside the room of the door. He pulled open the bag and took out his sweater, which was thankfully on top. He slid it over his head, making sure it covered the entirety of the armor before reentering. He moved so he was next to Remus and added, "I'm ready."

"Then come here and take my arm. We're Apparating."

He moved, causing Remus to jump when he was suddenly next to him. Oh, if they weren't used to that type of speed here, he was going to have fun screwing with them. Just because he had to be nice didn't mean he couldn't get some entertainment out of it. "What's Apparating?" he asked, acting like he hadn't seen everyone's reaction.

"Think of it as teleportation," answered Hermione instead of Remus. "You go instantaneously from one place to the other."

Though he felt incredibly awkward doing so (screw physical contact), he placed his hand around Remus' upper arm.

"Thanks for the lunch, by the way," he added quickly, looking to Molly, who smiled cheerfully in reply.

"You're welcome, dear."

"Be prepared," said Remus, and they were gone.

.

For a moment, there was a rare silence inside Grimmauld Place.

Then Ginny said, "He's so short!" and the silence was shattered.

"Well, I like him," said Fred and his twin nodded in agreement.

Harry looked to Ron and Hermione and together they excused themselves, heading upstairs after Sirius as the conversation continued in the kitchen. He heard Mrs. Weasley say, "But he's such a well-mannered child," before the door swung shut behind them.

"So I need a guard now?" he said furiously once they were on the stairwell, both angry and intrigued at the same time. "How wonderful it is to know Dumbledore has such confidence in me."

Hermione worried her bottom lip. "I'm not so sure," she said and Harry almost blew up again before she continued, "There's something strange about this. Everyone knows that You-Know-Who is afraid of Dumbledore, so I don't think he'll attack the school. Why have a guard?"

She had a point. Even in his third year when everyone thought Sirius was out to kill him, Dumbledore hadn't assigned a guard. Yes, the Ministry assigned the dementors, but all the Hogwarts teachers were angry because of it. This sudden decision didn't make much sense.

Ron shrugged. "I don't know. What's up with his hair?"

"Premature grey?" suggested Harry, even if he a feeling it wasn't it. "I don't thinking fitting in is going to be all that easy with white hair."

"It's not the hair I'm curious about," said Hermione as they reached the floor of the boys' bedroom. "Did you see his face?"

"How it was half covered by that metal thing?" said Ron. "Yeah. Wonder what's up with that."

Then Sirius, who in the bedroom as they entered, said, "I think she meant the cuts."

"His face was cut?" Harry hadn't noticed it at all. "Where?"

"Scattered," he answered, shrugging one shoulder. "They were thin, hardly noticeable, but still there."

Harry frowned, then asked, "Sirius, what do _you_ think of him?"

Again, he shrugged. "I think Dumbledore has reasons for hiring him, and you better hope he's a Gryffindor."

"Why?" said Ron.

"He's going to need help fitting in, and it isn't just the hair," answered Sirius, leaning against the wall. "After being in Azkaban for twelve years and living with my family for sixteen, I know how to tell when a person has social problems. He's good at faking, but I'm guessing he isn't much a people person."

Hermione stared at him before saying, "You know something!"

"No," he said, and Harry was near positive his godfather was lying, "but I'll leave you up here to speculate. I need to talk to Tonks about something before she leaves."

"What was that all about?" said Ron, sitting on his bed. Hermione shook her hair and joined him; Harry sat on the edge of the bed across from them. "Did Sirius just tell us to make friends with him?"

"I think so," said Harry, wondering what could be so important that his godfather would lie to him. After all, he started that whole argument with Mrs. Weasley about him being old enough to be told the truth about what was going on. "Never thought I'd be told to be friends with a killer."

After he said it, the gravity of the situation hit full force and shiver went through the room. _Assassins, hired killers, soldiers, body guards, message runners, cat saviors—anything that's asked of us_, Kakashi said. What was Dumbledore doing letting a kid like that infiltrate with the students?

"He didn't seem like a bad kid," said Hermione tentatively. "Smart and polite, too. I think I could like him."

Ron smirked. "Hermione, you just like him because he agreed to read your book."

"Hey!"

Harry sat in silence, thinking. Hermione had a point; he hadn't seemed like a murderer. Even when he threw the sharp thing at Remus, it was pretty obvious that was trying not to hit him, just make everyone believe him. Even if it wasn't in the same context, Harry could understand his aversion to being treated like a kid.

"Besides," Hermione was saying, "we shouldn't leave him to fend for himself in Hogwarts. I think it's beneficial to both him and us for us to be friends."

"How's it a good thing for us?" asked Harry, crossing his arms..

Then Hermione smiled her rare rule-breaking smile and answered, "Because we can find out the real reason Professor Dumbledore hired him."

.

"Feel any better?" Remus asked him five minutes after they Apparated into the thin London alleyway bordering the Leaky Cauldron.

"Y-yeah," he answered, hating how weak he sounded, wiping his mouth on the back of his head. "Sorry about that."

"As I am the one taking you to Diagon Alley, Albus told me about the conditions with your lungs," he said and Kakashi felt a stab of hatred at Orochimaru for making him this pathetic. "And I don't know the cause, which is why I asked if you were skilled."

As much as he loathed to admit, what Remus said makes sense. "I'll be better in a week," he mumbled, following the man out of the alley and into the dingy bar—or pub, as they called it in England. "Does everyone know?"

When they entered, several people looked up; a few openly stared. White hair wasn't common here, apparently, and neither was having an eye protected. If anyone were to actually speak up, Kakashi would be perfectly happy to point out that the barman was toothless, a man was wearing a legitimate eye patch, and a woman was wearing robes with bright orange snails all over it. But no one did ask, so he had to leave all comments to himself.

"No," answered Remus. "Only Sirius, who overheard me talking to Albus after the meeting two days ago when we were told you were coming, and Mad-Eye, since he was the one who picked you up. Everyone else assumes that you're a perfectly healthy individual."

_Perfectly healthy_. Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he counted as healthy. On the yearly update paperwork turned it the week before the incident with Orochimaru (that bastard), he lied about his weight since he was nearly ten kilograms before the necessary minimum for an active shinobi of his height. He hated hospitals with a passion, so if he came back injured, even if it was to the point he could barely stand, he bandaged himself up. He'd taken so many consecutive, high class missions that he had trouble avoiding chakra exhaustion. Healthy was a foreign word for him.

And now there was this. One week until he was better, but it felt like an eternity. Apparating had sucked all the air from his lungs, so when they popped back out of it, his respiratory system rebelled against him. Almost as much blood came up as it did back in his apartment, and if it weren't for Remus' cleaning spell, his sweater would still be covered in blood, noticeable even if the fabric was black. Considering how much effort Tsunade put into healing his lungs, Kakashi had to wonder exactly how bad of shape they were in when Jiraiya first dragged him in there.

"Watch closely in case you need to do this yourself," said Remus after they exited into a tiny alley behind the Leaky Cauldron. Confused, he nodded, and watched the man tap the bricks, memorizing the movements easily. Then the wall started separating and after a moment, there was an entire archway leading to one of the most amazing places Kakashi had ever seen. With a smile, he added, "Welcome to Diagon Alley."

_Obito would love this place,_ was his first thought as they stepped into the street, the wall closing up behind them.

The hustle and bustle all around him made Konoha seem calm in comparison and while that normally bothered him, he was in too much awe to really register it. It really was like he stepped into one of those old story books—there was a shop selling pets, an apothecary spelling potion supplies, a huge bookstore, a store for this thing called Quidditch that sold flying broomsticks, a giant marble building Remus identified as a bank, and about a million other places. All the robes people wore were brightly colored like festival formal wear, and people of all ages were meeting up to stand around and talk.

For one solid, aching moment, Kakashi wished this peaceful, innocent place was his world.

Then he quickly squashed that down. Thinking that was disloyal to Konoha, and he didn't want to think about he would be like if he really did grow up here. His lifestyle was in his blood and even if his father wasn't from a clan, someone who built himself out of nothing, Kakashi still had that ingrained in him. Being anything else was impossible.

"Let's get your robes first," Remus said, pointing to a shop called Madam Malkin's. He nodded and followed without a word.

Twenty minutes later they walked out again and Kakashi's initial glee at finding this place was ruined. The woman fitting actually bothered to point out that he was small for his age and it took a whole five minutes to convince her that he didn't have a self-harm problem, he got them from accidently putting his hand through a window (if he wasn't such a good liar, that probably never could've worked, but by some miracle it did). Remus seemed to recognize a bad mood when he saw one, because he didn't talk, simply lead him out and in the direction of the wand shop.

The wand shop was called Ollivander's and it was nowhere near as extravagant as half the other stores in Diagon Alley. Simplicity was usually key for him, but taking one look at the place put him on guard. They entered and he struggled very, very hard not to have a sudden sneeze attack.

He wanted out. Fast.

"I was wondering when another one would come into my shop," said a man, appearing in front of him almost as suddenly and as silently as a trained shinobi. He tapped the leaf symbol on Kakashi's forehead protector, way too close for comfort. "Konoha, correct? It's been many years since the last one came. Do you by chance know a man named Hiruzen Sarutobi?"

Everything about this man was extremely unnerving. "Yes," he answered, and didn't elaborate.

"And you are?"

"Kakashi Hatake."

"Hold out your wand arm, Mr. Hatake." He must have looked confused, because Ollivander clarified, "The hand you use the most."

"I'm ambidextrous."

"Then what hand did you begin writing with?"

"My right," he answered, and held it up.

The man didn't say anything, just turned around and headed back towards the man shelves as a tape measure moved on its own. It wasn't until it was measuring the width of his eye that Ollivander said, "That will do," and it crumbled to a heap on the floor.

"Try this one first," he said, pulling a wand (which was basically a stick) out of the top box of the stack he created and handed it over. "Ten inches, yew, with a core of dragon heart string. Excellent for Transfiguration spells." The moment he held it, he felt the chakra—magic—and everything about it screamed this is wrong! Ollivander apparently came to the same conclusion because he snatched it out of his hand, shook his head, and held out a new one. "Eight inches, birch, with a core of phoenix feather."

Then that one was snatched out his hand too, and the one after that, and somewhere the long time of snatching and replacing, Ollivander said something about a wand choosing a wizard, which made no sense since a wand was an inanimate object, but he knew better to ask. At one point he looked back at Remus, portraying help me! as best he could with his eyes, but the man gave a small smile, amused, leaving Kakashi to get tortured by a man who was obviously enjoying the difficulty of his costumer.

"Ten inches, maple, with a core of a unicorn hair. Nice and flexible; good for Charms work," said the shop owner and Kakashi accepted it with a resignation of giving up. But this time it was different. Something about this wand's magic and his chakra clicked and warmth spread through his body. He longed to pull the forehead protector off and look at this with his Sharigan, because he was sure whatever was going on was visible. "Mr. Hatake, I believe we found your wand. That will be seven Galleons. You have the money, I assume, Mr. Lupin."

"Yes," said Remus, pulling out seven gold coins and handing it over. "Thank you. We'll be on our way, now."

"If you see him, give Hiruzen Sarutobi my regards, Mr. Hatake," he said as they made their exit. Kakashi managed a nod, and fell into a sneeze attack the moment they were outside. One of the great things about his mask: it stopped him from breathing in dust.

"Is he always like that?" he asked when the sneeze attack was finished, feeling like crap from the coughing earlier, this only making it worse. He slipped his wand into his weapon holder.

"Actually, he's usually worse," said Remus mildly before holding out his arm. "We're unfortunately going to Apparate back, but I'll make our destination the park just in case."

He nodded, wiggled his nose from the discomfort, and place his hand on the offered arm. There was the awful sensation of being pressed two-dimensional before they were suddenly in the park outside Grimmauld Place. When Hermione first explained it to him, he imagined it being like a Shunshin, but it was completely different. This hurt.

The coughing was shorter this time, but his body hadn't had time to recover since the last attack, and Remus actually supported him so he stayed upright. So much for being a talented shinobi. When he finished, another cleaning charm was cast and again he wiped his mouth. It was only then that he realized the curse seal _burned_.

Well, this wasn't good.

"Done?" Remus asked, and Kakashi nodded. "Okay, come on. I can teach you some spells today, or you can read and get Molly or Sirius to begin tomorrow."

"Today works," he said, though his voice sounded a little hoarse. "I think I'll change first, if that's okay."

The ANBU armor was tight, and while it normally didn't bother him, the slight constriction wasn't helping his ability to breath like a "healthy individual." And besides, for the rest of time he was dressing in what was classified as civilian clothing before donning incredibly impractical robes for the school year.

"That's fine." He pulled open the front door at themselves in. "Actually, take a few minutes to talk to Harry, Ron, and Hermione if you run into them. It's two now, so I bet Molly has them cleaning."

Apparently the tactical advantage of making friends wasn't lost on wizards, either. He wondered for a moment if the kids realized it before deciding they most likely didn't. The Hermione girl, maybe, and he could see the twins figuring it out, but he wasn't sure about the others. Hell, he wasn't even sure if all the adults realized it either. But even if he didn't like it, he saw the advantage too.

"Cleaning?" he said after the automatic response of nodding.

"This house hasn't been used for years." There were voices in the kitchen still, though two floors up he could hear Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They reminded him a bit of a genin team, one that knew how to work together. "Come on, I'll show you to your room."

He followed in silence, mind still bursting with unanswered questions, but he didn't have it in him to ask anymore at the moment. The curse mark still burned on his shoulder, and he stopped his hand from straying over to press down on it.

_Orochimaru's such a creep_, said Rin's voice.

_I've noticed._

"Here we are," said Remus, holding open a door for him. "I'll be downstairs in the kitchen when you need to find me."

"Thank you," he said automatically before disappearing in the room and shutting the door behind him.

His bag was set on the bed he assumed was his for now. Sharing this with two other boys was going to be a pain, but he'd done worse. With a sigh he headed over and put his newly acquired robes next to the duffle bag before opening it and pulling out a pair of black pants and a white shirt. He changed slowly, struggling for once with the clasps on his armor as he tried to ignore the burning on his neck and his difficulty breathing; there was probably still blood in his lungs. Finally he got it off and slid it along with his the rest of his uniform back into the bag.

Two minutes later he was fully changed into civilian clothing, with the forehead protector still pulled over one eye and the weapon holster wrapped around his left leg. Out on missions, all his teammates knew about the scar, and at home he was always alone, so he usually slept without it on, but these kids already knew enough about him, and he preferred that they didn't find out about his eye until later when it was necessary. Then he realized he could just wear a bandage around it at night, and acknowledged that for a genius, he had quite a lot of idiot moments.

He slipped out of the room and followed the sounds of the three friends' voices, discovering them in what was probably a sitting room of some kind at one point.

"Hey," he said, feeling stupid. All three of them turned to look at him in surprise. Witches and wizards were skittish little things, Kakashi decided.

"Hi," said Hermione brightly, putting down the rag she was holding. "Did you get your wand?"

He pulled it out of his weapon pouch and held it up. "Yeah. Useless at the moment, but Remus is going to show me the basics when I go downstairs."

"What did you think of Diagon Alley?" asked Harry as the two boys came over.

"It was cool." And for once he was honest. "Crowded, though. Ollivander's was weird."

"I don't like his eyes," said Ron, mouth tugging into a frown. Kakashi nodded in agreement; they really were creepy. "You weren't gone all that long. Where did you go?"

"Just Madam Malkin's and Ollivander's. If I get a chance to go again, I think I'll look at the bookstore and the apothecary."

"You can go later, when the book list comes," Hermione said. "Then Harry, Ron, and I can show you around properly."

He smiled. "Okay. I'd like that. Is everywhere in the wizarding world like that?"

"Not exactly," said Harry, "but it's very different from the Muggle world, and probably yours, too."

"Muggle?"

Goddamnit, he hated asking questions.

"Someone who can't use magic," said Ron. Civilians, he immediately thought. "Don't mention Muggles around Dad, though."

"Why not?"

"He's obsessed with anything Muggle related. Thinks their way of life is fascinating."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "Well, I better be going downstairs. Hopefully the next time you'll see me I can use a spell or two."

"Good luck," said Hermione with a wide smile as Harry said, "We'll see you at dinner," and Ron gave a normal goodbye.

"Bye," he said, a disappeared downstairs, genuinely interested now in learning magic.

.

Don't worry, Kakashi won't be weakling the entire time.


	3. Chapter 3

Next chapter here! To demonflame: coincidentally, I was writing exactly what you suggested when I got that review. xD

By the way, schizo!Kakashi is fun. No matter how terrible it is. But hey, it's fanfiction.

Also, I was originally going to write the last scene but eventually decided to say screw it and did it anyway, no matter how cliched it is.

Disclaimer: Just borrowing.

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Chapter Three

Kakashi, for the first time in a long time, felt giddy with happiness.

The week was almost up, meaning that if Tsunade was right, he had two more days of having his lungs hate him. And, after sneakily convincing Remus to give the general idea of his condition to Molly, he managed to get out of cleaning until Friday. Though he hated being weak and ill, the fact that it was getting him out of make-the-house-look-presentable duty was a definite, unseen perk. And he wasn't about to start complaining.

"How's your learning going?" asked Hermione on Wednesday after Minerva left (he officially had a great respect for the woman, as she managed to teach him over half of what he needed to know in eighteen hours) as he sat in a bedroom where they were cleaning out mold and other such things that he was glad to avoid.

"Pretty good," he answered, because it was true, though much cheating was done through his Sharingan. "I've got down first through third year from practicing on my own, too, and I bet I can get down fourth year either today or tomorrow."

All three were openly staring and he felt a certain amount of satisfaction. In Konoha, most shinobi knew rumors of his general history, so while they were impressed if he figured out something new in less than a day, they weren't surprised. After all, he was called Copy-Cat Kakashi. But to actually catch someone off guard with it was more amusing than he remembered.

"You're kidding, right?" said Ron before shaking his head in bewilderment.

He grinned cheekily. "No, I'm not." Then he tried another bit of honesty. "I think it helps that it isn't boring, though. To tell you the truth, I didn't even know wizards and magic existed until last Tuesday."

Hermione's eyes were wide in admiration. Harry asked, "What are you going to do when you learn everything? Stop until you get to Hogwarts?"

Kakashi shrugged. Now that his curiosity was officially awakened (something the Obito voice kept poking fun at), he wasn't looking forward to not doing anything for the next two weeks.

But there was also another point of curiosity, and one he didn't like nearly as much. For the most part the control he had monitoring the amount of chakra he condensed into magic to perform spells to an exact calculation, but there were times where let out a bit too much without him knowing how it happened. And this was always accompanied by a burning pain on his neck, like the cursed mark Orochimaru gave him was trying to break through Jiraiya's seal. And, of course, no ever told him what the thing did even if he tried to pry it out of Tsunade on several occasions.

_It's sealed_, was all she said, _worry about the rest of your injuries. It can't harm you now that Jiraiya was smart enough to do something about it._

He wondered what she'd say now if she knew how often it was bothering him.

"I might practice ahead," he answered, pulling out his wand and twirling it in his fingers, a few sparking shoot off the end, waking a portrait of a scruffy looking rabbit in the corner of the room. The thing glared, but luckily couldn't talk. "Though I haven't spoken to him yet, apparently Dumbledore told Hokage-sama that I wasn't constrained to just the first four years." He looked around to all of them and added, "Any suggestions on something that might be useful?"

Surprisingly, Harry spoke first rather than Hermione. "How advanced do you want to go?"

"I'd like to do as much as I can." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I mean, I'm only here for a year, so I mineaswell make the best of it. I don't know if I'll ever get the change to do anything with magic back in Konoha, since we technically aren't supposed to know about here."

"If you find the time, you should learn how to do a Patronus. It's not something you learn in Hogwarts, but Lupin can tell you," said Harry, jumping out of the way as a music box started coming after him, playing ominous orchestra music.

"_Reducto,_" Kakashi said almost lazily, pointing his wand at the destructive object. It burst to pieces.

"Thanks, mate," said Ron, as it was heading in his direction. "Last one that attacked nearly bit off my nose."

Kakashi almost snickered. Key word there being almost. "Then it's good someone in this room can do magic outside of school," he said before turning back to Harry. "So what's a Patronus?"

"It protects you against dementors," he answered, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn green stain. "They guarded Hogwarts in my third year, so Lupin taught it to me—he was the Defense teacher at the time."

Hermione, correctly interpreting the confusion on his face, added, "Dementors are used to guard Azkaban, the wizarding prison. They suck the happiness out of everything, leaving you with only depressing thoughts and replays all the worst moments of your life. Long enough exposure can drive you insane, but the Patronus is made of pure happiness with an absence of misery, so they can't harm it."

_Sucks all happiness?_ said the Rin voice. _If an enemy ever got its hands on one of those, imagine what would happen to Konoha._

_We'd be screwed._

_I'm pretty sure all shinobi would._

_Well, unless they're sociopaths._

_True. But how many sociopaths—_

_Anko._

_Ah, point taken._

"Kakashi?" came Hermione's voice, snapping him out of his conversation. His long conversation at that. Oh god, he was getting worse. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, putting on his best smile. "Just trying to calculate how long it will take me to reach a spell past the seven years, but I guess it also matters how often Remus is around."

She didn't look fully convinced, skepticism blatant on her face even if her two friends seemed to buy it; he had to watch himself around this girl. "What you use is a different form of magic, right?" she said as she wiped down a cabinet; some dust went his way and he sneezed. "Oh, g'bless you."

"Thanks," he said automatically, as he learned that it was the correct response. "And yeah."

Earlier that week after they caught him using a Shunshin to go down to breakfast from laziness, he had to explain that it was different than Apparating and his "magic" differed from theirs. It took a while, longer than he liked, but they eventually got their minds around it (much quicker than he did, though he didn't point that out).

"Have you thought of using your wand as an amplifier for some of your…uh, jutsu?"

A smart idea for a witch to figure out, but he unfortunately already attempted. "I tried," he answered, adjusting the way he sat on his little area of the cleaned bookshelf, "but I almost overloaded the wand. I think if I tried anything to its full capacity, I'd blow the thing up."

Ron, as bewildered as before, said, "Wait, but how does that work?"

Did he really have to answer that?

_You're supposed to play nice_, reminded Obito.

He had a feeling saying, "I don't really think you need to know," didn't count. And besides, explaining it wasn't necessarily a bad thing; seeing civilian kids actually want to learn something new was so rare that their questions were almost refreshing. He was curious about them, so they were curious about him. An even exchange.

That, or he was making up excuses so he didn't kill them all from annoyance.

After a moment of thought, he held up his wand. "Okay, look at this," he said, trying to figure out the best way to have this make sense to three people who knew very little about chakra (though, in actuality, his knowledge of magic was pretty limited too). "_Lumos_. See, this is magic condensing itself to form a light—there's so much concentrated here that it's visible."

"I never knew that," said Hermione, peering at it even after he said the countercharm to release it. "How did you figure that one out?"

"It feels similar to highly concentrated chakra," he answered, which was only half a lie. In truth, it fascinated him so much that the moment he was alone, he tried and looked at it with the Sharingan. Before, even he hadn't fully understood what the Hokage explained to him, but now all the pieces fell together in his head, connecting to form a fumbling type of logic. "Magic is naturally at a high concentration in your body, which is why it's normally so difficult to learn. Releasing something that condensed in small bursts can be detrimental. The only reason I can do it so easily is because it's close to chakra, and precise chakra control was one of the first things I learned.

"Chakra, which I use, is loose in the body, which is why I don't need a tool like a wand unless I want to, and why I can channel into as a physical skill rather than an extension. Concentrated chakra, in comparison to magic, looks almost messy, even if it is powerful. Close your ears, this is loud."

Though they looked confused, all three did so. Gently, he kicked the door shut and cast a Silencing Charm on the door so no one ran up too look at one the hell was going on. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, he discovered, didn't disclose much information if asked not to, preferring to pry it out of others, and he (somehow) managed to gain their trust and friendship, however the hell that happened.

Even if it was harder to do without the Sharingan, he wasn't going to risk showing that to them. Instead, he sped through the hand seals necessary and concentrated as hard as he could. Suddenly, the room was filled with the sound of chirping birds, and he smiled brightly as the three of them stared at him with shock. And this time, the smile was one hundred percent real.

But it disappeared abruptly when the cursed mark suddenly hurt so badly it took all his willpower not to scream in agony. His Chidori released automatically and his hand flew up to his neck, pressing down on the mark before he even thought to stop it. Shock turned to alarm and the three friends uncovered their ears. Hermione rushed over, worried.

Well, at least he knew she liked him.

"What's wrong?" she asked, eyes searching his face, skipping (logically) over the _are you okay_ question. "Should I got get Mrs. Weasley?"

Oh god, definitely not that.

"I'm fine," he said, taking his hand off the mark even if the pressure had made it feel slightly better. But the pain was already going down and he wished for not the first time someone told him what the damn thing did. It was tied to chakra, he knew now, but how it worked he had no idea—and he hated not knowing. "Old injury acting up. Problem's already gone."

"What is it?" asked Ron as Hermione wisely backed away.

"Stupidity," he answered, relieved that the pain was almost completely gone. "Please don't mention this _or_ the Chidori to any of the adults. They're already don't trust that I'm good at what I do."

"You can at least tell us what happened," said Harry. "And is the Chidori thing what you did before?"

He nodded and kept a straight face. He needed to think of something and fast. Then he realized he could use this to further their good opinion and said, "I took a hit for a teammate. She was injured and couldn't dodge—and I'm smaller, so instead of going through her heart, I used my speed to push her out of the way and my height to get stabbed in the shoulder."

Since these kids had no idea how to keep emotion out of their expressions, he could tell they were all in varied degrees of being impressed. Up 'til now, they probably all thought he was the type of look out for himself (which used to be true, but wasn't now), but hopefully this convinced them that he actually knew how to help others. Which was sort of true.

_Yeah, because I taught you._

_Be quiet, Hermione keeps looking at me weird._

"Is she okay?" asked Hermione anxiously. "You said she was hurt."

"It was just chakra exhausted," he lied. "Unlike with magic, using too much can either exhaust us and kill us. The Chidori is chakra so highly concentrated that I you can see it. I can only use up to four a day without dying, though usually one is enough. I tried five as an experiment and, well, the outcome wasn't good.

"But anyway, see the difference? You can moderate magic more than you can chakra, which is why you don't get exhausted. And since it's so condensed, I think you have a near-endless supply. Little kids can do wandless magic, right? And it's really unpredictable."

Hermione and Ron nodded, but Harry said, "It can happen when you're older too if you get too mad or something." The redheaded boy suddenly snickered. "What? It was one time!"

"He made his aunt blow up like a balloon," said Hermione, disapproval lacing her voice. These kids revealed their emotions so much that Kakashi didn't feel socially inept! It was a mix between strange and awesome.

"She insulted my parents for four days straight!"

_That's new._

_What did I tell you?_

_Sorry, shutting up now._

"Um, interesting," he said, remembering his own reaction to hearing insults about his father and thinking that making someone blow up and float away was what he probably should've done rather than believe it—now that he acknowledged everything, he was forced to admit that he was a terrible son. But he quickly shook those thoughts away, not wanting to hear anymore voices in his head or do something stupid. And, from what he managed to infer, Harry didn't have parents either. How they died was still a mystery, but for the kid's sake, he hoped it was better than his own experience. "But, I meant to say that your wandless magic is closer to my chakra use than what you learn in school is. And I also think wandless magic could be really destructive if someone tried to control it with larger spells, like that Cruciatus Curse I read about."

Then a shudder went through Harry, and Kakashi knew this too: The boy had been tortured at least once.

"So if you weren't good with controlling your chakra, you couldn't use magic?" said Hermione.

"Yeah. Or at least I can't image how you could."

"Then I guess it's good they sent you, right?" said Ron.

Technically, he was sent for himself, not them, so that was just a good coincidence. Not that they needed to know that. Ever.

"You should ask Mum how to clean with magic," said Ron as he struggled to get off some mold that stuck to his arm. Good boy. "That would make everything easier—Why won't this mold come off!"

There was the sound of food sleeps coming up the stairs, heading for the room; he quickly released the Silencing Charm before saying, "I'll ask. It'll help when I go back home too, because the dust pile up in my apartment'll be terrible."

Molly entered and surveyed the room before asking_, "_Still not finished?"

"I thought you might be here to tell us to have a break!" said Ron. "D'you know how much mold we've got rid of since we arrived here?"

"You were so keen to help the Order," said Mrs. Weasley, "you can do your bit by making headquarters fit to live in. Kakashi," she added, turning to him, "Sirius is finished and offered to start you on fourth year if you'd like."

"Sure," he said, hopping off the bookshelf. Harry and Ron looked at him with jealousy, but Hermione seemed more annoyed at them, though Kakashi couldn't imagine why. Everyone hated cleaning (well, _most _people anyway). "Where is he?"

"The kitchen," she answered, which he supposed was obvious by now. The kitchen seemed to be the center of everything. Then again, it was one of the few places besides the bedrooms that was completely clean.

"Thanks." He slid past her before remembering what Ron suggested. "Oh, Molly, do you think you'll be able to teach me cleaning spells?"

"Did _they _put you up to this?" she asked, throwing a dirty look at her son and his friends.

"It sounded like a good idea," he said with a shrug, then decided to use his arsenal of manipulation to his advantage. Smiling as sweetly as he could manage, he added, "Using magic will make harder for me to breath in dust, too."

Thank god for natural maternal instincts. Molly's facial expression changed to something he thought was probably sympathy, or reassurance; they were difficult to tell apart. "Of course, dear. I'll show you tomorrow—but until then, you three get back to cleaning."

"Thank you," he said as he started heading away, catching Ron say something about feeling like a house-elf under his breath, then very clearly hearing Hermione's angered answer. Molly disappeared in the opposite direction, and he went to the kitchen fast before he could get roped into the argument.

"There you are," said Sirius as he entered the room, arranging two of every object he had on the table. "Since I'm not a teacher, I'm not going to show you anything in any particular order. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes," he answered, looking at the table. "Besides, I don't think Minerva or Remus were using organization either."

"True. Let's start simple. I'm going to make the apple on the right swell," he said, pointing his wand at it. "_Engorgio_!" As he said, the apple swelled about twice its normal size, somehow not exploding in the process; magic half the time ran on no logic whatsoever. "You try."

_I need to get all of these on the first try_, he decided. After using the Chidori and the reaction of the cursed seal, he felt the problematic beginnings of chakra depletion. This cursed seal was screwing with him, because he hadn't had this much trouble since he was four and still an academy student. He pointed his wand, said, "_Engorgio_," and was relieved that it swelled to the same size as Sirius'.

"Now that should be impossible," said Sirius, shaking his head.

"Graduated at five," Kakashi reminded him. "What's next?"

"We're going to dissolve it."

"You can dissolve an apple?"

_Magic lacks logic, _he reminded himself.

"Yeah," answered Sirius. "Watch. _Evanesco_! Your turn."

And as he said, the apple dissolved. He imaged doing that to a kunai flying his way and cursed the fact that he couldn't use this (at least in the sight of others) back in Konoha. Some of this could be really useful given the opportunity. "_Evanesco._"

After that, they practiced for another hour. By the end of it, Kakashi could split seams on fabric (the Obito voice liked that one), Summon and Banish, the Knockback Jinx, immobilize and slow down an enemy, repel water from an object, light a fire, create water, conjure flowers from the end of his wand, the Shrinking Spell, how to cause the sensation of tickling (to his great mortification, he actually giggled when Sirius hit him, much to the man's amusement), and how to damage eyesight. This, of course, was on top of everything else, which officially meant he knew about as much as a skilled fourth year. And when he asked, Sirius promised to teach him fifth and maybe sixth year spells when he had the opportunity.

When they finished, Sirius turned to him and said, "I need to tell you something."

Now that was unexpected. As a guard, they were forced to treat him as an adult, which meant he had a chance to sit in on the meetings. Of course, no one really explained the background of things to him, so he still had only a vague idea of why Voldemort was so bent on killing Harry, or how Harry survived the Killing Curse, but he was told enough that being spoken to privately didn't bode well. What could be so important that it couldn't be addressed in front of the rest of the Order?

"What is it?" he asked, sitting on the tabletop, listening for Molly so he could hop off in time.

"The rest of the Order is going to know tonight at an emergency meeting," he said, "but I thought I should tell you first. You know how the Ministry is involving itself with Hogwarts, right?" Kakashi nodded; he heard this multiple times. "Well, they said at the beginning of the summer that if Dumbledore didn't find a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, then they would choose one for him."

"It passed the deadline, didn't it?" he said, not liking where this was going. Even if he still didn't know much about this world, he managed to gather that the Minister of Magic refused to believe anything potentially dangerous or fear-inducing. If they meddled with Hogwarts, his job was about to get a whole lot harder.

With a sigh, Sirius answered, "Unfortunately. And Kingsley Shacklebolt just found out that Dolores Umbridge is the most likely candidate for the job. I don't know how else to word this, but this woman is evil. She had no redeeming qualities and she will do anything—and I mean _anything_—to get Hogwarts under her full control, probably by restricting the rights of the students. She pretends to be all sweet and innocent, but she far, far from it."

"What do you think she's going to do?" he asked, a disquiet growing. Then he felt the scratchy feeling in the back of his throat and reached up, covering his mouth with his elbow. He coughed once, feeling the blood come up. He couldn't wait for Friday. When he lowered his arm, he added, "How hard will she make my job?"

Sirius leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed. "I can guarantee she'll try to turn the student body against Harry and Dumbledore. And I know Harry seems like an angry kid now, but he normally isn't like this. The stress is getting to him and school hasn't even started yet. Umbridge has a way of bringing out the worst in people, and I bet she'll provoke Harry into doing something stupid. And if she assigns a detention, it'll be much worse than cleaning the trophy room the Muggle way."

"If she gets the position, what should I do? Kill her?"

For a moment Sirius' eyes widened before he fervently shook his head. "Even if you made it look like suicide or a complete accident, Fudge will still blame the school—it's a private establishment, but that doesn't mean the Ministry still can't shut it down." He took a deep breath. "I'm telling you this alone because if I said it in front of Snape or Molly or even McGonagall, they'd watch you a lot more closely, or at least disagree."

"That bad?"

"Yes, that bad. Listen, Harry, Ron, and Hermione aren't the type just sit around and take abuse, even from a teacher," he answered. "They'll break rules, go behind her back, rebel, just not openly. Still, there are risks. I'm saying that you shouldn't stop them, but help them keep a secret, out of trouble."

"Why? That goes against my job description."

_Really_? _I like the idea_!

_Of course you do. _

_ Well, then just listen to me for advice, yeah_?

Sirius was saying, "I know, but if you stop them, it'll contradict your job anyway. Others will try too, probably, but those three are good with their secrets. If you stop them, you're helping turn the school over to the Ministry which is something you're supposed to help avoid."

He nodded; what he said was right. While he knew he probably wasn't going to agree with everything about Hogwarts, he could tell from the way everyone talked about him that Dumbledore, though unconventional, was good to his students and his staff and fully devoted to keeping everyone safe. If the Ministry took over, it seemed, the school would change for the worse. And Kakashi understood now that sometimes the rules had to be broken for the sake of sanity.

"So basically I should help them not get caught and keep them out of any type of severe trouble?" he asked.

Sirius nodded, but before he could say anything else, Molly entered to make lunch. He quickly got off the tabletop before she could see.

"Thanks for the lesson, Sirius," he said, acting like the last five minutes never happened, crossing his arms so Molly didn't see the blood on his sweatshirt. He made a mental note to clean it out once he was alone—or ask Remus to do it when he came around for the meeting. "Are Harry, Ron, and Hermione still cleaning?"

"No, they should be down in a minute."

He nodded and backed up to the door. "I'll be back in a second," he said, without giving reason, and used a Shunshin to get out of there fast enough that Molly didn't have time to ask any questions.

The bedroom was blessedly empty. He gave himself a moment to appreciate the silence before going to his bed and changing his sweater.

.

"How was the meeting?" asked Hermione as Kakashi entered the boys' bedroom around eleven.

"Boring," he answered, sitting on his bed. "I think they expect me to know everything already, because all they do is talk about the same things over and over and never tell me what they mean. And Snape keeps staring at me and making snide little comments about how he'll be watching me at school. Potions is going to be _wonderful_."

Her two friends grinned, happy to hear an insult against the man. "He's a bloody git," Ron said cheerfully. "Head of Slytherin house, too."

"Then I better not be a Slytherin," said Kakashi, shaking his head. Like it usually was at night, the headband was off, his left eye covered by bandages. Hermione was itching to know what he was hiding, but every time someone tried to discreetly get it out of him, he abruptly changed the subject. "Last I checked, I'm the one supposed to be guarding him, not the other way around."

"He's like that to everyone," said Harry, "and he'll only get worse if you're a Gryffindor."

"I'd rather be a Gryffindor than a Slytherin." Though she truly did like to promote the idea of inter-house unity, it was somewhat satisfying to hear that, she had to admit. "I doubt he's going to let me out of doing homework, either. Minerva said I could for her class, but that's about the only one."

"Hey, we don't get out of any homework," said Ron, leaning back against the wall. "Do you get out of final exams?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Only three teachers know I'm not a real exchange student, so I doubt it."

"Actually," said Hermione, realizing this was something she should've asked a while ago, "who _are _you supposed to be?"

He answered, "Some random kid from a place called Konoha Academy who did really well and got a chance to study abroad, and Dumbledore accepted the request for me to go there. Relatively simple. And I can make something up on the spot if someone asks a personal question."

"How are you going to explain already being friends with us?" Harry asked, and Hermione truly felt terrible.

It was her idea, after all, to befriend the boy to pry information out of him, but then a problem came up: They all legitimately liked him. He was smart, and curious, and interesting. And it didn't help that she started noticing what Sirius was talking about (even if Ron and Harry were still clueless), which made him feel bad for him, because what could've happened to him to make him that way? It wasn't in her or her friends' natures to be coldhearted and she should've known when she first suggested it that they couldn't pull it off. While she still was dying to find out, she knew there was no way she could ever manipulate it out of him.

They trusted him, and she knew that if really came down to it, he would protect them even if they didn't want protecting and it seemed like he trusted them, too, or at least liked him. In response to Harry's question, Kakashi shrugged.

"You can say you stayed with us," said Ron, "but at the Burrow, our actual house, before coming to school. It's not really lying, either."

Kakashi looked at him skeptically, the visible eyebrow raised. "And people will believe that?"

"I don't see why not," she answered. "Also, sorry if this is, well, _personal_, but are you going to wear to wear the bandages at school?"

He shook his head and held up the headband. "This forehead protector's supposed to be my school uniform. Like, we can wear whatever we want at Konoha Academy and this is our symbol just like Hogwarts students have their robes, which I'm also wear—_Chi kisho_!"

Hermione jumped, startled. "What's wrong?" she asked as he pulled his hand out of the bag and put the side of his thumb to his mouth.

"Sliced my finger on a kunai when I was putting back the forehead protector," he answered, lowering his hand and holding his wand out. "_Episkey_," he said, and it was healed. Then he added, "Spare weaponry was supposed to be at the bottom, but I guess they moved."

"I thought you only learned first through fourth year spells so far," said Harry, looking at the place on his hand where the cut was only a few seconds ago.

"I read ahead," he said, sitting back down, "yesterday while you were cleaning. I think you're supposed to learn it sixth year—I don't know, I took one of Fred's old textbooks."

If Hermione had his learning capacity, she'd be the happiest girl in the world. Such endless possibilities wasted on someone who could only openly use magic for a year.

Then there was a moment where Kakashi paused and looked down at his thumb again. Over the past week Hermione'd seen a lot of these pauses and she was beginning to think that Sirius' analysis of "not a people person" was too weak to really explain what was going on. He moved again suddenly, taking a sweater out of his bag and bundling it in his arms.

"Um, I'll be right back," he said, and left.

"I'll never get used to that," said Ron after the door swung shut behind the grey-haired boy. As usual, he moved almost too fast to see. "He's like the human version of a Firebolt."

"He'd make a good Seeker," said Harry, causing Hermione to shake her head. "What?"

"All you boys think about is Quidditch," she answered, crossing her arms. "Honestly, I doubt he even knows what Quidditch is."

This, as it turned out, was the wrong thing to say. Ron's face lit up as he looked to Harry and said, "We've got to show him when we get to school." Harry nodded enthusiastically.

"You boys are hopeless." She rolled her eyes. Then, after a moment, she added, "I wonder why Snape doesn't like him."

Ron snickered. "I bet he just doesn't like the idea that a possible Gryffindor will get everything on the first. Love to see him try to take points away from that kid."

"It could be because he's young," said Harry, which was a pretty logical deduction for him from once. "Everyone has a problem with that. Your mum and McGonagall still talk about it."

"Yeah, well Mum thinks everyone below the age of thirty is too young for anything," said Ron, standing up and taking from socks out of his drawer. "What do you think, Hermione?"

What did she think? "Harry's most likely right," she answered, "but I guess we'll find out at school."

"Yeah, if he's a Gryffindor or Slytherin," pointed out Harry. "I can see him ending up in Ravenclaw. Then we'll never found out."

Then a voice from the door said, "He doesn't like me because he got in the way of my kunai practice." He had a smirk on his face as he leaned against the door frame, twiggy arms crossed over his chest as he held the bundled sweater, and for the first time since arriving he really looked like he could kill everyone in the Order and never break a sweat.

It scared her.

But the smirk faded and the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came and Hermione found herself wondering if it was just her imagination acting up. When she looked to Harry and Ron, she saw that neither of them looked remotely uneasy.

"When did that happen?" asked Harry. "I didn't know you were practicing."

"Sure I am, every day," Kakashi answered, moving from the doorframe and going back to his bed. "Anyway, I was in the sitting room that no one uses—you know, the one at the end of the entranceway hallway?—and throwing a kunai around a mark I made in the wall so I could make a smiley face. He heard a noise and came in right as I threw one at the door. Nice introduction, isn't it?"

"Snape deserves getting hit."

"Ronald!"

Kakashi laughed, something Hermione only heard once before. Though she still didn't know a lot about the boy, one thing she knew for certain was that he wasn't a happy person, and probably never had been. Or at least for a while. She could never claim to be an expert on human psychology, but she did have a woman's intuition and it activated itself almost every time she and Kakashi were in the same room.

They were in the same room a lot.

.

The day the Hogwarts letters came, which also happened to be the day before school started, Molly and Arthur threw a party for Ron and Hermione and Kakashi had one of the worst moments of his life—and that was saying something.

It started out like this: Ron and Hermione were made prefects, though it seemed like everyone thought Harry was going to be, and about half the Order members were invited over the celebrate. Though Kakashi wasn't positive about what a prefect was, he didn't feel like asking (he had the general idea, which was higher ranking students if that made any sense which it didn't), and said congratulations because that was what seemed appropriate. Later he went down to the party thing with the rest of them, and was immediately yanked aside by Sirius and Remus, and one look at their faces gave him all the answers he needed.

"Umbridge is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, isn't she?" he said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his sweater to stop him from reflexively clenching his fingers.

Sirius nodded, and Remus said, "I know you can take care of yourself, but be careful. She won't like that Dumbledore let an 'exchange student' come to Hogwarts without clearing it with the Ministry first."

"So basically she'll think I'm part of a whole conspiracy thing and torture me all year to make my life miserable."

It wasn't a question.

"Most likely," said Sirius, "or she'll try to get your on her side."

"Can't wait," he said, scowling. He was here for his own "protection," an undeterminable number of kilometers away from home, and his luck still sucked. Fate hated him. "The kids are coming over and from the conversation they with Tonks, I'm assuming they're about to ask you about whether or not you became prefect."

Startled, Remus started to ask, "How did you—"

But he was cut off by Ginny saying, "What about you, Sirius?"

And Sirius laughed, though whether it was reflex or he was faking it Kakashi didn't know. "No one would've made me a prefect," he answered, "I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge."

So Remus said, "I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally."

After that, Kakashi inched away, leaving everyone to break off into their separate groups to talk. He debated on the pros and cons of sneaking away and decided to wait for someone else to leave too. His ears picked up random conversation ("werewolf segregation;" "Skiving Snackboxes; "naught to sixty;" "shown confidence in;" others), but he didn't stop to listen to any. He finally read about the Patronus Charm earlier and really wanted to try it out. On his own, though, so if he fucked up with the happy memory bit, he didn't need to answer any questions.

What happy memories did he have anyway?

_How about the day you became a jounin?_

_ Rin, think about what you just said. _

_ O-oh, yeah. _

_ Yosh! How about the day beat Gai in front of everyone!_

_ Great, so now you've both invaded my head?_

_ Of course!_

_ Why wouldn't we, Kakashi-kun?_

_ Well, I'm shutting both of you up before anyone notices I'm talking to myself. _

_ You do realize you aren't talking aloud, right?_

_ Hey, he has a point, Rin! Maybe wizards can read minds!_

_ Really, shut up! Come back when I'm alone. _

_ Don't need to be so mean abou—_

He was saved from both his own head and the party when he saw Harry heading out the door. Discreetly looking around making sure no one was about to stop him, he slipped away after and ended up next to him.

"Someone doesn't look happy," he said and for once Harry didn't have his normal skittish response. Then, before he even realized what he was doing, asked, "What's wrong?"

He blinked owlishly. The Notoriously Emotionless Hatake Kakashi just had a moment of concern. What was the world coming to?

After a moment, Harry answered, "It's stupid. Moody showed me a picture of the old Order of the Phoenix. My parents were it, but he went through everyone else too and all about the way they died or were tortured or vanished—well, I know it must not seem like a lot to you, but I don't know, I guess I just wasn't expecting it."

Honestly, he did understand what Harry meant because every time he looked at the Memorial Stone he felt the same way. But he never got the change to say something someone upstairs suddenly broke out into sobs. He look to the boy next to him. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear wha—oh, yeah. Is that crying?"

"I think so."

Together they headed in the direction of the sound, even though Kakashi thought this could turn out into a terrible invasion of privacy.

What they discovered was Molly in the drawing room kneeling on the ground next to Ron's body. Ron's _dead _body. Ron's _dead _body that shouldn't exist because Ron's perfectly alive body was downstairs, talking about broomsticks and enjoying the recently discovered deliciousness of butterbeer.

…The Fuck?

Genjutsu was his first thought, but when it changed into Molly's other son Bill (who he had yet to meet, but learned a lot about) with the use of a spell, he knew that whatever was in front of her was one hundred percent corporeal and screwed up enough that all three of those in room could see it. Harry shouted at her to get out of there, and Kakashi remembered reading about a boggart, and how Mad-Eye and Molly were talking about one earlier. Sighing, he walked over to the woman kneeling on the floor and said, "Molly, this isn't real. Come on."

Though still sobbing her eyes out, the closeness of his voice seemed to jog her out of it. In retrospect, not moving back along with her was a crap idea, but he didn't know enough about the creatures to understand that. Nodding, Molly stared in horror down at the currently dead Hermione as she backed up. He (stupidly) stayed where he was. The moment he was closer to the thing than she was, the other two occupants of the small room screamed.

"_Kukuku._"

Kakashi froze, fear instantly rippling through him. _Don't turn around_! screamed Obito in his head, and though he knew this perfectly well, his body moved against his will, and he was facing what was literally his worst nightmare. It consisted of this:

One Nine-Tailed Fox Demon with its mouth clamped around Minato-sensei's body.

One Orochimaru leaning against the Kyuubi, dead Rin in one arm, dead Obito in the other.

One crying baby Naruto.

He stumbled back, reminding himself that it wasn't real but not knowing how to get rid of it, eyes wide as he tried to process what he was seeing. Then his body collided with someone else's and he promptly fainted.

He had just enough time to hear someone scream.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, people. School's starting Wednesday, so I won't be able to update every day anymore. Sorry! And I would've posted last night, but by the time I finished editing, it was two in the morning. Goddammit.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Next one starts Hogwarts. ^^

Also, in advance, I really like Moody. Truly, I do. So don't take this as opinion (you'll see what I mean.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Four

When Kakashi woke up, the entirety of the downstairs party was in the room with him. For a moment he panicked before realizing that the weight of the forehead protector was still there, meaning they still didn't know about the Sharingan or the scar. He opened his one good eye and forced himself into standing position, causing Ginny to squeak in surprise.

"What happened?" he asked, feeling embarrassed and stupid and _weak. _

Shinobi did not succumb to fear. Ever. This had never been a problem for him. After the death of Obito, he went and continued to help fight the war the next day; during the invasion of the Kyuubi, he fought right up until the demon was sealed; he fought Orochimaru for _two hours straight _and kept his mind working properly until the bastard bit him (fucking creep). He'd been tortured four times since he was eight and never talked. When he found his father's dead body, he snapped for maybe ten minutes before running to Minato's (only to snap more, but he preferred not to think about that). He was trained to attack on sight, and he had never failed that before.

So what the fuck just happened?

"You were attacked by a boggart," answered Remus, and his face was a bit too serious for Kakashi's liking. "I never taught you the spell to get rid of one, so I left you defenseless. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm fine," he said automatically, hating the number of people around him and how worried they all looked. Maybe he got them to like him a little _too _much. "I'm sorry, that won't happen again."

Then the biggest surprise of the night happened:

Molly hugged him.

His entire body tensed, but he knew better than to make a move to get out. Apparently she understood though, because she immediately released him, and her face was flushed.

"It happens to the best of us," she said and there were many nods of agreement. "Especially with—well, thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, thoroughly confused. There was no reason to thank him. "How long was I out?"

"Not even five minutes," answered Remus. He nodded, not sure what to say. "Molly screamed, which is what alerted everyone."

So it wasn't him that screamed. Good. No reason give himself a worse image than he already did. And thank god Snape wasn't here. "Oh."

"Are you okay now, Kakashi?" asked Ginny, worrying her bottom lip.

Too. Much. Liking.

"Yeah," he said, forcing a smile. Damn these wizards and all their smiles and worry and kindness because this was making his job a lot harder than it needed to be. There was a reason shinobi were supposed to stay impersonal. "Like I said, I'm fine. It won't happen again. Ever. I originally left to go finish packing. Can I go do that, please?"

"Oh!" said Arthur. "You're all supposed to be packing. We're leaving early tomorrow."

Kakashi slipped away as the adults turned to talking about preparations, glad they were ignoring him now. Nice and easy. Until he heard the mismatched footsteps.

"What is it?" he asked, turning around. He was already to the room, the kids about half way there, but Mad-Eye was waiting for him, the only person who hadn't crowded him.

The man's face appeared to be turned into a frown, but sometimes it was hard to tell with all the scars. Kakashi crossed his arm and leaned against the door frame, wanting to end the oncoming conversation quickly. Mad-Eye said, "I'm just wondering if it's a good idea for you do be a guard for that school."

"And why wouldn't I be?" Without noticing, his eyes hardened to the glare that made even the strongest men and women afraid. One of Mad-Eye's eyebrows raised, and Kakashi knew the glare was having some effect on him, but he wasn't sure what.

Then the man tapped below the electric blue eye, the one the kids told him could see anything (which, in reality, was really damn creepy). "I saw the boggart through the floor, boy," he answered, "and I'm wondering if it's such a good idea to leave a traumatized kid to work his way through a different culture."

More harshly than he intended, he said, "What are you suggesting? That I be institutionalized? I'm not insane; it's how I grew up. If you like, I can rattle off my resume because some 'traumatized kid' can't do even half of what I've done."

_You do talk to yourself. _

_ Not helping. Come back later. _

_ Oh, fine. You never—_

He quickly tuned out the voice in his head, waiting for Mad-Eye's reply. He didn't seem happy, or even remotely placated. So much for trust. "Then do it," he said, and Kakashi knew this was going to happen eventually.

"I've been on three Unranked missions, a total twenty-two S-class missions, thirty-five A-ranked, seventy-two B-ranked, and I haven't been on a C-or D-ranked mission since I was nine," he stated, listening for when Harry and Ron were about to turn the corner. "I've never failed a mission. I can't tell you many people I've killed because even I don't know. I've never been sent for psychiatric—" _Lair. _"—evaluation because my mental health has never been in question. I'm considered one of the strongest shinobi in the Hidden Continents at thirteen. Doubt me now?"

Mad-Eye practically growled. "I don't know what happened to you, Hatake, but if your boggart's that bad, then maybe your higher up should be thinking into _psychiatric evaluation_."

"I—"

But then the kids came around the corner and the conversation abruptly stopped. Mad-Eye walked away, and Kakashi hoped to god that he could feel the glare he was giving him.

"What happened?" asked Harry as he and Ron moved parallel to him.

"Nothing," he said through gritted teeth, not even bothering to hide he was angry. "He just had some words of advice, one veteran to another."

He didn't miss the look that passed between the two boys. He moved out of the way, letting them enter, following a moment behind and heading to his bed. Ron rubbed the back of his head and said, "Moody can be a little paranoid, so don't let him get to you."

"I'll keep that in mind," he mumbled, still in a thoroughly bad mood and not caring about how he came across to them. They liked him by now anyway; he could get away with this every once in a while. Then he turned around, facing the two older boys. He said, "Hey, Harry? This is going to be personal as hell, but what happened to your parents and why does Voldemort—" Ron winced. "—want to kill you?"

There was a moment of silence where none of them said anything, though it was clearly written on both their faces that they were completely shocked that he didn't know. Not that he cared at the moment. For the first time in a while, his face was completely impassive, and the familiarity felt wonderful.

After the silence passed, Harry jerked his head and said, "Voldemort killed them when I was one. My mom died trying to protect him and when he tried to kill me, the Killing Curse backfired. Now he's back and marked me as his mortal enemy. No one told you?"

It didn't take a psychological genius to understand that was a touchy subject. "Yeah, no one told me," he said, satisfied that he finally knew what was going on. "Any other important information I should know that everyone neglected to mention?"

Harry and Ron looked at each other. "Well," said Ron, "do you know about the hearing?"

Kakashi shook his head, so Harry said, "I was attacked by dementors in July, before I came here, so I cast a Patronus. We aren't allowed to do magic outside of school except in emergency situations. I went to the hearing but I was tried in full court because Fudge is trying to convince everyone I'm crazy. Throwing me out of Hogwarts would've made me look worse and the Ministry look better."

_Wow, this government sucks_, said Obito.

_You're right. A government shouldn't deny something because isn't good. _

_ Pretty pathetic that only about twenty people are bothering to do something about it._

_ No kidding. And civilians complain that the Council is bad. _

_ That's because they're all stuck up bastards, which is basically the same thing. _

_ They're looking at me weird. _

_ Better go, then. No need to be told to shut up every ten seconds. _

"Are you okay?" asked Harry. Kakashi nodded. "Okay, important...Well, in my first year of Hogwarts, Voldemort possessed our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who tried to kill me so he could get this thing called the Philosopher's Stone that grants eternal life and makes gold."

"In our second year Voldemort's memory took over the school by possessing my sister through a diary," said Ron in a voice that showed this was a perfectly normal situation. "He also used a giant snake to petrify Muggle-borns. Oh, and all this was happening through the Chamber of Secrets, where in the entrance is in the girl's out-of-order bathroom haunted by an overly emotional ghost."

"His memory?"

Harry shrugged. "We don't understand it either. He said he locked his sixteen-year-old self into a diary. In our third year, Sirius escaped from Azkaban and everyone was panicking because they thought he killed thirteen people and was coming after me since he was Voldemort's most loyal servant. 'Course, at the end of the year we found out that the real person who did all of that was disguising himself as Ron's rat for twelve years. He got away, though, so now only people in the Order know that Sirius is innocent. So basically, don't mention him around others."

Confused, Kakashi said, "Wait—disguised himself as a rat? So he was an Animagus?"

"How do you know what that is?"

"I read. Is a werewolf like an Animagus?"

"Where did you hear about werewolves?" asked Harry, bewildered. "And they're people who turn into wolves every full moon. It's a curse, and you only get it if you're bitten."

"Hermione was talking to Remus about werewolf segregation at the party," he answered. "Is he a werewolf?"

The two boys nodded dumbly, as if they were too shocked to think up a lie. Mystery of why Remus smelled like a wolf was officially solved. "Just don't mention it to anyone," said Ron. "Most people don't like talking about werewolves."

"Okay. Is that everything important?"

Rather than look at each other this time, the two boys very noticeably avoiding eye contact. "No," said Harry, which was a blatant lie. "No, that's it."

He paused and looked at him long enough that the taller boy was aware that Kakashi knew he was lying before he casually shrugged and said, "Okay."

Relief passed over his face, so Kakashi let him think he won.

Because when he asked, he knew Hermione was going to tell him, no questions asked.

.

"Mum and Dad just sent Hedwig back," said Hermione the next morning as Kakashi struggled to get the bandages to lie at the bottom of his pack (thank god he didn't need to bring a trunk). "Are you ready yet?"

"Nearly," answered Harry; Kakashi succeeded in his attempts and snapped the bag shut. "Ginny all right?"

From what Kakashi managed to gather, the twins had sent their luggage flying down the stairs with magic, and one of their packs slammed their little sister from behind. Hermione said, "Mrs. Weasley's patched her up. But now Mad-Eye's complaining that we can't leave unless Sturgis Podmore's here, otherwise we'll be one guard short."

"So now he's getting an entire group to replace my job?" said Kakashi, turning around and decided that he really, _really _hated the man. Both Harry and Hermione looked over. "Podmore's an idiot anyway. I talked to him once and I think he'd be only _slightly _more helpful than Mundungus as a guard."

With a sigh, Hermione said, "I don't know, it's just what Mad-Eye says—"

"I'll see downstairs in a minute," he said, cutting the girl off and leaving before either kid could say anything. It was time to find Mad-Eye and put him straight because this wasn't making his life any easier.

His search was quickly put to an end after Molly finished screaming for Harry and Hermione. She turned to him and said, "If you're looking for Mad-Eye, dear, he's waiting for us at the station. I told him that it wasn't necessary with you here, but he gets like sometimes…"

"MUDBLOODS! SCUM! CREATURES OF DIRT!" shouted the portrait of Sirius' darling mother. Her voice was so loud that with his sensitive hearing, Kakashi was vaguely surprised his ears were bleeding. If only throwing a kunai at her face worked. He tried his fifth day here with a shuriken to the mouth (much to Sirius' happiness), but it only caused her to shout louder.

"Harry, you're coming with me, Kakashi, and Tonks," Molly said as Harry came downstairs, having to shout over Mrs. Black. "Leave your trunk and your owl, Alastor's going to deal with the luggage…Oh, for heaven's sake, Sirius, Dumbledore said no!"

Kakashi looked down to see a big black dog looking up at him, one that smelled remarkably close to Sirius. An Animagus, of course. To anyone who didn't have an excellent sense of smell though, he was didn't look any different from a normal dog. What was the harm? Rather than voicing this, he listened to Molly said, "Oh, honestly. Well, on your own head be it!"

She pulled the front door open and they walked out into the freezing September morning. The weather didn't seem to bother the other three, but to him this was only slightly warmer than a Fire Country winter. Though his sweater was warm, the shirt underneath was a simple black one meant to be worn in combat, so the material was relatively thin and meant to release body heat, not contain it. Not exactly the most idea thing to be wearing right now. When Tsunade said England was cold, he wasn't expecting this.

"Where's Tonks?" he asked, wrapping his arms around himself. If this was early September, then what was December going to be like? Behind them, Sirius entertained Harry by snapping at pigeons and chasing his own tail, which made Kakashi really miss Pakku. He was summoning the moment he had the opportunity.

"She's waiting for us just up there," said Molly, pointing to an old woman at the top of the hill, pointedly looking away from the black dog.

When they reached Tonks, Kakashi was again reminded of how unnerving her special…condition was. Transformations that complete could only be done through body altering jutsu, and that wasn't nearly as effective or permanent as what she could do.

"Wotcher, Harry, Kakashi," she said, giving them a wink. "Better hurry up, hadn't we, Molly?"

"I know, I know," said Molly, already looking strained from the walk. Tch, such a civilian. Then again, she was nearly fifty with seven kids, which could explain it. For all he knew, she was really in shape when she was younger and this was just the gradual deterioration of a mother's body. Still, it did suck having to keep pace with her. She continued, "But Mad-Eye wanted to wait for Sturgis…don't know why…"

_I hate this. _

_ What? That someone doesn't trust you?_

_ What else, Rin? Have you ever seen someone go behind my back on a job before?_

_ No…and they are supposed to be working with you._

_ Exactly! He doesn't have the right!_

_ Well, you'll be far away from him soon. Then you can do your job however you want. _

_ And have to deal with nightmare woman for a teacher. _

_ Oh, stop you pessimism. You can handle her, easily. _

_ I know, I know. It's just that—_

_ No, I get it. You better carve our names into a tree or something by the way!_

_ I was already planning on it. _

_ And put a heart around mine. _

_ Okay, okay—wait, what? I'm still talking to myself, aren't I?_

The Rin voice giggle. _Not really. You're talking to me. But I think I should go, because Molly's talking to you. Have fun!_

This was getting bad. Really, really bad. Sure, he had Obito's voice in his head occasionally before, but that was always more a conscious thing, pointing out he should feel bad or something along those lines. But to actually have conversations with himself? That never happened before. What was going on with him?

Next to him, Molly was saying, "I'm sorry about Mad-Eye, Kakashi. He shouldn't be doing this. But, I guess old habits die hard…"

"I think he just doesn't like a kid taking over," said Tonks cheerfully as Kings Cross Station came into view. "He's always in control of these situations so that now he doesn't know what else to do with himself."

Kakashi looked to Tonks and asked, "How many years was he in service as an Auror?"

"Forty-two," she answered, "so he has experience."

He scowled, since the same spiteful mood as the night before, only made worse but this new arrangement. As the crossed the road to the train station he said, "Lucky him. I'm pretty sure the only person I know with forty-two years experience is the Hokage. Hell, I don't think I know any shinobi over the age of forty-five besides clan leaders, and they're usually only active half as often as normal shinobi, even during wartime to preserve their bloodline limit."

Molly winced and Tonks nervously asked, "So, do you retire early or something?"

"No, we usually die," he said, taking a sadistic sort of satisfaction at their obvious discomfort. It was his way of saying, _Yup, that's right, I make his job look like nothing. _"Like I said the first day, we have lower life expectancies."

_Oh, now you're just being mean for the sake of it. _

_ Of course. Why shouldn't I be?_

_ Well, they haven't do anything to you. _

_ No, but it'll eventually get back to Mad-Eye, won't it? _

"How long have you been active?" They were now inside the station, making a beeline for the brick column between platforms nine and ten.

"Nearly nine years," he said. "We just go through the brick, right?"

"Yes," answered Molly, hurrying them over. All in all, it took about twenty minutes to reach here. "Tonks, you go first. Kakashi and Harry can follow you."

Tonks, still as an old woman, nodded and leaned against the brick, sliding through easily. Kakashi _really _wanted to look at that with his Sharingan. Molly nudged him, so he followed Tonks' example, and was surprised to find that no feeling came from passing through the seemingly solid column. Harry came through half a second afterwards, followed by Molly. Now all they had to do was wait because Mad-Eye was a bastard and disrupting his job.

_You aren't letting that go, are you?_

_ No. _

"I hope the others make it in time," said Molly, looking to the archway.

"Nice dog, Harry!" shouted a ridiculously tall boy.

"Thanks, Lee!" said Harry, and Sirius wagged his tale. Then the boy looked to Kakashi and added, "That's Lee Jordan, Fred and George's best friend. He's a Gryffindor, too."

Before he could answer, Molly let out a sigh of relief. "Oh good," she said, "here's Alastor with the luggage."

Mad-Eye came through the doorway, his eyes shaded by a hat, wheeling along a cart full of everyone's trunks.

"All okay," he said to Molly and Tonks, completely avoiding Kakashi. "Don't think we were followed." Before he could say anything to the man, Arthur showed up with Ron and Hermione, accompanied seconds later by Remus, the twins, and Ginny. "No trouble?"

"Nothing," answered Remus.

"I'll be reporting Sturgis to Dumbledore," said Mad-Eye. "That's the second time he's not turned up in a week. Getting—"

Schooling his expression so he didn't glare or radiate off killing intent, he cut the man off with, "You know, you wouldn't have to if you let me _do my job_."

"Well, doesn't help to have too many eyes out there, does it, Hatake?"

_This man has no sense of stealth, _he thought.

"No," he said, still keeping his voice and expression perfectly even, perfection from years of shinobi emotional training, "but it _does _make you more conspicuous, especially since you bothered to separate the Weasleys. Logically, why would they travel apart? To anyone who paid attention, that'll seem pretty off in their family dynamic."

Next to him, Tonks grimaced, which meant there was no denying that he was right. Mad-Eye didn't answer, instead surveying him with his magical eye. Remus told everyone to watch themselves (singling out Harry, of course) before putting his hand on his shoulder and saying quietly, "Kakashi, I'd like to talk to you for a moment before you all head to the train." He nodded, letting Remus lead them off until they were in a quieter, empty part of the platform.

"What is it?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Goodbyes were being exchanged, which meant they had roughly two minutes to spend together before Kakashi had to run off.

The man took a deep breath and said all in one go, "If the Hat tries to put you in a different house than Gryffindor, beg it to change its decision."

"You can do that?"

"I'm not sure. Probably not. And you seen like a Gryffindor anyway, but I still don't know enough about you to be sure." He put on hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Listen, it's better for you, and it's better for them. With the Ministry meddling in Hogwarts, it's going to get nasty."

"Sirius told me that."

"Harry saw someone die last year—" Well, that explained the lie last night. "—and that's one of the things the Ministry is picking at. Umbridge might—"

"Kakashi, come on!" Ginny called as the whistle blew.

"You need to go," said Remus, giving him a little push. "Thank you for all your help. Watch out for Peeves."

"I'm just doing my job," he said awkwardly as he walked backwards, not used to be thanked. "Who's—"

"Ask one of them on the train. Go. Goodbye."

"Bye, Remus." Then as he passed the group of others, he added for show, "Goodbye to you too. Thanks for letting me stay!"

"Oh, any time, Kakashi," said Molly, also playing her part, as Harry called for him. "Come around for Christmas. No go on, don't miss the train."

He didn't need telling twice. After quickly making sure no one was looking, he used about half his normal speed to end up right in the middle of the Weasley children and friends. They all shuffled onto the Hogwarts Express and for the smallest moment, Kakashi actually felt a bit of excitement. But it disappeared as quickly as it came and he leaned against the wall and watch Harry lean out the open window and shout, "See you!" To be the good little exchange student he was supposed to be, he waved along with the rest of them.

Then the train gained speed, and the platform was gone.

"He shouldn't have come with us," said Hermione anxiously, and Kakashi could only assume she meant Sirius.

"Oh, lighten up," said Ron, "he hasn't seen daylight for months, poor bloke."

Clapping his hands together, Fred cut in with, "Well, can't stand around chatting all day, we've got business to discuss with Lee. See you later." Both he and his twin left, heading down the hallway. The train went a little faster. Kakashi had never been on one before, so all of this was completely new.

"Shall we go and find a compartment, then?" asked Harry to his friends, who glanced to each other.

"Er," said Ron as Hermione more properly explained, "We're—well—Ron and I are supposed to go into the prefect carriage."

"Oh," said Harry. "Right. Fine."

"I don't think we'll have to stay there all journey," said Hermione, and Kakashi felt very much as an outsider, something so common it had almost no effect anymore. "Our letters said we just get instructions from the Head Boy and Girl and then patrol the corridors from time to time."

"Fine," Harry repeated. "Well, I—I might see you later, then."

Ron said, "Yeah, definitely. It's a pain having to go down there, I'd rather—but we have to—I mean, I'm not enjoying this, I'm not Percy."

"I know you're not," said Harry with a smile and Kakashi wondered what was funny.

They and Ginny watched Hermione and Ron's retreating backs before the last girl of the group said, "Come on, if we get a move on we'll be able to save them places."

"Right," said Harry, and they all adjusted their holds on their luggage.

After a bit of walking in silence where many people pointed and whispered at the sight of Harry, Kakashi asked, "So who's Percy?"

Ginny tensed as Harry answered, "Percy Weasley. He graduated from Hogwarts two years ago and went into the Ministry. Apparently he—he—"

"He cut himself off from us," said Ginny bitterly, "because we sided with Harry and Dumbledore and not his precious Fudge. He pretends he's so good and everything, but all he cares about is himself like a bloody Slytherin."

_I think all Uchihas would be Slytherins_, said Obito.

_Except you. You'd fit in with these kids way more than I do. _

_ Hey, you're doing a good job. Don't count yourself out!_

Once they reached the back of the train, they met up with a worried looking boy holding his trunk in one hand and a toad in the other. The toad reminded him painfully of Jiraiya, who he never thought he'd miss (after all, the man _did _used to use him to help pick up girls before he became a genin), and Minato-sensei. He reached up and touched the cursed mark on his neck, realizing it hadn't hurt once in the past week, and pushed away the memory of his teacher—his _friend_—standing on the head his massive toad summon as he faced off the Kyuubi.

For once, neither Obito or Rin had anything to say.

"Hi, Harry," said the boy, panting."Hi, Ginny..Everywhere's full…I can't find a seat…who are you?"

"I'm—"

"What are you talking about?" said Ginny, peering inside the compartment. "There's room in this one, there's only Loony Lovegood in here—"

"I don't want to disturb anyone," the boy mumbled.

Ginny laughed. "Don't be silly, she's all right."

Then she slid open the door and the three boys had no choice but to follow.

"Hi, Luna," said Ginny to an odd-looking blonde girl with hair down to her waist and wide blue eyes. Harry and the other boy looked a little perturbed, but Kakashi didn't see anything wrong with her. She wasn't exactly conventional by wizard standards, that was obvious, but she wasn't blatantly deformed or anything. Or wearing an outfit of tight green spandex and orange leg warmers. "Is it okay if we take these seats?"

Luna nodded, so the three newcomers sat down. Automatically, Kakashi took the seat closest to the door. "Thanks," Ginny said, and he felt pathetic because he couldn't reach the luggage rack above the seat and it wasn't in his best interest to jump or propel his with chakra. In such a way that no one else saw, Harry helped push it up.

Embarrassing as hell, yes, but oddly considerate. He nodded his thanks because snapping didn't seem appropriate.

"Have a good summer, Luna?" Ginny asked as they all sat down. Luna held a magazine upside down, and Kakashi had trouble figuring out what it said.

"Yes," she answered, looking to Harry. "Yes, quite enjoyable, you know. _You're _Harry Potter."

To which Harry said, "I know I am."

The other boy laughed quietly, causing Luna to look at him instead. "And I don't know or you are. Or you," she added, looking to him.

"I'm Ha—Kakashi Hatake," he answered. "An exchange student from Japan."

"How very interesting. You don't look Oriental."

"I'm nobody," said the other boy.

"No you're not," said Ginny, crossing her arms. "Neville Longbottom—Luna Lovegood. Luna's in my year, but in Ravenclaw."

And so Mystery Boy had a name.

"_Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure_," she said, and even through context clues Kakashi had no idea what it meant. It didn't help tha the never heard the word _wit _before. Luna raised her magazine to hide her face.

"Um, Kakashi, right?" said Neville after a moment, staring at the forehead protector. Kakashi nodded. "What year are you going into?"

"Fifth," he answered, highly displeased at the surprise the other boy's face. "I turn fifteen on September fifteenth."

Minerva was the one who suggested this lie, because going into fifth year and never actually being fifteen was going to raise a few questions. Not that Kakashi particularly minded; in a year filled with half-truths and secrecy, what was one more lie?

"Then shouldn't you be in fourth?"

Kakashi shrugged. As he doubted most students understood the reason why schooling started at eleven, he answered, "Our curriculum works differently than yours, since we start at ten. I'm the equivalent to a fifth year here. My headmaster arranged it with Dumbledore."

"So why Hogwarts?"

People here _really _needed to learn how to mind their business. "Our headmasters are apparently good friends. I was advanced enough in my studies that I had a chance to study abroad. With all the amazing things you hear about this place, I decided Hogwarts was the place to try."

"How do you know Harry and Ginny?"

"He stayed with us over the summer," Ginny said quickly. "You know, to learn English so he didn't mess up on his grammar every ten seconds."

"I could already speak it," he said before Neville could comment on how he learned an entire language in ten weeks, "sort of. I just needed some practice."

"Oh."

Questions for the moment stopped, and the four in the compartment fell into what was a relatively comfortable silence. Kakashi adjusted the way he was sitting so he was leaning against the wall and could look out the window. Despite being so damn cold, the English countryside was gorgeous, he had to admit. Completely different from the Fire Country, as the trees weren't as big and more than half of it was purely moorlands and about a quarter all cities, but it wasn't an eyesore to look at. In fact, nowhere on the Hidden Continent looked anything _like _England, which was interesting.

After a while, as outside the train changed from sunny to cloudy, Neville said, "Guess what I got for my for my birthday?"

"Another Remembrall?" asked Harry. Kakashi, of course, had no idea what a Remembrall what (though he assumed it had something to do with memory), but he couldn't ask because he was supposed to be a wizard and this was some magic object thing.

Screw undercover.

_At least this—_

_ Please don't talk about that, Rin. _

Neville was saying, "No, I could do with one, though, I lost the old one ages ago. No, look at this…" Then he pulled the ugliest plant in the world from his bag, holding it like it was his pride and joy. "_Mimbulus mimbletonia_," he said, smiling broadly. The thing pulsed. "It's really, really rare. I don't know if there's on in the greenhouse at Hogwarts, even. I can't wait to show it to Professor Sprout. My great-uncle Algie got it from me in Assyria. I'm going to see if I can breed with it."

From the corner of his eye, he saw Harry slide a glance of to him. He looked back for a second, only to look away quickly because he was on the verge of actually laughing. Him. _Laughing. _But the plant was so ridiculous that he couldn't help it. And if he kept eye contact with Harry, who obviously thought along the same line, he had a feeling the result would be disastrous to the Neville boy's self-esteem.

"Does it—er—do anything?" Harry asked, and Kakashi was glad to see a completely straight face.

Neville answered, "Loads of stuff! It's got an amazing defensive mechanism—hold Trevor for me…"

He handed Harry the toad to grab a quill from his bag, and a bad feeling told Kakashi it was a good idea to pull his wand out right about now. And right now, he bet his intuition was on to something, so he discreetly pulled out his wand, ready to do something if necessary. As Luna lifted her eyes above the top of the magazine, he hoped that it really, really wasn't. Then Neville poked a boil.

"_Repello_!"

Somehow, he and Harry were close enough that the Repelling Spell covered both of them, causing Ginny, Luna, and especially Neville to get drenched with the plant's juice thing. A rancid type of smell suddenly assaulted Kakashi's senses, amplified because of his sensitivity. He quickly covered his nose and mouth, not caring if it was rude, coughing violently in reaction. Moments like this reminded him why the Hatake face mask was _really _helpful.

"S-sorry," Neville was saying and Kakashi tried to calm his coughing, irrationally afraid more blood was going to come up (which is didn't, thankfully). "I haven't tried that before…Didn't realize it would be quite so…Don't worry, though, Stinksap's not poisonous—really, Kakashi, it isn't!"

"I'm fine," he said hoarsely, deciding that probably wasn't his greatest introduction to his new classmates. The compartment door slid open; Kakashi looked up, expecting Hermione and Ron, and instead finding him incredibly close to a pretty girl with long black hair like someone from the Uchiha family, only not quite as pale.

She said, "Oh…hello, Harry. Um, bad time?"

Though Harry and Kakashi were completely fine, he saw her eyes flick over to the other three, sap covered occupants of the compartment.

"Oh…hi," said Harry and he could practically feel the awkward teenage hormones in the air, reminding him keenly of the multitude of genin and academy girls who repeatedly tried to converse with him when he was out of his ANBU uniform.

"Um…Well, just thought I'd say hello." Then she noticed Kakashi (which was pretty pathetic, considering he was the one sitting closest to her). "Oh, hello, are you a first year? Welcome to Hogwarts."

Harry and Ginny, those traitors, broke down laughing. Only years of practice kept his face from turning red. Though laughing, Ginny managed to clean up her side of the apartment as Harry said, "No, he's in my year, Cho. This is Kakashi Hatake, an exchange student."

"Nice to meet you," he said automatically. She blinked rapidly.

"Kakashi?" she said, as if that was more interesting than the once-a-century Hogwarts student from abroad. "Isn't that the Japanese word for scarecrow?"

"Yes," he answered, wondering how the hell she knew that. "And Cho's the word for butterfly. Chang isn't Japanese, though."

She shook her head. "I'm Chinese on my dad's side, Japanese on my mom's. You don't look Japanese."

"I get that a lot." He didn't know how to answer up an alternative. "Well, um—"

"How was your summer?" asked Harry.

"It was nice," she said, and the awkward hormones came back like the past half a minute never happened. "How about yours?"

"Same." Wow, this was riveting. "So, er…"

"Just wanted to say hello," she repeated. "Bye then."

"Bye…"

After a moment of nothingness, Ginny broke down into laughter again. "You should've seen your face, Harry! You were the definition of love-struck teenager!"

Though he scowled, he said to Kakashi, "Thanks. That could've been so much worse if I was covered in Stinksap."

"Sorry," mumbled Neville.

"Do I really look like a first year?" Really, he knew he was short, but he didn't look eleven for god's sake.

Surprisingly, Harry said, "No. You're just…you know—"

"Vertically challenged."

"Thanks, Ginny," he said dryly. "I really appreciate it."

_Aw, c'mon, no fair! When I called you short you used to punch me!_

_ Aren't you the one who keeps telling me to play nice?_

_ Still, that's just…I wish I was there right now! _

_ Why?_

_ 'Cause then I could say whatever I wanted and you couldn't do anything about it._

_ Well—well—_

"Any time," she said cheerfully.

Conversation changed again as Neville started drilling him on what he knew about Hogwarts. Here, he found out several interesting things, such as who Peeves was and how it was a good idea to run when he came around. He was also warned of Sir Cadogan, a portrait on the way to the Divinations classroom, and given the full description of the horribleness of Filch and his cat. He was asked if they had Quidditch in his old school, so he lied and said yes and Harry and Ginny helped him through the multiple questions that followed, considering he only learned about the sport a week and a half ago.

By the time Hermione and Ron showed up an hour or so later, the trolley had come around and the three Gryffindors keep trying to get him to eat Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans, which he was vehemently against. Maybe it could've worked if Ginny hadn't given him a very in depth description about what they meant by "every flavor." Right as the door opened, the three of them gave up and went to eat everything else in the pile of sweets.

Ron put the puffball he called an owl on the rack and said, "I'm starving." He flopped down next to Harry and grabbing a Chocolate Frog, looking absolutely exhausted.

"Well, there are two fifth-year prefects from each House," said Hermione, taking a seat next to Ginny. "Boy and girl from each."

"And guess who's a Slytherin prefect?" said Ron, leaning his head against the window.

"Malfoy," answered Harry, mouth turning into a grimace. Over the past three and half weeks, Kakashi heard quite a lot about this Draco Malfoy and his family, which further solidified his want to not be in the Slytherin house.

"'Course," said Ron, taking another Chocolate Frog.

"And that complete _cow _Pansy Parkinson," added Hermione. From what Kakashi managed to gather, calling a girl a cow was the English way of saying whore. He didn't like whores very much. "How she got to be prefect when she's thicker than a concussed troll..."

"Who's Hufflepuff?"

"Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbott," answered Ron.

Hermione said, "And Anthony Goldstein and Padma Patil from Ravenclaw."

Suddenly, Luna decided to speak. "You went to the Yule Ball with Padma Patil." Again, she looked over the edge of her magazine.

"Yeah, I know I did."

This girl had a way of pointing out the obvious.

"She didn't enjoy it very much. She doesn't think you treated her very well because you wouldn't dance with her." Then she added, "I don't think I'd have minded. I don't like dancing very much."

As she disappeared behind the magazine again, Ron stared in disbelief before looking around at the others for explanation. Ginny was biting her hand she was trying that hard not to laugh. Then he shook his head and said, "We're supposed to patrol the corridors every so often, and we can give out punishments if people are misbehaving. I can't wait to get Crabbe and Goyle for something…"

"You're not supposed to abuse your position, Ron!"

"Yeah, right, because Malfoy won't abuse it at all."

"So, you're going to descend to his level?"

"No, I'm just going to make sure I get his mates before he gets mine."

"For heaven's sake, Ron—"

"I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing," said Ron, then deepened his voice into what Kakashi assumed was an imitation and screwed up his face, writing in midair. "_I…must…not…look…like…a…baboon's…backside…_"

Everyone laughed, so Kakashi made himself laugh too, even if he didn't get it as he only heard complaints but never actually met the boy. Luna, though, didn't stop laughing to the point that she woke up Harry's bird.

"That was so _funny_!"

Ron, being as utterly confused as everyone else, looked away from her, again searching for answers.

"Are you taking the mickey?" he asked her, and Kakashi had no idea what the hell he meant.

"Baboon's…backside!"

As most of the compartment's occupants watched Luna laugh, he watched Harry picked up the magazine on the floor. Now that the title was actually upright, Kakashi saw that it read _The Quibbler. _

"What is it?" he asked, looking over it to see a ridiculous picture followed by ridiculous-looking article titles. Harry shook his head in the universal sign of _I don't know._

As Harry seemed to have no complaints in the matter, Kakashi read over his shoulder, becoming more and more weirded out. According to this, Sirius was secretly a musician and the Minister of Magic ate goblins in pies. Halfway through the second article, Harry quirked a brow at Kakashi before riffling through, still not complaining that he was reading over his shoulder.

When Harry closed the magazine and Kakashi backed away, Ron asked, "Anything good in there?"

To which Hermione answered, "Of course not. _The Quibbler_'s rubbish, everyone knows that."

"Excuse me," said Luna, suddenly sounding clear, focused, and annoyed. "My father's the editor."

"I—oh. Well…it's got some interesting…I mean, it's quite…"

Luna, apparently not wanting to hear any more stuttered apologies said, "I'll have it back, thank you," and plucked it from Harry's hands. She turned it upside again and hide her face again.

The compartment door opened.

From description, Kakashi immediately recognized the three boys as Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. All had varying degrees of smugness on their faces. "What?" said Harry before the boy could say anything.

"Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you a detention," he said, Kakashi hated him instantly. This wasn't a very common reaction, as he normally didn't particularly hate or like anyway, usually keeping a middle balance of indifference and dislike (or annoyance, in Green Spandex Man's case). But Malfoy officially made the second on his list of hatred, closed following Mad-Eye, though both were still pretty far away from Orochimaru. "You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone."

Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny laughed, which only angered the pale boy more.

"Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?"

Kakashi, deciding to end this before it turned into a full on verbal warzone, said, "You know, if you're a prefect, shouldn't you be patrolling rather than sticking around in one compartment to show off?"

"And who are you?" Malfoy sneered. "I haven't seen you around."

"I'm new," he answered. "An exchange student."

An uncomfortable gleam came to Malfoy's eyes. "Well, then you should know that this lot isn't the type you want to associate with." He raised the one visible eyebrow. Like Neville, the boy's eyes were focused on the Konoha symbol over his left eye. "You haven't been Sorted, have you? You should hope for your sake that you don't end up with _them_."

"Who? The Gryffindors?" he said mildly, looking up at Malfoy with a bored expression. "They're all right. Know it's rude to stare for one, thing. So no thanks, I think I'll choose them if you don't mind."

He looked furious, but couldn't come up with an answer before he jerked his head in the direction of Harry instead and said, "Just watch yourself, Potter, because I'll be _dogging _your footsteps in case you step out of line."

"Get out!" yelled Hermione, standing up and slamming the door in their faces. As she went to sit down, she caught his eye for a moment and an understand went between them.

He knew about Sirius.

Ron, apparently noticing nothing, said, "Chuck us another Frog." Since no one else seemed about to do something, Kakashi picked up one and threw it lightly. "Thanks," said the redhead as he caught it.

After another few hours or so of unimportant chit-chat, the sky darkened, rain pelting the window, and another bubble of excitement sprang up before fading.

"We better change," said Hermione after Luna put away her magazine away.

Without much talking they all pulled their robes from their bag and changed, trying not to bump into each other. After making sure no one was looking, Kakashi snatched his weapon holster from his bag and attached it to his leg, glad that the school uniform completely hid it from view of others. It was also a relief, because he felt secured and slightly more normal with kunai and shuriken so easily accessible. When the train began to lose speed, Ron and Hermione left to go supervise, leaving their pets behind. Kakashi made sure to stay away from the cat.

"I'll carry that owl," said Luna, taking Ron's cage from Harry's hand.

"Oh—er—thanks."

Then they left the train and he was hit by the wonderfulness of the night air to his face, not bothering to hide his small smile of happiness. It smelled like trees and water and familiarity.

"First years line up here, please!" said a female voice, her face showing up a half a second later, visible by lantern light. "All first years to me."

"Where's Hagrid?" said Harry.

Ginny answered, "I don't know, but we'd better get out of the way, we're blocking the door."

"Oh yeah…"

Kakashi shuffled after Harry, trying not to get lost in the crowd or have the woman spot him and in the darkness assume he was just a tall eleven-year-old like the Cho girl did. Then the coaches he heard about came into view and he couldn't help but say, "What the hell _are _those things?" when he saw the creepy horse things pulling them.

"I don't know," answered Harry, also staring. "They've always been horseless before."

_Damn, those things are creepy. _

_ You can say that again. Did they even have skin?_

_ Looks like just fur to me. _

"Where's Pig?" said Ron, materializing behind them.

"The Luna girl was carrying him," said Harry, turning around, leaving Kakashi to awkwardly stare on his own. As no one else was staring, he didn't want to seem obvious and turned around. Harry asked, "Where d'you reckon—"

"—Hagrid is? I dunno. He better be okay…"

_He's looking for giants_, Kakashi found himself wanting to say, but knowing it wasn't a good idea to betray the Order's trust. Now, if they ever figured it out on their own, he wasn't going to stop them, but he couldn't just go and blurt it out. Actually, why did he even want to?

Oh, these attachments were worrying him.

As Hermione appeared, she said, "Malfoy was being absolutely foul to a first year back there, I swear I'm going to report him, he's only had his badge three minutes and he's using it to bully people worse than ever…Where's Crookshanks?"

"Ginny's got him," said Harry. "There she is…"

"Thanks," said Hermione, taking the wriggling cat from the other girl's arms. "Come on, let's get a carriage together before they all fill up."

"I haven't go Pig yet!" yelled Ron, but Hermione was going off to the nearest empty carriage.

"What _are _those things, d'you reckon?" Harry asked, pointing Ron in the direction of the creepy horse things. Kakashi perked up, wanting to hear this, too.

But he was sorely disappointed when Ron answered, "What things?"

"Those horse—"

He was cut off by the appearance of Luna. She handed Ron back his bird and said, "He's a sweet little owl, isn't he?"

"Er…yeah…He's all right," he said. "Well, come on, then, let's get in…what were you saying, Harry?"

"I was saying, what are those horse things?"

"What horse things?"

"The ones pulling the carriages!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about—look!"

Kakashi looked at Harry, glad that he wasn't the only one who could see them because he was already worrying about his sanity. "I think we're the only two seeing them," he said, ignoring Ron's questions.

"What—but that's—" He looked to Ron. "Can't…can't you see them?"

"See _what_?"

With a sigh, Kakashi shook his head. Harry looked to him, disappointed. "I'm—I'm not imaging them, am I?" Again, he shook his head, feeling very uncomfortable.

"Shall we get in, then?" said Ron, obviously worried for their mental health.

"Yeah, yeah, go on," said Harry.

"It's all right," said Luna's voice from behind them. "You two aren't going mad or anything. I can see them too."

"You can?" said Kakashi.

"Oh, yes," she answered. "I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You two are just as sane as I am."

As they climbed in after her, Harry said under his breath, "I don't think that's a good thing."

Kakashi was greatly inclined to agree.

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Yup, Mad-Eye's a bit of bastard here. Review please! :3


	5. Chapter 5

Yo. School's starting on Wednesday, so my updates won't be this regular. Job + AP English + Having to walk home = Annoyance.

Also, I have no idea where _half _of this chapter came from. I'm in a really weird mood and it shows.

Note: There will be no shinobi attacks on the castle or anything similar. It'll completely fuck with the plot I set up. But don't worry, people, there'll be action. And use of the Chidori.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

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Chapter Five

_I love it. _

_ For once, Obito, I think I have to agree. _

Not matter how Kakashi looked at it, Hogwarts was amazing beyond compare. He'd been all over the Hidden Continent, and never, _never _had he seen a castle or any manmade structure this grand. There was a picture of it on the cover of _Hogwarts, A History_, but it didn't compare to the real thing at all. For the moment at least, his act of the happy, impressed exchange student became completely, one hundred percent genuine.

"What do you think?" asked Hermione with a grin, falling into step with him as they crossed the giant threshold into what was probably the most beautiful building entrance he'd ever seen. Wizards were overly extravagant and didn't understand the concept of moderation, but he had to admit it paid off. Suddenly he didn't mind protecting the school as much, because it the thought of this being destroyed was a real shame. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yeah," he said, looking up at the ceiling and then all around. "When—how does this place even _work_?"

With a shrug, she answered, "Magic," and it explained everything.

"Chakra could never do this," he said when he made sure no one was listening. "It isn't practical at all, but it's just—"

"I know what you mean. Oh! There's Professor Sprout, I think she's coming over to talk to you."

And indeed the teacher was, making a beeline in his direction. He looked to Hermione and threw her a casual, not entirely faked smile. "I'll see you after the Sorting."

"At the Gryffindor table," added Harry as they headed away, leaving him momentarily alone with the oncoming teacher.

The woman asked, "Are you Mr. Hatake?"

Who _else _would he be?

"Yes," he answered and was very pleased to find out she was shorter than him. People in England where much too tall. Really. "Um, I guess you're here about the Sorting…"

"Oh, of course." She reminded him very strongly of a doting civilian grandma who spent most of her time baking pastries or working on her garden; she smelled of earth and flowers. "You're going to be Sorted last. This a very unusual situation, you know, I don't think we've had an exchange student since Achilles Adonis, and that was when Professor Dumbledore was just a student!"

"Then I'm very honored that I was chosen, Professor," he said politely, wondering what kind of name Achilles Adonis was. "So, do I go stand with the first years or do something else?"

"You know how the Sorting goes?"

"I stayed with the Weasleys over the summer to improve my English."

She smiled and lead him towards the dining hall—Great Hall, everyone called it—and said, "Well, your English is perfect! Professor Dumbledore said you were coming all the way from Japan, so I was expecting more of an accent, I must admit. He also said you were to wearing the symbol of your school. Is that the headband?"

"Thank you," he answered. "And yes. We don't have a uniform, just this."

"Then I'm sure this must be a strange adjust meant to you," she said kindly. Well, she wasn't entirely wrong; while he was used to uniforms, he had to get used to the robes. They slipped in through the doors as everyone took their seats. With a bit of amusement, he saw Ron shake his head a girl who was about to take the seat next to him, and read his lips as he told her it was saved for someone. "Here, you are to stand by the door, either side will do, and when the Sorting ends, Professor McGonagall will call you up and Professor Dumbledore will give you a small introduction so the other students understand the situation. Now, I have to go back to the staff table. Nice to meet you, Mr. Hatake!"

"Thank you, nice to meet you, too." he said, settling against the back wall, shadowed so no one noticed him. The ceiling above him looked exactly like the night sky, like _Hogwarts, A History _said. Harry searched him out anyway, sending him a small and mouthing, "Good luck!" He gave a bright smile back.

Phase One: Earning Trust and Affection was a full success.

His eye searched the hall, finding Malfoy and friends at the table furthest from the Gryffindors. Cho sat at the table next to that, laughing at something a curly-haired redhead said, Luna not too far down from them. The only table where he knew no one came in between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, and he figured it was Hufflepuff. At the Gryffindor table, he easily found all the Weasley kids, and saw that Neville sat near the trio of friends he spent the summer with. Then he noticed Hermione pointing at something up at the staff table; he followed her gaze and almost died of horror right there.

For sitting up next to Dumbledore was a woman with a bright pink sweater and bright pink robes. Her face was frog-like, and her curls were cut short, a pink clip embedded in her hair. There was no doubt in his mind that the woman was Dolores Umbridge, the teacher who was going to make his and Harry's lives miserable and try to take control of the school. Sirius described her as evil and with one look at that sickeningly sweet smile, Kakashi knew he was more than right. He'd been literally tortured enough times to recognize the many faces of a sadist and those that looked happy were also the absolute worst. They were the always the cruelest, the ones that got angry if you didn't scream and laughed if you did.

Hokage-sama said he shouldn't underestimate wizards, that they could be dangerous, but he was expecting _that. _

Then the Great Hall doors opened and the first years entered, Minerva heading the line. She caught her eye for a moment, flicked them to Umbridge, and pressed her mouth into a thinness of disapproval. Impression confirmed.

_Be careful with that one, Kakashi-kun_, warned Rin in his mind.

_I know. Fuck, if she tries to take over the school, I think she could do it. _

_ I'd say kill her, but…_

_ Yeah, I know. Orders. This is bad. _

The Sorting Hat broke into song, but he wasn't paying attention, distracted by his first real enemy and Rin's voice in his head.

_Maybe your pessimism wasn't too far off. _

_ Come on, I thought your entire purpose was supposed to make me feel better. _

_ Yeah, but I can still be realistic. _

Minerva called, "Abercrombie, Euan."

_What do you think she's going to do?_

_ Antagonize Harry, try to screw with you. Be extra cautious around her. _

_ No questions. Act like a normal wizard. Got it. _

_ You should tell at least Hermione. Wait, if you're not—_

_ Keep yourself and Obito out of my head while I'm being Sorted. _

_ Are you going to ask if it tries putting you somewhere other than Gryffindor? _

_ What're the odds?_

_ You could be a Ravenclaw, which is a problem. I mean you're brave, but…_

_ But my loyalty isn't exactly commendable. _

_ I wouldn't say that. You just don't connect well with people. Loyal to Konoha…_

_ I don't think that's what they're asking for. And go, the Sorting's done. _

_ I'll keep Obito out. Good luck, stay safe. I'll check in tonight. _

As she disappeared, Dumbledore stood, a peaceful smile on his face. "To our newcomers," he said, voice easily heard throughout the room, "welcome! To our old hands—welcome back! I know you all want to enjoy another delicious meal, but I have an announcement to make first.

"This year something very special has happened." There was silence in the room other than his voice and Kakashi had to admire his ability to get a group of civilian kids to shut the hell up. "For the first time in ninety-eight years, Hogwarts has accepted an exchange student. He comes all the way from Japan, and has greatly advanced in his studies. His headmaster asked if he could take a year to study at Hogwarts as a fifth year, to broaden his knowledge outside that of his country, and who am I to deny a young man of a learning experience?

"Please, welcome Kakashi Hatake."

Clapping broke out, and Minerva motioned for him to come to forward to the stool. Vaguely, he recognized a new sensation he felt as nervousness, but forced it down so it became nonexistent. He'd taken much worse than standing alone, as the center of attention, in front of a room of one thousand or so. This mission was screwing with his head, and it was only a month it. He learned shinobi emotional training since he was four, and traditionally didn't feel anything at all. This was ridiculous.

When he sat, Minerva put the hat on his head, and it embarrassingly almost fell over his eyes. The room was silent, a sort of uncomfortable (at least for him) anticipation in the air.

_You aren't a real student, _said the Hat, which was still unnerving even if he was warned beforehand.

_No, _he answered. _No, I'm not. Are you going to Sort me?_

_ Well, you're very cunning, but lack ambition…hard working, true, but much to unique for a Hufflepuff…perhaps the most brilliant head I've ever been place upon…_

_ Please just put me in Gryffindor. I don't care if I don't belong there. _

_ You're very brave, _it said, ignoring him, _fought nightmares, I see. _

_ Keep out of those!_

_ You want to be there in Gryffindor to join your friends, do you? Yes, I see, you're very loyal. _

_ I—what? Friends?_

_ Loyal to your home, loyal to friends and new teammates, though you weren't always this way. I do believe that the place you most belong, despite your brilliance, is—_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Relief washed over him as his new housemates broke in applause and cheers. He handed the old Sorting hat back to Minerva who said very quietly, "Welcome to my House, Hatake. Your bed will be added to Potter's dorm." He nodded and as he walked away, he momentarily caught Dumbledore's eye. The man gave him the smallest of smiles before addressing his students and saying, "Tuck in!"

"You scared us there for a moment, mate," said Ron as he sat down, the redhead boy giving him a pat on the back. "What took you so long?"

"It felt a need to analyze my entire personality," he answered, running his fingers through his hair. Hermione, who sat to his left, positively beamed.

"It does that to most people," said Harry, leaning around Ron. Other Gryffindors were starting to move in, peering curiously. There was no doubt that they weren't even the littlest suspicious of his story, which was both good (for him) and somewhat pathetic (for them).

Two girls across from them leaned over. The paler brunette stuck out her hand and as they shook said, "I'm Lavender Brown. Dumbledore said you're name is Kakashi, right?"

"Yes," he said and her friend also stuck out her hand. He shook. Suddenly a whole bunch of hands came out, followed by introductions.

"Nice to meet you, Kakashi! I'm Pavarti—"

"I'm Katie Bell—"

"Lee Jordan, you were with—"

"Hiya, Kakashi! I'm Colin Creevey—"

"I'm Dennis—"

"Angelina John—"

"Dean Thomas, how do you know—"

"I'm Seamus Finnigan, in your—"

Ginny showed up out of nowhere and laughed. "Merlin, give him so room to breathe!"

"Welcome to Gryffindor!" said several people at once.

Wizards were so _friendly._

"Nice to meet you," he said, rubbing the back of his head and pulling off the right amount of embarrassed, causing at least half the people there to comment on how good his English was.

The twins came over and the one he could now fully identify as Fred said, "He stayed with us over the summer—"

Then George said, "Should've heard our mum—"

"Loved him, she did—"

"Where else did the Hat want to put you?" asked Lavender, causing just about everyone to stare at him with interest, Harry, Ron, and Hermione included.

Figuring there was no reason to lie and hoping this would get everyone off his back, he answered, "Well, it said I definitely wasn't a Slytherin—" There was a universal sigh of relief. "—and that I was too unique for Hufflepuff—" A few laughs. "—so it was caught between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, but eventually decided I belonged here."

_Whoa_, said Obito, _you're successfully being nice. What's the world coming too?_

_ I've done harder undercover, keep in mind. _

_ True. Well, have fun! _

_ Don't leave me!_

Obito laughed before disappearing completely; he was almost disappointed. But there was so much going on that he didn't have time for distractions. "We knew you had it in you!" said Fred, messing up his hair, causing Kakashi to scowl.

"How old are you?" asked the girl who introduced himself as Katie Bell.

Neville said, "He's fourteen, if you can believe it!"

"But you're a fifth year!" said as Colin asked, "Can I take your picture?"

Harry shook his head at Colin and said, "No, Colin, he doesn't want a picture."

Kakashi had a feeling Harry had been dealing with this kid for a while. "I turn fifteen on September fifteen," he said before realizing that was a crap idea because now most of the Gryffindors knew his birthday. Kakashi didn't like to celebrate his birthday, so he just signed himself up for a day of misery.

"What's with the headband?" asked a tall, pompous-looking blonde boy.

"We don't have a school uniform," he answered, "so this our identifier instead, like how you have robes."

"What's Japan like?" said Pavarti. "I've always wanted to go."

"It's nice," he said, thinking of Konoha with a sort of unfamiliar homesickness. "Really different from England."

For the next ten or so minutes, he was pelted with questions remarkably similar to Neville's (meaning, at least half at to do entirely with Quidditch), helped along by the Weasleys, Neville, Harry, and Hermione. He narrowly avoided a few questions about why his eye was covered, thanks to everyone interrupting each other. Harry, he took note off, had the least number of classmates talk to him or even looking at him. Eventually everyone dispersed back to their little groups, and Kakashi picked up that there were officially five conversations about him, two about Quidditch, and several more about classes, Umbridge, or both.

"So what did McGonagall say to you?" Ron asked the four of them finally had the chance to grab the food. Kakashi, of course, had the least amount of on his plate, but he hated most English food with a passion and only grabbed what looked either tasteless or slightly edible. "You know, after you were Sorted?"

"That a bed for me is being added to your dorm," he answered as the ghost Ron called Nearly Headless Nick floated over.

"Hello, new Gryffindor," he said and Kakashi repressed a shutter. He was talking to a _ghost_. "Welcome to Hogwarts. I am Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington. You may call me Sir Nicholas."

"Thank you," he said, knowing the ghost was going to forever be Nearly Headless Nick in his mind regardless of what he called himself. "I'm Kakashi Hatake."

"What were you saying before the Sorting?" Hermione asked. "About the hat giving a warning?"

The Sorting Hat gave a warning? Maybe he should've paid attention rather than talked to Rin about the sadist up at the staff table.

"Oh yes," said Nick, turning away from Kakashi to look at Hermione instead. "Yes, I have heard the hat give several warnings before, always at times where it detects periods of great danger for the school. And always, of course, its advice is the same: Stand together, be strong from within."

So a hat knew how to give good advice. The wizarding world was never going to make sense to him. Ron said something through the grievous amount of foot in his mouth Kakashi couldn't even decipher. He swallowed thickly.

"I beg your pardon?" said Nick. Hermione looked to her friend in disgust.

Ron answered, "How can it know if the school's in danger if it's a hat?"

"I have no idea," said the ghost. "Of course, it lives in Dumbledore's office, so I daresay it picks things up there."

Harry glanced over at the Slytherin table. "And it wants all the Houses to be friends? Fat chance."

"Unity's a good thing," said Kakashi, picking at the food on his plate. "You can't accomplish anything important without teamwork, unless it's meant to be done solo. Teamwork is a necessity."

Then the food disappeared, replaced by desserts instead. A lot was either chocolate, which he was highly allergic to, or ominous looking; he decided not to touch anything.

"Well, that's the attitude," said Nick approvingly. "Peaceful cooperation, that's the key. We ghosts, though we belong to separate Houses, maintain links of friendship. In spite of the competitiveness between Gryffindor and Slytherin, I would never dream of seeking an argument with the Bloody Baron."

"Only because you're terrified on him," said Ron.

"Terrified?" said Nick, offended. "I hope I, Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, have never been guilty of cowardice in my life! The noble blood that runs in my veins—"

"What blood?" Ron blinked rapidly. "Surely you haven't still got—"

The ghost, by this point, was trembling. "It's a figure of speech! I assume I am still allowed to enjoy the use of whichever words I like, even if the pleasures of eating and drinking are denied me! But I am quite used to students poking fun at my death, I assure you!"

Hermione quickly said, "Nick, he wasn't laughing at you!" Ron attempted to say something, but it turned out as gibberish because his mouth was so full again. Hermione, furious, rounded on him. "Well done, Ron."

"What? I'm not allowed to ask a simple questions?"

"Oh forget it."

No matter how awkward the moment was, he saw it as an opening to say, "So, um, the woman up there in pink, she's—"

"Her name's Umbridge," said Harry, which came as a bit of a surprise; he didn't expect them to know. "She works for Fudge. She was at my trial."

Well, that explained it. "I know who she is already," he said, dropping his voice so only the three of them could hear, wishing he could talk to them in private but knowing no way around it. "Listen, I found out yesterday—"

"And you didn't tell us?" whispered Hermione as she and Ron leaned closer to participate in the discussion, argument already forgotten.

"The whole—well, I forgot," he said, knowing they could fill in the rest so he didn't need to blow his pride by saying it. "But anyway, the Ministry sent him."

"Oh my god," said Hermione, horrified. "The Ministry is interfering at Hogwarts."

"How—what do you mean?" said Ron.

"I'm guessing they don't want Harry to Dumbledore to convince anyone that they're telling the truth," he said with a shrug. "I don't know, my knowledge of your politics is limited to those History of Magic textbooks and the complaints everyone had over the summer."

Harry looked faintly sick. "They've already ruined me and Dumbledore with the _Prophet_, but they still want to do more?"

"I agree!" said Hermione. "The Ministry has done enough damage already and they need to learn how to accept this."

Kakashi shrugged. "Hey, it's their downfall. You guys are prepared. Them? One attack and they'll either go down or come to Dumbledore begging for help. 'Least what it sounds like to me."

Before they could say anything else, the food disappeared and Dumbledore stood up, all sounds silencing abruptly. He smiled and said, "Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast, I beg a few moments of your attention for the usual start-of-term notices. First years ought to know that the forest in the grounds is out of bounds to students—and a few of our older students ought to know by now, too." Harry, Ron, and Hermione all smirked, and Kakashi felt pleasantly aware that he had full and utter permission to break this rule.

Dumbledore continued, "Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me, for what he tells me is the four hundred and sixty-second time, to remind you that all magic is not permitted in corridors between classes, nor are a number of things, all of which can be checked on the extensive list now fastened to Mr. Filch's office door.

"We have two changes in staffing this year. We are pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." There were a few applause, but not much. "Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the—"

Umbridge stood up, though it wasn't noticeable (for she was even shorter than Sprout, who was shorter than Kakashi), causing Dumbledore to stop. She cleared her throat, though came out sounding like _Hem, hem_. For a moment the old man seemed completely surprised before it disappeared and he sat down, looking at the little woman with great interest. So his client was a good little actor; Kakashi felt immediate respect. That was the face of someone who knew what he was doing.

"Thank you, Headmaster," said Umbridge in a voice that made him want to gag, "for those kind words of welcome. Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled widely again. "And to see such happy little faces looking back at me!"

_Um, no one in this place looks happy, ya'know?_

_ Well, yeah, I know. She's just, well…_

_For god's sake, the woman could at least try not to ooze evilness. _

_ Ooze evilness?_

_ Yeah, 'course. _

_ Whatever. You know, she's perfectly positioned for a long distance assassination._

_ Kunai to the right temple?_

_ Yeah. Perfect trajectory. I estimate one eighth of a second without chakra help. _

_ She's talking. _

_ I know. Her voice is excruciating. If I can't kill her, I'm at least going to make her miserable._

_ What're you going to do?_

_ Eh, I haven't thought of that yet. I'll figure out something eventually. _

_ Ha! Almost every student is asleep! _

_ Not Hermione. Or me. Though, well, I'm not listening. Just talking to you. _

_ Oh, what I would've done to hear those words earlier. _

_ Sorry…_

_ Don't worry about it. She's done, and there's a letter in front of you, so I better go._

_ Letter?_

When he looked down at his empty plate, there was, as Obito said, a letter. _Kakashi Hatake _was written on it in English in handwriting he didn't recognize.

"You were right, Kakashi," said Hermione in a low voice when Umbridge finished. Then she spotted the paper in his hand as he tore open the envelope. "Ooo, what's that?"

He didn't answer, even when Harry and Ron repeated the question. They stood, and he read:

_Mr. Hatake—_

_ I regretfully request that you meet me once your fellow dorm mates have fallen asleep to give us a chance to converse in my office. Minerva will be outside your common room entrance to act as your guide. _

_ —Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore _

"We all fall asleep pretty early the first night," said Harry, voice laced with something he couldn't put his finger on. Jealousy? Bitterness? He didn't know. "Or just wait for everyone to close the curtains."

"Okay," he said as Ron called, "Hey—hey, you lot! Midgets!"

"_Ron_!"

"Well, they are, they're titchy…"

"I know, but you can't call them midgets…First years!" said Hermione, ignoring her friend. "This way, please!"

"See you later," said Harry as he started to walk away, Kakashi following close behind, planning to commit this route to memory. Of course, that was somewhat difficult since Harry brought him down several secret short cuts to get away from the crowds. Though he could understand it, the movements skewed his ability to make a mental map. "Sorry," said the boy dully. "I just…Well, I should've expected this."

He remembered very violently of the aftermath of his father's failed mission, and all the comments and glares he got, despite being a kid. But he wasn't going to let Harry know that he understood on some level (a picture was being painted in his mind of what happened last year from all the whispering), even if the situations were drastically different. Somewhat. Instead he said, "Hey, at least you're showing me shortcuts, right?" because him staying silent in reply didn't go with the persona he created for himself. He was pretty sure he talked more in one month than he did in his entire life. Because baby babble didn't count.

"I guess." Silence fell, broke by the light sounds of Harry's feet hitting the stone floor. After five minutes or so, he said, "Hey, Kakashi?"

Considering that he had to go a meeting later and he spent most of the feast talking, he didn't want to engage in further conversation. Damn fabricated personality. "Yeah?" he said, rubbing his eye.

"How do you deal with it?"

"Deal with what?"

Harry sighed. "You know…just…well, y'know. Over the summer, all the adults treating you like a kid even when you obviously hate it, or when you see a friend die?"

"What makes you think I saw a friend die?" _Don't snap_, he reminded himself because he could fell his natural defense trying to push up.

"The boggart," the other boy mumbled. "I couldn't see why they'd just be random people."

Damn. The brat was more perceptive than Kakashi thought. And more inquisitive. Rather than show how fucked up he really was, he answered, "Eh, it's the way I grew up, watching people die, so I'm not exactly the best person to ask. The summer, though? They weren't all that bad, honestly. Snape was just being a bastard, which I've gathered he usually is, Mad-Eye treated me more an I-don't-know-what but definitely not a kid, and Molly acted pretty maternal to everyone, adults included."

_You complained about it every ten seconds. _

_ What do you always tell me?_

_ True, true. And I'm offended that you—_

_ Bye. _

"Oh," said Harry. "Sorry for asking about your friends. It's just—"

"You saw a boy named Cedric die last year," he cut in. "I know. They're talking about it."

"What else do you hear?"

"Oh, just that you're a lunatic and Dumbledore's losing his touch or something like that." He forced a grin. "But don't worry, I think you're remarkably well behaved for a crazy person. I'll make sure to tell the asylum the straightjacket isn't necessary."

This got Harry to laugh, which was the desired effect. They fell silent again, which was what Kakashi wanted. If only that damn boggart hadn't been there, or if he'd been smart enough to move. Then again, just because Harry made a good guess didn't mean he had to spill all his secrets. He acknowledged about the fourteenth day into the mission that spending ten months with this kid and his friends, forced to show emotion while "playing nice" and not wearing his mask, that they were going to pick up on something—or at least Hermione was. Harry though? Now that he wasn't expecting.

"That's the Gryffindor entrance," Harry said as the neared a moving (of course) portrait of a large woman in a pink dress. "Oh, wait, I don't know the password…"

"No password, no entrance," the painted woman said.

Oh. Joyful.

"Harry, Kakashi, I know it!" said Neville, coming to a stop behind them. "Guess what it is? I'm actually going to remember it for once!" He showed them the plant thing again. "_Mimbulus mimbletonia_!"

"Correct," said the portrait, and it swung open, revealing a comfortable room inside. The three entered, passing Fred and George as they posted something on the bulletin board. Unfortunately Kakashi couldn't read what it said, since it was in the blind spot created by the covered Sharingan.

"Come on, we're over here," said Harry, and added to Neville, "McGonagall set up an extra bed with us."

"Oh, cool," said the forgetful boy.

When they entered the door, Kakashi immediately knew something was wrong. Next to him, Harry tensed, so he knew he wasn't imagining it.

"Hi," said Harry as he, Neville, and Kakashi split off to go for their trunks (or, in Kakashi's case, bag.)

As he pulled out his pajamas out, which were given to him by Molly when she found out he slept in shorts and a t-shirt and still thought English summers were cold, and a roll of bandages, Dean said, "Hey, Harry. Good holiday?"

He ducked behind his bed near, happy it was the closest to the wall, and changed as fast as he could, feeling silly in his too-big, blue tee-shirt and equally too-big, plaid pants that used to belong to George, wondering how he could head off to meet the headmaster in dignity while wearing this. Then, nervously, he untied his forehead protector before rapidly wrapping the bandages in his places. Two years of practice made this easy.

"Not bad," said Harry as he came back around to put his folded his school robes the drawer next to his bed. "You?"

Thankfully, no one laughed at Molly's choice of hand-me-down sleepwear.

"Yeah, it was okay. Better than Seamus' anyway, he was just telling me."

Well, that didn't sound good. Neville asked, "Why, what happened, Seamus?"

After a moment's pause, he answered, "Me mam didn't want me to come back."

Mam, he supposed, was another way of saying Mom, or Mum. He decided that dialects were terrible things, especially when it was dialects of a second language.

"What?"

"She didn't want me to come back to Hogwarts."

"But—why?"

After another long pause, Seamus finally said, "Well, I suppose…because of you."

"What d'you mean?"

Holding in a sigh, Kakashi turned around, wondering if it was a good idea to jump in before this got too heated. He saw Neville's eyes flick to the bandages over the left side of his face, but he, too, was watching what was unfolding and didn't comment.

"Well," Seamus repeated, "she…er…well, it's not just you, it's Dumbledore too…"

"She believes the _Daily Prophet_?" said Harry and his voice held a shinobi-level nothingness, which meant the calm before the storm when it came to wizards. "She thinks I'm a liar and Dumbledore's an old fool?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Then the anger hit, even if it wasn't verbal. Anger was an easily identifiable emotion to Kakashi, who lived more than half his life face to face with angry men on the battlefront. Much more identifiable than comfort or worry. This, at least, he knew how to deal with. Now, all he had to do was adapt to the situation and figure out how Happy Nice Exchange Student would react to this as a distraction.

As he was thinking, mind devoid of his friends, Seamus said, "Look…what _did _happen that night when…you know, when…with Cedric Diggory and all?"

"What are you asking for?" said Harry right when Kakashi came up with an idea. "Just read the _Daily Prophet _like your mother, why don't you? That'll tell you all you need to know."

Kakashi's visible eye went wide and he bit his bottom lip nervously, perfectly timing it with Dean's periodic eye flicks in his direction.

"Don't have a go at my mother," said Seamus.

"I'll have a go at anyone who calls me a liar."

"You're scaring the new boy!" said Dean, causing both and Seamus to shut up and look in his direction.

Unfortunately, that was right when Ron came in, shooting the distraction to pieces when he asked, "What's going on?"

"He's having a go at my mother!"

_Thanks a lot, Ron_, was all Kakashi could think, but Dean was still looking at him, so he couldn't drop the nervousness yet.

"What? Harry wouldn't do that—we met your mother, we liked her…"

"That was before she started believing every word the stinking _Daily Prophet _writes about me!"

"Oh," said Ron, and Kakashi saw the best friend look kick in (another emotion he could identify because no matter much they argued, he saw the same look on Obito's face whenever some pretentious bastard who still had a problem with his father years later bothered to say something about it—he really should've been nicer before his best friend was just a voice in his head, not angry with the protection). "Oh…right."

"You know what?" said Seamus, rounding on Harry. "I don't want to share a dormitory with him anymore, he's a madman."

"That's out of order," said Ron, ears going red.

"Out of order am I?" Unlike the redhead, he was steadily getting paler. "You believe all the rubbish he's come out with about You-Know-Who, do you, you reckon he's telling the truth? And what about you, Hatake?"

Oh, great. He knew he was going to get dragged in at one point.

To his immense relief, Ron said, "Yeah, I do! And leave Kakashi out of this, he hasn't even been here three hours!"

"Then you're mad, too," said Seamus, and Kakashi was too numb with shock to stop it now. He sat on his bed, trying to wrap his mind around what happened, because Ron didn't even give him an option to say anything, instead just going up and defending him even when they only knew each other for less than a month.

Damn wizards and all their smiles and their kindness because this was making his job a lot harder than it needed to be.

"Yeah?" said Ron. "Well, unfortunately for you, pal, I'm also a prefect! So unless you want a detention, watch your mouth!" And after a strained quiet fell, he added, "Anyone else's parents got a problem with Harry?"

With a shrug, Dean answered, "My parents are Muggles, mate. They don't know nothing about no deaths—" Kakashi, whose first language wasn't even English, knew how grammatically incorrect that was. "—at Hogwarts, because I'm not stupid enough to tell them."

"You don't know my mother," Seamus said, "she'll weasel anything out of anyone! Anyway, your parents don't get the _Daily Prophet_, they don't know our headmaster's been sacked from the Wizengamot and the International Confederation of Wizards because he's losing his marbles—"

Then it was Neville to the rescue. "My gran says that's rubbish," he told them. "She says it's the _Daily Prophet _that's going downhill, not Dumbledore. She's canceled our subscription. We believe Harry." He slipped into bed, and looked again to Seamus. "My gran's always said You-Know-Who would come back one day. She says if Dumbledore says he's back, he's back."

No one else said anything, instead climbing into bed. Ron gave him a small smile and nod of goodnight that he returned automatically be sitting fully on his bed and pulling the curtains around him, enclosing him in momentary privacy. He held his wand in one hand, the paper with the other and whispered, "_Incendio._" It went up in flames for a moment before dwindling to nothingness, the ashes blowing away in the almost nonexistent breeze coming through the window.

While it didn't sound like anyone was asleep, everyone had hidden themselves inside their curtains, which basically meant he could still sneak out. He went through the hand seals quickly, using the jutsu he stole from one of the Iwa-nin in the war that allowed him full camouflage. And considering that these kids couldn't sense chakra, it was as good as invisibility.

Unfortunately, this also meant he didn't have the ability to change without alerting the others that something was up (they were wizards, they probably had an invisibility spell), so he was going to have to attempt to look serious despite the overly large, once-belonged-to-George-Weasley pajamas. It was absolutely mortifying.

As he silently slipped from his bed and left the room, Rin decided to make her reappearance.

_You're acting like what Ron did was terrifying. _

_ Yeah, well—_

_ You know what I think, Kakashi-kun?_

_ What?_

_ I think these kids are growing on you. _

_ No they aren't. _

_ Oh, Kakashi, you've always been gifted in denial. Lighten up a little. _

_ They're my mission, I'm nice to then because I have to be. Hokage-sama's orders._

_ Keep telling yourself that. Now go, talk to the client. _

_ That's what I'm doing. Bye. _

_ Don't sound so miserable! Look at where you are! I'd kill to be there right now!_

_ I'd gladly switch places with—_

_ NO!_

Then Rin disappeared and he was left shaking directly inside the common room, a step away from the portrait. After taking a deep breath he released the jutsu and exited, finding Minerva waiting for him, feeling that now automatic smile slipping on his face and wondering what the hell just happened.

.

Albus Dumbledore was an old man. He had done much, and seen much, and learned much. He spent the past ninety years trying to repent for despicable, youthful self, and since then made it his goal to help as many as he could, and stop the spread of men and women with attitudes like the self he left behind. Whether he succeeded or not was debatable in many ways, as he saw himself as a failure in Tom and Gellert and even Harry though many others insisted he was a great man. One thing he did like to believe was that no child was beyond help, even if they walked down the darkest path. And the boy in front of him was no exception.

Hatake Kakashi sat on the other side of the desk, drowning in his blue pajamas, bandages over his injured eye. The boy was nearly fourteen, looked twelve, but had a hundred years of sheer exhausted etched into him. Oh, he was a wonderful actor, as Albus knew after watching him laugh and talk with the other Gryffindors, answering all their questions and falling into a type of familiarity with the Weasley siblings, Harry, and Hermione. And perhaps if he didn't know the boy's history or hadn't seen him stand alone at the back of the Hall, distracted and falling back in at exactly the right moment in a way that made Albus think another problem should be added to the mental issue section of the file, he might have believed that act. Just like if he hadn't seen that interaction, he might be inclined to think the child simply one slipping into insanity, coldhearted and the perfect killer like he was supposed to be. But there was something there, a sort of hope hidden within the hopelessness that defined this young shinobi that made Albus believe a longing from childhood was still in there, buried deep, deep inside.

He read his file, of course. Mother dead at childbirth, Father dead by suicide at seven, first teammate dead at eleven, second teammate and his teacher dead less than a year ago. The file said that his left eye was severely damaged the same day his first teammate died, which Albus imagined didn't much help his mental health, as the depth perception adjustment must have been terrible after that experience. Now, thirteen and one of the most skilled shinobi the fine village of Konohagakure had to offer, with Fire Country's equivalent to Voldemort trying to hunt him down. On the surface, the documentation of impressive: youngest academy student, youngest genin, youngest chuunin, youngest jounin, youngest ANBU—more successful missions completed than most adults. Hiruzen called him a the greatest prodigy he had ever seen, but Albus saw something much, much different.

Hatake Kakashi, boy genius, was a failure.

Ever since he met his dear friend all those years ago, he was forced to acknowledge that though Albus disproved of the brutality and sheer cruelty of the shinobi way, it was how life was lived on the Hidden Continent. But regardless, everyone deserved a childhood, a period of time to make friends and learn to each other, to play games and laugh. Growing up without that created the person in front of him: an emotionally-stunted child whose coping method was repression and left him a little off in the head. Hiruzen told him that he had only weak recollections of the incident that forced him here, and Albus didn't want to witness the meltdown that inevitably followed the return of memory.

And he dearly hoped he could give this boy one year to live a childhood he never had.

"I hope you can excuse the lateness of the hour, Mr. Hatake," he said, looked at him over his fingertips. "I am your client, Albus Dumbledore. A pleasure to meet you at last."

"Nice to meet you, too. I'm a natural insomniac," the boy answered, "and just Kakashi is fine, sir."

He nodded, gathering his thoughts so they could discuss the mission at hand. "Minerva and the other Order members have informed you've gone remarkably far in your lessons. Up to seventh year, correct?" He nodded, and Albus decided it was not a good idea to mention that he also hear multiple complaints from Alastor about the boggart situation. "Absolutely commendable. Now, I assume you know our situation here."

"Yes, I understand it very well, sir," answered Kakashi. "Schoolchildren are not particularly versed in keeping their thoughts and opinions to themselves."

With a chuckle, he said, "True, true. Your mission, as your Hokage and the Order have told you, is to protect the school, and specifically Harry and those closest to him. Originally, I planned to have this be physical protection. But with Dolores here…"

"Understood, sir." There was a veiled look of satisfaction on the boy's face that both scared and comforted Albus; it tainted the predominately innocent expression usually worn by the child, but it also meant he was going to take this job very, very seriously. "I will not kill or harm her unless absolutely necessary, as it will make your life and the future of this school needlessly complicated—or more so than they already are—but I will protect Harry from any damage she will attempt to inflict on him. Also, I will strongly delay her takeover of Hogwarts as much as I can while still keeping my created persona, as you do not want me to break my cover unless unavoidable. But if I must, I will break my cover in order to complete my overall mission of this school's protection, and specifically Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys, his closest associates."

Merlin, Hiruzen wasn't lying when he said the boy could learn an entire language so quickly. Under a month and Mr. Ha—Kakashi already mastered English enough to deliver a mission understanding with the grace of native speaking professional.

"Exactly," said Albus, inclining his head in agreement. "I predict that she will, inevitably, succeed in Cornelius Fudge's goal to gain control over the school, but let it be known now that that will be only temporary. My concern is not for myself, but for the safety and continuous educating of my students. But if and when that happens, Harry will attempt something reckless, that I can guarantee. If there is no way around it, help and protect through your assistance, but please try first to stop it."

"Of course, sir," he said, and Albus had no doubt in his mind that this boy would make many excellent judgment calls, despite the potential deterioration of his mind. "Anything else?"

"Yes," he answered. "I want you to know that if the mark on your neck starts to bother you, you can come to me. Your Hokage informed me in his last letter that he would have your doctor Tsunade discover solutions to any possible problem she can foresee. Is it hurting you?"

One of his fingers twitched, but no emotion passed over his face as he said, "No, sir. It hasn't bothered me since I came to England. Jiraiya-san sealed it up."

"Good to hear." He smiled benignly, though he was unsure whether or not Kakashi was telling the truth. Skilled shinobi were much too good liars. "Now, as I would like you to rest for tomorrow, you are dismissed."

The boy stood and bowed, looking silly in his sleepwear but still managing to hold himself with dignity; it was difficult to remember that this child could kill him in over a thousand different ways. "Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight, Kakashi," Albus answered as he turned to walk away. Then, when his hand was on the doorknob, he added, "Oh, and I've given the house-elves in the kitchens recipes for foods you commonly eat in Konoha. They will not appear on the table in the Hall, but I'm sure the original owner of you pajamas would be happy to show you where you can get it."

"Thank you, sir," he said, voice perfectly serious.

And for the sake of Kakashi's pride, Albus would pretend he didn't see that broad smile on his face as he left.

.

Whelp, I don't know why I had it end in PJs, or why I insinuate suicidal tendencies. Shit happens when you're writing an essay on sexual abuse in Jane Smiley's _A Thousand Acres _and it's parallel in _King Lear_, I guess.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi! Sorry this took so long! School is death, even if I do get out early now that I'm a senior. Yup, only one more year!

This chapter is told entirely in Kakashi's point of you, and is over 10,000 words. Anyway, so, there are a long of canon situations that start out canon before trilling off to Kakashi-created adjustments. There was something else I was going to say before I forgot. Goddammit, I'm tired.

Also, think I should throw in a pairing? Or at least a crush? Nothing big, and not the whole point of the story, but I've never written anything remotely romantic before, since Conversations of Prideful Fool's is more just fucked up than anything else.

Oh! Remembered what I was going to say (which means I should technically just go back and delete that sentence, but I'm lazy at the moment). **Important:** Would you guys totally kill me if I doubled up on stories? This'll still be priority and whether or not I start a new one purely rests on your guys (so lurkers, you review on this too!). I want to write a Naruto OC story somehow involving Kakashi, because he's my current character obsession. I have a few different ideas, one involving a second gen Naruto, another involving an AU with all Naruto characters and one OC, and one OC thrown into the canon Naruto verse just because I can. None of them necessarily need to be romance, and suggestion can be throw into that, too, to help further plot and whatnot. What do you guys think? And if so, should I do second gen, AU, or canon? I have a guy OC and girl OC, choice is all up to you.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Six

It was official: Kakashi hated dormitories.

It wasn't just the close proximity that did, either, though that played a big factor. The night before, he hadn't been lying when he told Dumbledore that he was a natural insomniac, but that didn't mean he was fine with hearing loud noises all night. One of his roommates snored all night, and front the inflection and distance, he was guessing it was Neville. Another one, probably Seamus, tossed and turned all night. Also, he _did _sleep at night, though it was more of a catnap where he was still fully aware of his surroundings, just letting his body get some rest. But the night before he got no sleep at all, resulting in a headache the next morning. And that wasn't even the worse part.

Changing was. Back in Konoha he lived on his own, and before that he lived with Minato-sensei since it was basically agreed upon that growing up alone in his family's house wasn't such a smart idea, and there he had his own room. Though not it wasn't as bad as it was on some shinobi, his body was still littered with scars that he figured was a bad idea to let the other boys see. And he also didn't want them to spot Orochimaru's mark, as it was going to lead to questions he didn't feel like making up a lie for yet. But the absolute worst was having to remove the bandages from his face and replacing it with his forehead protector. He had a rather rational fear of someone seeing, and news of the scar could spread like wildfire in a place like this. Hell, if it could travel to the bingo books before the Third Great Shinobi War was even over, then it could definitely get around a school in less than a day.

"You coming, Kakashi?" asked Ron after Dean and Seamus made their exit.

With a yawn, the silver-haired boy answered, "Yeah," and came around the side of the bed, finishing the knot on the forehead protector, hair still damp from his shower. "Let's go."

"You look exhausted, mate," said Ron; Harry stayed silent, face stormy. Not a good morning at all.

Shrugging, he said, "Neville snores."

"You get used to it." The headache Kakashi had from a sleepless night was telling him he wasn't getting used to it any time soon. "He's been doing it since he was eleven, so Harry and I have had a lot of practice blocking out."

"What's the matter?" asked Hermione as she caught up to them halfway across the common room. "You look absolute—oh, for heaven's sake."

Kakashi followed her gaze and discovered what the Weasley twins were hanging up last night. Honestly, he didn't seen the harm in it. For one, it directly said it was at the applicant's own risk, and it wasn't voluntary either, rather a paid position. Therefore, how exactly did it fall under jurisdiction of prefect?

"They are at the limit," Hermione was saying, taking it down. "We'll have to talk to them, Ron."

"Why?" asked Ron, looking as confused as Kakashi felt.

"Because we're prefects!" The four of them climbed over the portrait whole and out into the hallway. "It's up to us to stop this kind of thing!" Her answer was silence. Then she looked to her other friend and added, "Anyway, what's up, Harry? You look really angry about something."

When Harry didn't reply, Ron told her, "Seamus reckons Harry is lying about You-Know-Who."

"Yes, Lavender thinks so too," she said with a sigh.

"Been having a nice little chat with her about whether or not I'm a lying, attention-seeking prat, have you?" Anger, apparently, was not something Harry got over quickly

"No," answered Hermione, "I told her to keep big fat mouth shut about you actually. And it would quite nice if you stopped jumping down Ron's and my throats, Harry, because if you haven't noticed, we're on your side."

After a short said, Harry mumbled, "Sorry."

"That's quite all right. Don't you remember what Dumbledore said at the end-of-term feast last year?" When they didn't reply, she said, "About You-Know-Who. He said, '_His gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bound of friendship and trust_—"

Ron cut her off with, "How do you remember stuff like that?"

"I listen."

"So do I, but I still can't tell you exactly what—"

"The point," Hermione said impatiently, "is that this sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who's only been back two months and we've started fighting among ourselves. And the Sorting Hat's warning was the same—stand together and be united—"

"And Harry said it last night, if that means we're supposed to get matey with the Slytherins, fat chance."

"You really hate each other, don't know?" said Kakashi, shaking his head. "You're acting like you're at war or something. It's just school."

Ron threw him a dirty look which he pointedly ignored. Hermione said, "Well, I agree. I think it's a pity that we're not trying for a bit more inter-House unity."

As they reached the end of the staircase, a line of Ravenclaws passing by caught sight of Harry and quickly formed a tighter ground, like they were frightened he was going to out and attack them or something. Really, the susceptibility of these kids was ridiculous. Harry, who he had to admit was rightfully annoyed, sarcastically said, "Yeah, we really ought to be trying to make friends with people like that."

Next to him, Hermione sighed, "I know, I know," she said. "And going back to the subject of dormitory discussions, Kakashi, we need to talk."

He looked at her blankly. "Why?"

"Oh, come here." She motioned for the three boys to follow her in the direction of an unused classroom. Both Ron and Harry didn't look too happy about missing some of their breakfast, but Kakashi couldn't care less, more wary about how Hermione worded her earlier statement. Once she hurried them inside, she shut the door, turned to him, and said, "What are you going to do about your eye?"

His face and voice immediately wiped of even the smallest traces of emotion. "What're you talking about?" he asked.

She looked around nervously. "Well, you see, after I told them to shut up about Harry, they started talking about you—not to me, but the _way _they were saying everything heavily implied that they wanted me to tell them something, as I obviously knew you beforehand. And, er, well, they were saying how mysterious you were and everything with your eye covered and decided to make it their mission to find out what you were hiding. Mind, this is relatively normal for them, they always have some plot or another when it comes to a boy—slightly unnerving, actually—but what I mean to say is are you going to tell people who ask? Leaving it alone only works for so long here…"

He. Hated. Girls.

"So no, mind your business?" he said, crossing his arms over his chest. Hermione shook her head. "Well, I don't know. It _isn't_ their business."

"Er, can you at least tell us?" asked Harry, and it took a lot of willpower to lash out because it really was his own business. Instead, he sighed, and decided it was in his best interest to lie.

"Look," he said, "I'll tell you eventually, just…not right now, okay?" Like he was ever going to let them know, but hell, he could give them hope. "I don't know, what's something people will believe?"

Hermione, it seemed, had been giving this some thought, because she answered, "Say you're blind in one eye because spell you practiced in class back in Japan."

"Um, but couldn't that be reversed?" he said, figuring that in actuality, the truth of being blind in one eye was a pretty good idea. "And I don't know any spells that cause it but Conjunctivitis, and a school nurse could heal with a counterjinx."

"Say a Quidditch accident," said Ron. "Some of the best players in the world have had to quit national teams because of eye injuries."

He nodded. "Okay, then I'm blind because of a Quidditch accident. Bludger to the face?" After talking about it twice yesterday, he learned all the terminology.

"Sure. Okay then."

"Now," said Hermione, sounding satisfied, "let's go eat something."

The four exited the classroom, heading to the Great Hall, Harry, Ron, and Hermione already chattering on about classes.

_Are you going out tonight?_

_ Yes. _

_ Are you going to carve a tree for me and Obito?_

_ Yes. And Minato-sensei. But…not until tonight. _

_ Well, duh. What're you going to do if Umbridge catches you outside?_

_ Make her forget out, I guess. The wonders of genjutsu. _

_ What're you going to do if the kids find out about your eye? _

_ What is this, question day?_

_ I'm just wondering. _

_ Sorry, tired. The beds might be comfortable, but the snoring three beds down isn't._

_ I think you're supposed to be eating, not staring down at your empty plate. _

_ I'll eat later, after I ask Fred and George about the kitchens. _

_ Fine, fine. Just don't want you fainting of hunger or anything. _

_ Rin, I've gone a month without eating. You really think a morning will do me in?_

_ Hey, I'm a medic, I'm allowed to worry. Looks like schedules are coming your way._

_ Oh, great. I'll talk to you later._

Minerva walked by, placing schedules in front of her students one by one. When he looked down at his, he almost groaned in frustration. He went all three weeks of summer getting descriptions and anecdotes about the teachers, and he saw that Mondays were officially the worst day of the week. Not a single class was one he was remotely interested in.

"Look at today!" said Ron, also staring down at his schedule, face awash with horror. "History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and double Defense Against the Dark Arts…Bins, Snape, Trelawney, and that Umbridge woman all in one day! I wish Fred and George'd hurry up and get those Skiving Snackboxes sorted…"

From behind them, Fred said, "Do mine ears deceive me?" He and his twin squeezed into the bench between Kakashi and Ron, too close for comfort. "Hogwarts prefects surely don't wish to skive off lessons?"

"Look at what we've got today," said Ron, handing over the schedule. "That's the worst Monday ever."

"Fair point, little bro," said Fred, reading it over. Then he sighed dramatically. "Terrible way for Kakashi here to spend his first day in Hogwarts. You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you'd like."

"Why's it cheap?" asked Ron as Kakashi acknowledged that Fred was absolutely right.

Happily enough, George answered, "Because you'll keep bleeding til you shrivel, we haven't got an antidote yet."

_Bet I could come up with one. _

_ Yeah, probably. _

"Cheers," said Ron with a frown, "but I think I'll take the lessons."

Suddenly Hermione jumped in with, "And speaking of your Skiving Snackboxes, you can't advertise for testers on the Gryffindor notice board."

"Says who?" said George, blinking rapidly in shock.

"Says me. And Ron."

Quickly, Ron said, "Leave me out of it," which only got him a glare in answer.

"You'll be singing a different tune soon enough, Hermione," said Fred as he smeared butter on his, as Kakashi learned it was called, crumpet. "You're starting your fifth year, you'll be begging us for a Snackbox before long."

"And why would starting fifth year mean I want a Skiving Snackbox?"

"Fifth year's O.W.L. year," answered George.

"So?"

"So you've got your exams coming up, haven't you?" said his twin. "They'll be keeping your noses so hard to the grindstone they'll be rubbed raw."

Kakashi, for all the gore and death and deformations he'd seen, did not like the mental image.

George added, "Half our year had minor breakdowns coming up to O.W.L.s. Tears and tantrums…Patricia Stimpson kept coming over faint…"

"Kenneth Towler came out in boils, d'you remember?" said Fred.

"That's 'cause you put Bulbadox Power in his pajamas."

Fred smiled. "Oh yeah. I'd forgotten…Hard to keep track sometimes, isn't it?"

"Anyway, it's a nightmare of a year, the fifth." Oh, absolutely joyful. Naturally the year he had to be in. Even if he wasn't in school for real, he still needed to do the work as only two teachers knew that he wasn't actually an exchange student. What type of work did they do here anyway? Writing and practical tests, obviously, like the academy, but their homework was to go out and practice, not sit down and do…schoolwork-things. "If you care about exam results anyway. Fred and I managed to keep our spirits up somehow."

"Yeah," said Ron, "you got, what was it, three O.W.L.s each?"

"Yep," answered Fred like it was no big deal. "But we feel our futures lie outside the world of academic achievement."

"We seriously debated whether we were going to bother coming back for our seventh year," added George, "now that we've got—" He broke off, look at Harry, then quickly said, "Now that we've got our O.W.L.s. I mean, do we really have to take our N.E.W.T.s? But we didn't think Mum could take us leaving school early, not on top of Percy turning out to be the world's biggest prat."

"We're not going to waste out last year here, though," said Fred, looking around the Great Hall. "We're going to use it to do a bit of market research, find out exactly what the average Hogwarts student requires from his joke shop, carefully evaluate the results of our research, and then produce the products to fit the demand."

Though Hermione appeared to doubt their intelligence, Kakashi couldn't help but these two were geniuses. A different type of genius than him, of course, but to be able to come up with an extensive market plan at seventeen in a world that treated you like a child until about fifteen? Sure, they were doing it for a joke shop of all things, but their plan was absolutely brilliant, understand the necessity of cause and effect. Even the way Fred said sounded official, like something written on a business plan, meaning that they probably already had one drafted.

As they got up, saying something about selling Extendable Ears before Herbology, Kakashi remembered Dumbledore. He stood up quickly and tried to move at normal-person pace to catch up with them. "Wait," he said and when they slowed down, each faces an exact mirrored expression mild surprise, he continued, "Where are the kitchens?"

Fred tsked. "First day here and already asking to break the rules—"

"We should reporting you to Hermione, yes we should—"

"Why would you like to know?"

Though very intelligent business men, they had a really annoying way talking. He answered, very honestly, "I don't like British food. I guess Dumbledore already thought I wouldn't, so he gave some, uh, Japanese recipes to the house-elves incase I ever got hungry."

The two twins exchanged a look before George said, "Unfortunately, we have prior arrangements tonight, but I am _sure _Harry would be willing to tell you."

Then Fred added, "Will they make these recipes for any who ask—"

"Or only for you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know," he answered. "I don't care if you want some. Ask for ramen, bet they have that."

"Ramen?"

"Noodle soup," he answered, thinking that was the best way to describe it. "I don't like it, but the majority my school does."

Again, the twins looked to each other and nodded. "Methinks we were wrong, dear brother."

"Yes, methinks as well."

"Wait—what?"

Fred ruffled his hair, causing him to scowl. There were very, very few people in his life that could do that and not be killed for it, and the courtesy was not meant to extend to the Weasley boys. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it here in the Great Hall where students were milling about everywhere. Not waiting for the answer the twins looked about to give, he turned and headed back to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, only to have them meet him halfway. Thankfully, Fred and George were gone.

"What was that about?" asked Harry as he joined them in the walk to History of Magic, which, according to them, meant naptime.

"I asked if they knew where the kitchens were," he answered, "and they said to ask you. Mind showing me later?"

"Sure," he said. "What for?"

Inwardly sighing of exasperation, he repeated, "I don't like British food—don't give that look, Ron, it's completely different than what I'm used to—so Dumbledore apparently gave the house-elves Japanese recipes for if I ever wanted to go down and ask for something that I actually tastes good."

"Ooo, can we have some?" said Hermione, smiling brightly.

God, he was too tired to deal with everyone right now. "I don't see why not," he answered. "The twins asked the same thing."

"Oh. Well, thanks, Kakashi."

As it turned out, History of Magic was every bit as boring as he was told. Not that he was complaining. He read the book already and felt no need to take notes. Instead he crossed his arms on the table and ducked his head, letting himself slip into that natural half-sleep that he _should've _gone into the night before. Within five minutes of the ghost teacher's lecture, the majority of the class was fully asleep, their breathing even. Next to him, Hermione was awake, every once in a while, her quill sweeping over the parchment. It was scratchy-sounding, not smooth like a brush or pen or pencil.

_I can't believe you told Fred and George to try ramen!_

_ Obito, I'm trying to sleep. _

_ Eh, for you this practically is sleeping. Are you paying attention?_

_ …No._

_ And your eyes are shut and you're breathing like a person who's sleeping. So, you're sleeping. _

_ Brilliant deduction. _

_ I try. I think it's creepy that a ghost is teaching. _

_ Same. At least I know he's harmless. Peeves is the only ghost who can do anything._

_ But next you have that Snape person. _

_ Ugh, don't remind me. It doesn't help that potions is the one thing I never practiced. _

_ You actually need to practice something?_

_ Oh, you know what I mean!_

_ If I were you, I'd be worrying more about Umbridge. _

_ Rin? What're you doing here?_

_ Great, now the two of you are conversing each other. _

_ It's the whole team! Of course we talk!_

_ Not the whole team…_

_ Damn. Two years later and you still don't know how to have fun?_

_ Shut up. I want to sleep. Leave me alone. _

_ Rin, I think we pissed him off—_

_ GET OUT. _

Later, when he looked back with the wisdom of hindsight, he would realize how ridiculous it was that now the voices in his head were actually talking to each other and not just him anymore. Insanity didn't suit him well at all.

When History of Magic finally finished, Kakashi helped Hermione shake Harry and Ron, waking them up out of the groggy haze of sleep. As they walked out of the classroom, Hermione said, "How would it be if I refused to lend you my notes this year?"

Ron answered, "We'd fail our O.W.L.s. If you want that on your conscience, Hermione…"

"Well, you'd deserve it. You don't even try to listen to him, do you?"

Ron and Hermione, Kakashi decided, really needed to stop arguing all the time.

"We do try," said Ron. "We just haven't got your brains or your memory or your concentration—you're just cleverer than we are—is it nice to rub it in?"

"Oh, don't give me that rubbish."

Holding back a yawn, Kakashi rubbed his eye, exhausted but restless and the same time. Though tired, he really wanted to get outside and train, which was his plan for that night—after getting food of course. No more tasteless English food…The first thing he was asking for was miso soup with eggplants.

After an excruciatingly painful-to-watch moment between Harry and Cho, only made that way from Ron (they took Quidditch _way _to seriously here), they finally made it to Potions. He smelt the classroom before he saw it, which was never a good sign. By the time they were actually _in _the classroom (Ron and Hermione still bickering, of course), Kakashi was trying very, very hard not to react the same why he did to Neville's Stinksap. Snape thought him weak enough already, and hell if people weren't curious about him; no need to make either opinion worse by having a cough attack because of smell.

"Settle down," said Snape as Kakashi took a seat at the back table at the end, Ron on his right. There was no real reason to tell them to settle down, considering that the entire room went silent with his entrance. He continued, "Before we begin today's lesson, I think it appropriate to remind you that next June you will be sitting an important test, during which you will prove how much you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions. Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are, I expect you to scrape an 'acceptable' in your O.W.L., or suffer my…displeasure." His eye focused for a moment of Neville; the boy didn't look happy. "After this year, of course, many of you will cease studying with me. I take only the very best into my N.E.W.T. Potions class, which means that some of will certainly be saying goodbye."

Snape, as many Gryffindors told him, did not keep it quiet who he liked and disliked. And it was very, very obvious that he didn't like Harry. He sneered, focusing on him noticeably. But at least, unlike Neville, Harry actually managed not to look completely intimidated; the glare he sent back wasn't too bad either. For a wizard.

The professor continued, "But we have another year to go before that happy moment of farewell, so whether you are intending to attempt N.E.W.T. or not, I advise all of you to concentrate your efforts upon maintaining the high-pass level I have come to expect from my O.W.L. students."

Of all the years Kakashi had to pose as a student in, why did it have to be fifth? He didn't care about these tests. There wasn't a logical reason for his cover to do these tests. But he still had to do all the homework.

"Today we will be mixing a potion that often comes up at Ordinary Wizarding Level: the Draught of Peace, a potion to calm anxiety and soothe agitation. Be warned: If you are too heavy-handed with the ingredients you will put the drinker into a heavy and sometimes irreversible sleep, so you will need to pay close attention to what you are doing." He flicked his wand at the board, and words appeared as he said, "The ingredients and method are on the blackboard, you will find everything you need in the store cupboard. You have an hour and a half…Start."

Kakashi's first thought: _Well, this is easy—it's just following directions. _

Kakashi's second thought: _I can't read what that says at all. _

Of course, he could read English. He hadn't been lying when he said that; he learned from it, so his reading comprehension was even better than his speaking ability. But everything he'd learned out of the textbooks, the front uniform. And Hermione's handwriting, which he had also been exposed to, was so neat it easily could've come out of a book, too. But Snape's? While it was neat or a wreck was debatable, but it certainly wasn't fully legible to a person who had seen handwriting only a few times.

Well, fuck.

But, there was a good solution to this. He pulled out the textbook he brought from class, knowing that if it was written on the board, then it was probably in here. The thing was huge, though, and not in alphabetical order, nor did it have an index, and it turned out that the Draught of Peace took up one side of a page, about three quarters of the way into the book. This, naturally, took _ten minutes_, when he was pretty sure they were given an hour and a half for a reason. The instructions, unfortunately, didn't have a designated time. And damn those stupid cutting knives they were given because a kunai could make a cleaner cut by far and that was what the instructions said to do! He frowned and pulled at the…bean things they needed, slicing them up and throwing them into the water. The fumes coming from all the cauldrons were starting to go to his head.

"Problem, Hatake?" said Snape from behind him as he awkwardly squeezed juice from the root thing. This would be followed by the spine things, and armadillo thing and…well, more and more things. Oh, and turns. A lot of turns. "I believe I put the instructions on the board for the class to see, or do you consider yourself too special to follow the directions like everyone else?"

While dealing with Snape wasn't something he particularly wanted to do at the moment, he reminded himself that at least he wasn't dealing with Mad-Eye and said, "Sorry, sir, but I can't read your handwriting."

Even if it was true, he made it sound like such a smart-ass comment the a few Gryffindors had to quickly stifle laughter. Snape's mouth curled into a sneer, and Kakashi, of course, didn't care in the slightest. "I was under the impression that you were fluent in English," he said, tight-lipped.

Again, it was probably just the numerous, terrible smells around him, but he was finding all of this very amusing. "I am," he said, "but that doesn't mean I can read your handwriting. Like on line three, it says 'add essence of basil root,' but I can't tell on the bored if your R is a C, and your Ss look a bit like Ds—which, in the word 'add' by the way, looks more like A's. Technically, I can read better than I can speak, but handwriting screws with letters. So, sorry, but I have to use the book."

The look of sheer fury on Snape's face was incredibly satisfying, especially since he could tell the man was working in his head how to turn that statement around make it his fault. Evidently he couldn't find anything wrong with Kakashi's (very true) logic because he snapped, "Get back to working; you have one hour."

He followed instructions, leaning down to read the small print every once in a while to double check the directions, the steam billowing out of the cauldrons making it difficult for him to see. Ron's potion was steadily taking on the smell of rotted eggs, and Goyle's smelled like sulfur and burned skin—a smell that Kakashi was unfortunately very familiar with. Other potions were beginning to take on other disgusting smells as well, in the early stages of forming, but he knew that by the end of this, he wouldn't be able to think straight for at least an hour.

If there wasn't a window open in his next class, he was screwed.

With ten minutes to go, Snape announced, "A light silver vapor should now be rising from your potion."

Kakashi, who was in the middle of stirring those last few counterclockwise turns, didn't need to look up to know everyone's potion was completely screwed over. Ron's officially smelled like rotten eggs, which made him nauseous as hell; it didn't help that they were _right next to each other. _Every few minutes or so, he couldn't help it and started coughing, causing a few of the turns to become a little jerking. Despite this, the only person who did better than him was Hermione, whose looked absolutely perfect. His was about a shade darker than hers, but not much. Ron kept throwing him glares.

_Seems like even you aren't good at everything_, said Obito, cackling with laughter.

_Blame the kid next to me. I did everything right, 'cept those turns. _

_ Jeez, take some responsibility. You totally fucked up._

_ No I didn't! I followed all the directions and did everything right! _

"Potter," said Snape, standing directly behind Harry, who stood on Ron's right, "what is this supposed to be?"

_At least it isn't you he's doing scary eyes to. _

_ Scary eyes? Really, Obito?_

_ Hey, I couldn't think of anything else. 'Sides, they think it's scary. _

"The Draught of Peace," Harry was saying.

"Tell me, Potter, are you also incapable of reading?"

_Ooo, that burns. _

_ Not really. Though, I'm getting a feeling this is my fault._

_ Why wouldn't it be? You're the one who pissed him off. _

_ Not helping. _

_ Hey, you said it first!_

_ Didn't mean you had to agree with me…_

"Yes, I can."

"Read the third line of the instructions for me, Potter."

_You know, Snape's a bit of a jackass. _

_ Y'think? _

"'Add powdered moonstone, stir three times counterclockwise, allow to simmer for seven minutes, then add two drops of syrup of hellebore.'"

_Aw, poor kid looks miserable. _

_ Great, now my conscious is deciding to be sympathetic._

_ …You do know that's the purpose of a conscious, right?_

Kakashi had no answer.

"Did you do everything on the third line, Potter?"

"No."

"I beg your pardon?"

_So this what Harry meant about Snape antagonizing him specifically. _

_ Ugh, even in your own head you use big words. _

"No," said Harry, just loud enough that the room could hear, Snape's intention all along. "I forgot the hellebore."

_None of those count as 'big words' I think. _

_ Shouldn't you be paying more attention to your charge being tortured?_

_ Eh, Snape's in the Order. I don't think I'm allowed to do anything. _

_ Except to be a smartass. _

_ Yeah, but that's different. _

_ Really_?

"I know you did," said Snape with his I'm-a-self-righteous-bastard voice, "which means that this mess is utterly worthless. _Evanesco._"

_Okay, maybe not. Shame I still can't do anything. _

_ That was the most apathetic voice I've heard in a long time. _

_ Then apparently all the smells in the room cause a personality change. _

Snape was saying, "Those of you who _have _managed to read the instructions—" He sent Kakashi a dirty look. "—fill one flagon with a sample of your potion, label it clearly—" And another glare. "—with your name, and bring it up to my desk for testing. Homework: twelve inches of parchment on the properties of moonstone and its uses in potion-making, to be handed in on Thursday."

_More like a regression. _

_ Hey, I'm trying. _

_ I know. But still._

_ Yeah, yeah, whatever._

He took his flagon and filled his pretty much well done potion, and tried to ignore the angry look on Harry's face when he joined the trio of friends to walk down to the Great Hall for lunch. If this was a regression back to his old apathy (though, in truth half the time it was faked), then why did he feel so _bad_ about it? Well, besides the fact that because he pissed Snape off, the man was being worse than usual, and already despised Harry, so he took it all out on—

_Whoa, slow down. This time it isn't even me who's making you think that stuff. _

_ Don't rub it in. _

_ Rub what in? That you actually like someone?_

_ I liked you. And Rin. And Minato-sensei. _

_ Yeah, but that was kinda a given. _

_ Not really. _

_ If you say so. Now go skedaddle and make you newfound friend feel better. _

_ He's not my friend!_

"That was really unfair," said Hermione as they all sat down. Kakashi grabbed some potatoes and a crumpet with apricot jam, one of the few things he that he actually liked. "Your potion wasn't nearly as bad as Goyle's, when he put it in his flagon the whole thing shattered and set his robes on fire."

"Smelled like burning hair the entire time he was making it," said Kakashi, not bothering to hide his wince of remembrance. All three turned to stare at him. He sipped his pumpkin juice and shrugged. "What? It's true."

"Must not have added the basil root," said Hermione with a nod, as if they all knew what she was talking about, which of course none of them did. Kakashi, who'd read through the entire book two times over, knew that it said absolutely nothing what happened to that particular potion (which only had page on it) if you didn't add in a specific ingredient. Snape knew, of course, but that was because he actually taught the subject.

"Okay," he said, shaking his head. "So, was that exceptionally bad today?"

With a dejected sigh and a nod, he answered, "He's horrid prat in general, but this was just…"

Then he blurted out, "I'm sorry," and blinked in surprised.

_Wow, so I wasn't wrong. _

_ They aren't my friends!_

_ If you say so. _

_ Well, I do. _

"What for?" asked Harry.

"The handwriting thing," he said, already hating himself for apologizing. For all he knew, Snape was planning on being that unfair all night and it had nothing to do with him. _But this fits my fake personality_, he reminded self quickly followed by Rin saying, _I'm pretty sure you'd get a perfect score if there was a class on self-denial. _"I just, well, you know, he didn't look to happy. And, since I'm who I am, he technically can't get back at me, so it seems like he took it out on you instead."

Many looks were exchanged back and forth between the three and he wondered for a moment if it was obvious how transparent he'd been, that he didn't really feel sorry—_Really, Kakashi-kun, this is getting dangerous_—all. Those momentary fears were dispersed when Hermione shrugged her shoulders and casually said, "We have a half hour of lunch left, you know. We could go down to the kitchens."

"Wait, what?"

Ron laughed and clapped him on the shoulder before standing, his two friends following. "It means don't worry about it, mate."

"Besides," said Harry, smile a bit strained but not overly so, "eating in the middle of the day makes more sense than in the middle of the night. Just…get us something good to eat, right?"

"Yeah," he said, still trying to figure out what just happened.

This was the type of moment that Harry usually blew up because it was also that time where Hermione and Ron got into another argument. And then they got pissed off at him who got pissed off at them and sometimes they even got pissed off at each other, too. When those little moments popped up, Kakashi was very strongly reminded of the one time he encountered Anko and her friend on a day that they were both PMSing. Had his little interruption stopped one? But, right now he didn't want to think about that, because he had more important things to occupy his mind.

Important like eggplants in miso soup.

.

Divinations passed with the same amount of eventfulness as History of Magic—none at all—and the same effect on his brain that Potions had. She had perfume in the air or something, and it itched his nose and throat and lungs the entire time. Sure, when Trelawney saw that the new kid was in her class, she spewed some nonsense about how something terrible in his life was going to come back to haunt him a few days before winter break, but that was it. Especially since when he asked what this "something terrible" specifically was, she abruptly changed the subject and told them to read their textbooks on dreams and prophecies and whatnot.

Needless to say, Kakashi didn't pay much attention.

After an hour, the class ended and they headed dutifully off to Umbridge's nightmare of a class. With actually good food in his stomach, he found himself not dreading it as much as he had earlier, when he was hungry and tired and over all pissed off at himself and the situation around him. Of course he wasn't looking forward to it (because that was just impossible), but he was feeling truly, one hundred percent indifferent for the first time three weeks. Whatever it was that screwed with his head earlier was gone, leaving him back to his normal self, the emotions and friendship nonsense nothing but an act.

"D'you realize how much we've got already?" Ron said when they neared the classroom. "Binns set us a foot-and-a-half-long essay—"

"How does a ghost grade papers?" asked Kakashi suddenly. "I mean, they aren't corporeal, so they can't pick anything up, right?"

"Blimey, I never thought of it that way," said Ron. "Mind, I grew up my entire life as a wizard, so stuff like the felephone—"

"Telephone," Harry corrected.

"Yeah, that. Anyway, I find stuff like the _telephone _weird, but that? I don't know, I never bothered to think about it." He shrugged.

Harry said, "I've wondered before. But, you know, I never believed in ghosts before I came here, and I've seen stranger."

"So, what you're trying to say is that you have no idea?"

"Yes," said the two of them at the same time.

They reached the classroom and entered, and immediate this-is-the-library-so-shut-the-fuck-up feeling came falling in. No one said a word, staring up at the pink monstrosity who sat at her desk, scribbling on parchment with her pink feathered quill. For the rest of the class, Umbridge was unknown—strange, on first sight, but exact personality and teaching methods to be determined. But Kakashi told Harry, Ron, and Hermione about what he heard and inferred and from the apprehensive look the two boys sent his way, he knew they hadn't forgotten. They took a seat in the back, next to Hermione who attempted a weak smile and failed miserably.

Once the entire the entire class was seated, Umbridge looked up, put her poisoned honey smile on her face, and said, "Well, good afternoon class?"

It was that same patronizing voice she used during the feast. A few people gave her mumbled replies, but most of the class looked at her blankly, he and the three friends (because he refused to refer to them as _his _friends) included.

"Tut, tut," she said, "_That _won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"

"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," the class said, every voice lacking enthusiasm.

"There, now," she said, and he felt his hand twitch awfully close to his hidden weapon holster. "That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."

And they get angry when you don't scream and laugh when you do.

After the class followed instructions, she pulled out a wand that seemed shorter than a lot of the other ones he saw (_So that's why it seems like she's compensating for something_, said Obito and he struggled not to laugh) and tapped the blackboard once, like Snape did. Oh, joy. If it wouldn't be so attention causing, he would totally hit his head against the desk, because he couldn't read her handwriting either. The first part said _Defense Against the Dark Arts_, but that was partially guesswork, since her Fs didn't look like Fs, and her Ss didn't look like Ss and her Rs didn't look like Rs. Hermione, seeming to recognize his dilemma, sent him a sad smile of sympathy. 

Umbridge turned, and in her fake voice said, "Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it? The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your O.W.L. year.

"You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Cope down the following, please."

Again, she tapped the backboard, and a jumbled of letters that were supposed to form words popped up. Kakashi was a genius; really, he should not be conquered by _handwriting. _How pathetic. He pretended to scribble it down, when in actually he doodling. Not very good doodling, since for all his talents, he did have his faults too. One was his complete inability to draw. Another was his inability to cook, having to live off instant things (not ramen) unless someone else cooked for him or he went out to eat (both of which were so rare it should've bothered him but didn't).

Umbridge asked, "Has everybody got a copy of _Defensive Magical Theory _by Wilbert Slinkhard?" A few people mumbled an affirmative; Kakashi didn't say anything at all. "I think we'll try that again. When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge' or 'No, Professor Umbridge.' So, has everyone got a copy of _Defensive Magical Theory _by Wilbert Slinkhard?"

"Yes, Professor Umbridge," the room said, somehow managing to sound even less enthusiastic then before.

"Good. I should like you to turn to page five and reach chapter one, 'Basics for Beginners.' There will be no need to talk."

Umbridge walked back to her desk and plopped down, leaving the students off to read, something almost no one was doing, even if they pretended. Kakashi went to go open the book and stopped, knowing that rereading that for the third time was just going to put him to sleep again. But what to do? He spun his quill around in his hand, looked at the parchment in front of him, and decided that he could doodle. Sure, for most people it made noise, but he already figured out that if the tip was put a little to right, pressed down lightly, and doused with ink, it didn't make a sound. Besides, she didn't appear to be looking up any time soon.

_Of all the things to draw, why a tree? _asked Obito.

_It's easy to sketch and make look remotely okay. And it's time consuming. _

_ Kakashi-kun_, said Rin, _if she looks over and your book isn't open…_

_ Don't care. _

_ W-what? Seriously? Don't talk to Rin-chan like that!_

_ Um, Obito-kun, I can take care of myself. _

_ But—whoa, you haven't yelled at us yet._

_ Why would I want to yell at you?_

_ Ignore him. _

_ H-hey! First him and now you?_

_ Ooo, Hermione's raising her hand, Kakashi-kun. _

_ What so interesting about raising—oh. _

_ Bit slow there, boy genius. _

_ Fuck you, Obito._

_ So cold and cruel, you are!_

_ Stop speaking in inverse. _

_ You, Kakashi, are the only boy I know who gets that tied up about grammar. _

_ Yeah, but he's always been a little weird like that. _

"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" said Umbridge, unfortunately pulling him from further, distracting conversation that was providing a great source of entertainment to slave off the boringness of it all.

"Not about the chapter, no," answered Hermione, and Kakashi wondered if he should stop this.

"Well, we're reading just now," said Professor Umbridge, hints of anger starting to seep into her voice (because anger he knew immediately, even the most subtle signs). "If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."

"I have a query about your course aim."

"And your name is—?"

"Hermione Granger."

"Well, Miss Granger," said Umbridge, "I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully."

"Well, I don't," said Hermione bluntly, seemingly completely out of character for her usual goody-two-shoes top student attitude. "There is nothing up there about using defensive spells."

Silence fell.

"Using defensive spells?" said Professor Umbridge, unable to pull off her false shock and offense all that well. "Why, I can't image any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"

"We're not going to use magic!" said Ron loudly.

"Students raise their hands when they wish they speak in my class, Mr.—?"

"Weasley," he said and put his hand in the air, quickly followed by Harry and Hermione's flying up as well. Unfortunately, Kakashi was sitting on the end, only Harry next to him. He poked the boy. Hard.

But the quiet yelp of pain was drowned out when Umbridge asked, "Yes, Miss Granger? You wanted to ask something else?"

"Yes," said Hermione. "Surely the whole point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to practice defensive spells?"

For god's sake, wasn't she the one who connected the dots without him having to directly say it, seeing about Ministry interference? From that knowledge, this shouldn't be too hard to figure out.

"Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?" There was no way in hell an entire class could take down a creepy politician in an all-out argument. Not that he was such a diplomat himself (though he spent so much time around Minato as Hokage that he learned more than enough tips), but they should be old enough to figure it out on their own.

"No, but—"

"Well then, I'm afraid you are not qualified to decide what the 'whole point' of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised our new program of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way—"

"What use is that?" said Harry loudly. "If we're going to be attacked it won't in a—"

So Kakashi jabbed him again, wishing he could hit a pressure point but knowing having Harry pass out wasn't going to make anything better. The boy winced.

"Hand, Potter!" About half the class also had their hands raised, so she turned her attention to them. "And your name is?"

"Dean Thomas."

"Well, Mr. Thomas?" she said, still sounding overly patient.

"Well, it's like Harry said, isn't it? If we're going to attacked it won't be a risk-free—"

"I repeat," said Professor Umbridge, smiling sweetly, "do you expect to be attacked during my classes?"

_Why aren't you doing anything, Kakashi? _yelled Obito in his mind and Dean said, "No, but—"

_I can't—my cover—_

_ This woman is going to snatch up your friend—_

_ He's not my friend!_

"I do not wish to criticize the way things have been run in this school," she said as Obito yelled, _So much for making her life miserable!_, "but you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed—not to mention—" She laughed. _Shut up! I can't go getting myself expelled!_ "—extremely dangerous half-breeds."

_Just listen to her. Are you really saying you can just put up with this?_

_ I've put up with worse! If I fall for this, then this mission is screwing with my head too much and I'll tell Dumbledore I'm not longer suitable due to mental instability._

_ You know, I'm pretty sure that counts as suitable here._

"If you mean Professor Lupin," said Dean, scowling, "he was the best we ever—"

_Half-bloods, Kakashi. Sorta like Jinchuruki, y'see? _

_ Okay, now this is just blatant guilt trip. _

_ And you actually like Remus, and I'm pretty sure that's who she's talking about it. _

_ OKAY, FINE._

"Hand, Mr. Thomas!" she said as Kakashi let his hand fly up in the air, earning a glare from Harry, but continuously ignored by Umbridge. "As I was saying—you have been introduced to spells that have been complex, inappropriate to your age group, and potentially lethal. You have been frightened into believing that you are likely to meet Dark attacks every other day—"

"No we haven't," said Hermione, "we just—"

"Your hand is not up, Miss Granger!" Her hand shot up in the air, but Umbridge turned away, ignoring both of them. Goddamnit, he hadn't even had a chance to talk yet.

"It's my understanding that my predecessor not only preformed illegal curses in front of you, he actually performed then on you—"

"Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn't he?" said Dean (_Real one's not much better_, Kakashi thought to himself, no Obito or Rin chiming in). "Mind you, we still learned loads—"

"Your hand is not up, Mr. Thomas!" she said. "Now, it is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about. And you name is?" she added, turning to Pavarti, still ignoring Kakashi's side of the room.

"Pavarti Patil, and isn't there a practical bit in our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L? Aren't we supposed to show that we can actually do that countercurses and things?"

"As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you should not be able to perform the spells under the carefully controlled examination conditions."

And what really sucked was that he couldn't call Umbridge an idiot because wasn't; she was just an incredibly intelligent, manipulative bitch who enjoyed the frustration, pain, and anger of others. At least for here, anyway, because in Konoha she wouldn't last more than a minute.

"Without ever practicing them before?" said Pavarti, rightfully shocked. "Are you telling us that the first time we'll be get to do the spells will be during out exam?"

"I repeat, as long as you have studied the theory hard enough—"

Fucking hell, it was like she was mocking them with how of much of a bitch she was by pretending to be all sweet and a normal law-abiding citizen when everyone could very clearly see through it.

"And what good's a theory going to be in the real world?" said Harry, raising his hand again.

At least he wasn't breaking the rules, then.

"This is school, Mr. Potter, not the real world," she said.

"So we're not supposed to be prepared for what's waiting out there?"

"There is nothing waiting out there, Mr. Potter." Oh shit, he needed to stop this soon.

"Oh yeah?"

"Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?"

"Hm, let's think…maybe Lord Voldemort?"

Second time that he went in too late! First in the dorm, now here? What the fuck was wrong with him?

_You're listening to voices in your head_, said a part of him that was just Kakashi and no one else. _You have to stop, or you'll start to miss what's important._

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter." The class was dead quiet, and still Kakashi's hand was raised and ignored. "Now, let me make a few things quite plain: You have been told that a certain Dark wizard has returned from the dead—"

"He wasn't dead," said Harry angrily, "but yeah, he's returned!"

"Mr. Potter-you-have-alread-lost-your-House-ten-points-do-not-make-matters-worse-for-yourself," said Professor Umbridge. "As I was saying, you have been informed that a certain Dark wizard is at large again. This is a lie."

"It is NOT a lie," said Harry. "I saw him, I fought him."

"Detention, Mr. Potter!" said Professor Umbridge with a cheery smile. "Tomorrow evening. Five o'clock. My office. For the rest of the week. I repeat, this is a lie. The Ministry of Magic guarantees that you are not in danger from any Dark wizard. If you are still worried, by all means come and see me outside class hours. If someone is alarming you with fibs about reborn Dark wizards, I would like to hear about it. I am here to help. I am your friend. And now, you will kindly continue your reading. Page five, 'Basics for Beginners.'"

Oh, screw it. If Harry got a detention, then he should probably get one too. Mineaswell crash and burn with satisfaction.

"Harry, no!" Hermione whispered, as the boy was still standing. But before Harry could say anything, Kakashi grabbed his robes and yanked him back into his seat.

"Um, Professor?" he said, hand still raised causing both Obito _and _Rin to cheer loudly. Harry's face went from angry to shocked in a matter of seconds. Umbridge's head shot up before she put back on the sweet, sweet smile.

"Yes, Mr.—"

Oh, as if she didn't know him. "I'm Kakashi Hatake," he said. "The exchange student, as you should remember."

All the argumentation earlier was causing her smile to drop and he saw real anger leaking through that carefully crafted façade. But he was the master of this game, of secrecies and falsehoods, and pretending to be something he wasn't, so there was no way in hell she was going to be able to trap him with any of her own.

And unlike him, she was already visibly cracking.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hatake," she said, voice all frills and lace and pink barrettes, eyes mutinous, "but the last discussion is closed. Now, if you have any queries on the chapter—"

"Actually, I have one on the entire book, and, by default, your curriculum."

Her smile refroze on her face. God, how he hated this woman already. "Okay, dear, if you don't understand anything, you may ask."

Hmmm…How to put this? "That's the thing, though," he said. "I've read the entire book over twice, and there's nothing to clear up. I covered this when I was eleven, and I didn't had a continuous teacher, either. Actually, I've probably cycled through about five."

More like six, truthfully. Sirius, Remus, Minerva, Arthur, Molly, and sometimes Tonks. So if anyone's learning was screwed by constant changes, it should be him.

Perhaps she was dumber than he thought, or she saw that statement as fuel for her argument, but she said, "Well, you see, that's because education here has been so disjointed and—"

"But, that's not what I'm saying," he cut her off, past caring by now. "It's sort of the complete opposite of what I'm saying. Basically, my school doesn't have a very good Defense Against the Dark Arts program. We're all Charms and History and Transfiguration back there." Where was he coming up with this stuff? "That's the reason why I wanted to come to Hogwarts. I heard, of course, of the past mishaps—dead teacher followed by memory loss teacher followed by teacher that resigned followed by psychopathic madman—but still, that it had an overall good program and tried its hardest to assign good educators who actually, well, educated.

"I came here for the Potions program, too. See, we don't have all the same plants in Japan as you do here, so a lot of our mixtures have to be done differently, because getting the proper ingredients for potions found here is really hard and really expensive. And in Potions, it's only been a day and I'm already learning a lot. So…I guess it's more like I'm not understanding the point of the book.

"You directly said that you're following Ministry-approved curriculum right after you spoke to us in passive voice—which by the way, is a grammatical error that you should really correct as a teacher, the 'I should like' and whatnot—" For a moment, Umbridge's eyes widened, but Kakashi continued before she could speak. "Last I checked, when I was looking into schools in Europe because, well, I felt like going here for some reason, it directly said that Hogwarts is a private establishment. So, that sort of vetoes you statement, right? About Ministry-approved curriculum? Because, from my understanding, the government can't interfere with private establishments."

The entire class was staring at him with a sort of understanding creeping into their faces and he knew that even if Umbridge argued back, he drove the point home with the other students, especially anyone whose parents worked in the Ministry. From what he gathered with Muggle history, there wasn't much of a private business sector here in England, but Wizarding England worked different purely because of Hogwarts. He learned about that in _Hogwarts, A History. _Otherwise, he'd know nothing political about this place, and even now, his knowledge was riddled with blanks he hopefully filled in correctly.

Thank god Hermione and her bookworm-ness existed.

After a moment Umbridge regained composure—probably shocked that someone bothered to in bring up politics—and said, "Well, then I'm sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Hatake, but I believe you have been misinformed. These students are far below the level they must be at to take their O.W.L.s, which is why we must start from the beginning."

"But—that still doesn't make any sense," he said, put on a mask of thinly veiled confusion. "Defense Against the Dark Arts is supposed to be useful, to help defend the user against enemies; I don't know much past a few counterjinxes, actual jinxes, and a few countercurses, and not much at all about Dark creatures, so I have about the same skill level as someone midway through his or her third year here, even taking in account their disjointed learning. You're saying that as long as they read it, they can defend themselves against an attack for first time, but even I can't learn something without at least a few rounds of trial and error, and the entire reason I could come here is because I learn a lot faster than most people."

Two seats down, Ron mumbled, "That's an understatement," but Umbridge didn't hear.

"So," she said, slowly losing her ability to use her fake smile, but miraculously keeping up the little girl, I'm-going-to-kill-you-dead voice, "are you saying you believe all those lies about the Dark Lord returning?"

He took note how she skipped over his comment about theory-learning. To reply, he shrugged. "I don't really care about whether this Voldemort—" The class gasped. "—has returned or not. I'm here for a school year, and that's it. I really don't even know enough about him to make an opinion. But I _do _know that after spending a summer with him, Harry doesn't seem like much of lunatic. Though, that's beside the point. All I'm talking about are the everyday, 'normal' people that do screwed up things to other people. You know, like child rapists and murderers and detrained psychopaths. Pretty sure they'd be delighted to find nice little students unable to defend themselves."  
>Rather than bother defending herself and her darling Ministry anymore, she snapped, "You will join Mr. Potter in detention for the week, Mr. Hatake. Starting tomorrow at five o' clock in my office."<p>

He blinked owlishly. "Wait—what did I say?"

"Would you like to extend those detentions?"

Fuck, what would his persona do? The real Kakashi was itching to keep arguing, but he made himself back down, look at the doodle he made of the tree and say miserably, "No. Sorry, Professor."

"Get back to reading," she told the class, not answering him, and went back to doing whatever she was doing before.

Half an hour later, the class was dismissed and Hermione made them hurry off, away from the other Gryffindors, before they could all get crowded, taking an alternate route to the Great Hall. All of them were silent, though Ron and Harry looked like they were bursting to say something.

By the time they reached the Great Hall, news of Kakashi and Harry's argument had already spread throughout the rest of the school (the rumor mill here was worse than ANBU locker rooms, and all of them were batshit in insane), speculations and stories circulating.

"He's still insisting You-Know-Who is back…"

"He reckons he dueled with You-Know-Who…"

"Come off it…"

"Who does he think he's kidding?"

And that was only Harry. There was stuff about Kakashi's argument too.

"He says You-Know-Who isn't the only one out there…"

"Says Potter isn't crazy…"

"Gave some lecture about government interference…"

"_He's so cute_!"

He died a little inside every time he heard the last one, which came out more than once, and dearly wished his mask was back. All he did was tell of Umbridge, so that and cute didn't add up. And worse yet, he talked about child murderers and rapists—how the hell did that add up to someone liking him?

To the left of him, Harry was saying, "What I don't get is why they all believed the story two months ago when Dumbledore told them…"

"The thing is, Harry," said Hermione, "I'm not sure they did—Oh, let's get out of here."

She put down her fork, and all of them followed suit. Kakashi didn't have much of an appetite, so he wasn't complaining, but Ron seemed sorely disappointed by it all. They walked in silence, something else he didn't mind, until they reached the first four landing and Harry asked, "What d'you mean, you're not sure they believed Dumbledore?"

"Look, you don't understand what it was like after it happened." Oh, so he could finally hear it from them, now, could he? He listened with interest. "You arrived back in the middle of the lawn clutching Cedric's dead body…None of us saw what happened in the maze…We just had Dumbledore's word for it that You-Know-Who had come back and killed Cedric and fought you."

"Which is the truth!"

Hermione sighed. "I know it is, Harry, so will you _please _stop biting by head off? It's just that before the truth could sink in, everyone went home for the summer, where they spent two months reading about how you're a nutcase and Dumbledore's going senile!" That appeared to be the end of it, as Harry didn't seem up to saying anything else. Then he was proved wrong by Hermione rounding on him not too far away from the portrait hole. "And _you._"

"What _about_ me?" he said, knowing a lecture was about to come on.

She put her hands on her hips and looked so remarkably like Rin for a moment, about to tell Obito off for starting another fight with him, that Kakashi averted his eyes. "What were you doing, bringing in politics? She _works _for the Ministry. That was about the stupidest thing you could've done!"

"Really?" he said, crossing his arms. "I thought correcting her grammar was worse. Besides, I know bringing in politics was the only way to get a week's worth of detentions."

After simply staring at him for about half a second, Harry said, "What? You _wanted _a week's worth of detentions?"

"I don't trust her," he answered, "at all. Because of this, and because of _you _got detentions, then _I _had to get a detention. If it was Snape or Flitwick or someone, I wouldn't've bothered, but this is Umbridge we're talking about. Everything I said was specifically meant to get me what I wanted. And, hey, at least I got a chance to make the school look good."

"I don't need to be—"

"I'm very thorough in my job," said Kakashi, giving a glare with about a quarter of its usual intensity. "And my job isn't just you. This is a necessary observation. You just gave me an excuse."

Ron shook his head. "Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go the common room."

_See_, said Rin as they headed off to the portrait hole_, that wasn't so bad, was it?_

Kakashi didn't answer.

.

Again, sorry this took so long. Hope you like it. Please review on what is also mentioned in the author's note. A dove just flew by my window, and it was pretty. Bye-bye!


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, sorry for shortness and suckishness. I'm really sick, so I wasn't exactly at my greatest. And by sick, I mean shaking with fever. So, basically, not good. That, and I got a kitty. She's been taking up a lot of time since she so playful, though right now she's just sleeping on my bed. I love her so much. Her name is Lanie.

Anyway, the first chapter of an OC story is coming out soon. Someone suggested an AU with a guy OC, so I ran with that. But, I also decided to do complete mindfuckary. Pairings, both with canon characters couplings and an OC (I made a boy and girl - siblings - so there's one of each gender) with a canon, are to be decided by the readers. Actually, a lot of the story is going to be decided by the readers. I wanted something interactive basically. Other stuff can be decided too. It's a generational flipping in an AU world. Read if you'd like.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

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Chapter Seven

Kakashi lay on the ground of the clearing he was using for training in the Forbidden Forest, vision out of focus as he stared up at the sky, Pakkun's paws were on his arm, and wondered what the fuck just happened.

He started out with taijutsu, because he hadn't practiced that since before the fight with Orochimaru. But not practicing it for that long was okay, because even once his lungs healed, his body was still fucked up enough that doing too much hurt. But now, the taijutsu was fine—went great, actually, considering he rarely used it when real fighting. Then he practiced with projectiles, throwing them at places he picked out on random trees at different altitudes, but he'd been practicing them all along, so naturally that went fine. Still, the entire time, no matter how goddamn perfect he was being, he was getting pelted with the feeling that something was wrong.

In retrospect, he was a damn idiot. After a month of no connects from home, he was dying for some familiarity, so he summoned Pakkun. It left a burning pain in his shoulder, one so bad that he actually couldn't stay upright (must've scared the crap out of Pakkun, too, now that he thought about it). That should've been a warning to stop right there, but no, he just had to go and continuing because he was too stubborn to admit something was wrong. So what triggered the reason behind his bad feeling?

A fucking genin level body switching jutsu.

It felt like his body was being burned alive, and he didn't scream not out of willpower, but out of an inability to even get his vocal cords working. He collapsed, landing on his side, and literally felt the cursed mark straining against the seal. Hell, it wasn't working, the pain itself spread everywhere, causing him to practically have a seizure while Pakkun kept asking him what was going on, what was wrong, should he get help. Eventually it stopped (it felt like a forever, but in reality was less than five minutes), and he turned over so he was on his back, too exhausted to move, the pain gone but the sensation lingering.

"I'm fine," he said to Pakkun, his voice sounding weaker than he liked, having to stop himself from speaking English. The little pug came to sit on his chest. "Don't worry about me."

"So that's the mark," said his nin-dog, motioning with his head to Kakashi's right shoulder. He nodded. "Who sealed it?"

Kakashi coughed before answering, "Jiraiya-san. 'Least that's what Tsunade-san told me."

In an odd moment of affection, Pakkun nuzzled his cheek with his head, making the silver-haired body wonder if whatever was going on was even worse than he suspected. Goddamnit, he needed someone to explain all this crap to him because he was at a loss. Even his, as the Sorting Hat put it, brilliant mind couldn't figure it out on his own. He didn't know enough about Orochimaru, and he couldn't for the life of him remembered what happened.

A two hour fight, sure, that he remembered. Along with getting nearly hacked to pieces, but there were whole gaps of the even missing. Like what he saw in the genjutsu, or Orochimaru's words. And he knew, after Tsunade told him, that he'd been awake (but barely) when Jiraiya found him. Just, he didn't remember that _at all. _Except someone saying something about him being an ANBU captain, which he wasn't sure actually happened, so he probably just imagined that.

"You look like shit, Kakashi," said Pakkun bluntly. Kakashi reached up and pat his head, causing the little nin-dog to scowl. Then he grunted, "Need me to get someone?"

In a moment of sheer stupidity, he answered, "Rin—"

_Kakashi-kun_, _I'm dead. _

_ Well, fuck._

"I mean," he said before Pakkun could comment on his blunder, "if you could go back to Konoha and get Jiraiya-san to tell me what the fuck is going on, that'd be _lovely_."

Wisely, Pakkun didn't mention his mistake. "I'll go hunt 'im down. Now get your ass into shape and go back to that school thing."

"I know, I know, I know." He frowned. "But, you know, to sit up, I sort of need you off my chest."

The nin-dog walk off, sitting on the ground beside him. Hiding the struggle it took, Kakashi used his hands to force himself into sitting position. A head rush followed for a moment, but other than that, he was fine. Even the pain in his shoulder was going down. Pakkun licked his hand.

"Take care of yourself, Kakashi," he said, big brown eyes eye looking up at him. "I'll pass on the message. Don't try too much chakra until then."

"God, I don't need you lecturing me too," he said, shaking his head. "Thanks, Pakkun, I owe you one. When I figure out what's going on, I'll summon you again." _Because I could use the company_, he added in his head.

Then there was another lick to his hand, and his friend was gone after half an hour's worth of conversation. Reality was hitting him hard; he hadn't been sociable since he was six, but he'd never felt so absolutely alienated before. The first few years of his life were dominated by his dad and Jiraiya, and not fully bothering with emotional restriction (though, still, he felt an inability to come to terms with that, even if he knew what happened). Then after that he had Minato-sensei who never really cared about his personal boundaries and acted like a ridiculously happy ball of energy anyway, forcing him to converse and then eventually living with him. Obito and Rin came next, and they were practically an extension of Minato. All he and Obito did was argue (which was his way of being friends, even if Obito didn't understand that), and speaking bare minimum to Rin (who didn't understand that speaking even a little was a different sign of friendship). By the time everyone was gone, he was on the ANBU squad, and on missions with others who respected him and treated him like anyone else—like what this society considers an adult—and that idiot Gai who kept asking for matching and claiming them rivals when Kakashi personally couldn't care less.

And what did he have now? A school of curious kids and teachers, a few fake friends, a near-absent client, and a fabricated persona. Loneliness rarely affected him before, but now that he thought about, that was the best way to describe it at the moment. That, and frustrated because there was something wrong with him, and something going on, and no one bothered to let him know.

With a sigh, he shoved himself up so he was standing and walked around the clearing, collecting all the kunai and shuriken he'd thrown at various targets. One was pretty high up in a tree, and since he was a little nervous about using chakra at the moment, he climbed it the civilian way, using the branches to grab it before dropping himself back down. He looked around for a tree he hadn't marked up too badly and found one at the exit of the clearing, the one that led back to the school. He saw down in front of it, kunai in hand, and carved the names he needed.

_Uchiha Obito_

_ Naoko Rin_

_ Namikaze Minato _

Then, after a moment's hesitation, he did as Rin asked and carved a messy heart around her name, wondering why he was listening to something his own mind suggested when he was never in love with her or anything of the sort. Another moment of hesitation came, and he swallowed thickly before writing, with a shaky hand:

_Hatake Mori_

_ Hatake Sakumo _

There was no real _reason _for him to write his parents' names. His mom he never met, as she died in childbirth, and his dad left him to fend for himself at seven by committing suicide, the least honorable death possible. That entire thing just fucked with his head, so doing this made no sense, but he didn't have it in him to scratch it out. He took a moment, looking at all the names, the heart around Rin's, all carved in this foreign tree, and wondered how the fuck his life fell this far.

Talk about pathetic.

_Don't say that about yourself! Kakashi-kun, you're anything but pathetic. _

_ Please…just, not now, Rin. _

_ I'm sorry. I can't help it. I wish I'd known you were always this self-deprecating. _

_ And what help would've that been?_

_ Well, Obito and I could've tried to help. Minato-sensei tried to tell us—_

What the hell? Rin kept talking (_but we didn't understand. Kakashi-kun?_), but he was trying very, very hard to remember if Obito or Minato or Rin ever told him about that. (_Kakashi, are you listening? 'Kashi? Oh god, please answer_) Because if they didn't, then that officially meant he was doing more than talking to his dead teammates—he was fabricating old situations, too.

_Yeah_, he answered, shaking his head and standing up. _Yeah, I am. Sorry, I got distracted. _

_ I know. Listen, he told us after our first B-ranked mission, when you and Obito got into that huge fight. _

The fight he remembered. It was a bad one; Kakashi had already had a bad enough day, having just come back from a solo scouting mission, feeling cheated by being thrown something so easy. Obito was doing his usual try-to-impress-Rin thing, and Kakashi snapped. Back then, snapping like that wasn't too usual, but it was exceptionally bad that day. Normally he held back in the severity of his insults, using them more as an attempt to help Obito than to actually be cruel, but he pulled out _everything _he could think over until he left the other boy crying, blaming dust in his eyes (admittedly, he wasn't wearing his goggles that day, but still), and for the first and last time ever, Minato actually told _him _to stop rather than Obito. Even if half the arguments were, in fact, started by Kakashi, he was never admonished for them.

Looking back, that made a twisted sort of sense, especially if he wasn't just making up this incident in his head.

_Oh. Okay. I'm sorry, Rin. _

_ Why? _

_ I completely closed you guys out. For a genius, I can really be an idiot, can't I?_

_ Stop it, Kakashi. What's wrong with you today?_

_ I don't know. I think I'm tired. _

_ Okay. Okay. Go back up to your dormitory and try to get some sleep. Please? For me?_

_ I am. Goodnight, Rin. _

_ Goodnight, Kakashi. _

Then he reached out and touched Minato's name one more time before leaving, ready to curl back up into bed, hoping Pakkun would have his answer soon.

.

An hour before Umbridge's detention, Kakashi discovered a dilemma with his cover. It was this:

He had never written an essay before.

Mission reports, yes, absolutely, and he could write jutsu scrolls, so it wasn't that he was incompetent in the intellectual writing field. Both of those he was used to keeping concise, straight to the point, while using as little words necessary. That was the problem: the word restraint. He had a minimum of a certain length and with his handwriting and habits, as well as unknowing how to actually write one, wasn't working out so well in his favor. So, again, he was forced to swallow his pride and go to someone for help.

With one hour to go.

"Um, Hermione," he said awkward, coming up behind her. The bushy haired girl turned around, looking unsurprised; by now, her, Harry, and the Weasleys learned not to be skittish.

"What's wrong?" she asked, because her first assumption with him was that there was always something going on. There was no real reason for her to think that, considering that she saw only saw a crack in his cover once, and that was a physical thing that she had no ability to help out.

Holding back a sigh, he sat down in the empty chair next to her (which was unfortunately not one of those squishy armchairs) with his quill, parchment, and history of magic book. After taking a deep breath he answered, "I don't know how to write an essay."

"You—what?"

"I can't write an essay. I've never had to."

Apparently this idea wasn't too difficult to understand for Hermione, because she looked shocked for all of ten seconds before nodding. "Right. I should've expected that. So what're you having trouble with?"

Reluctantly, he answered, "Everything. I don't know the format and I don't know how to make it the length required."

"That's why we make half the stuff up, mate," said Ron from the other side of Hermione. "I just say things over and—"

"Ron!" She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you write it in paragraphs. For History of Magic, make sure you have a thesis statement—a brief introduction of your analysis shortened into a sentence placed in the first paragraph—and write the rest of the essay using topic sentences as your first line. Topic sentences relate back to your thesis. You can cite quotes when appropriate from the book, too. I can help you; I've already finished mine. What else do you have?"

"The Divinations dream chart, the Charms essay (what's with all the essays?), Herbology essay, and the essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts," he said. "Harry and Ron said to say whatever for the dream chart to get a good grade, McGonagall talked Snape into giving me an exception in his class, and I'm not sure about the others. Are they same thing?"

"Somewhat," she answered, running her fingers through her hair. "Just, it doesn't sound like Umbridge wants an analysis. It seems like she just wants a summary…I'm planning on using a lot of quotes as filler, and paraphrasing much of what the author says. Does that make sense to you?"

He went to nod, but shook his head instead. "I don't know what paraphrasing means. It wasn't in the books I learned English from and I never heard it in the Burrow."

Both Harry and Ron were looking over now, evidently curious about his problem, not expecting it. Well, good for them, because he wasn't either. "Basically," she said, "you rewrite an author's point, or a sentence in a book in your own words. Now does it make sense? And citing I'll teach you about as we go along."

"Thanks," he said. "What about Charms and Herbology?"

"We can work on those tomorrow when we have more time," she said, flipping open Umbridge's text book. "I'm assuming you know how to write objectively."

"Yeah. That's how I wrote all my, uh, summaries back at home." Luckily Hermione was a smart girl, so she understood that summary was code for mission report. Thank god his fake friends weren't completely idiotic. Naïve, sheltered (somewhat, as their society worked differently), and nowhere near his level, but smart nonetheless. Now, if he was stuck with Malfoy and his make-shift bodyguards all the time, then he probably would never pass these classes (why did he even care?) and fervently hate the Wizarding world. Good thing he ended up with who he did. "The academic style is the only one I know. Or am good at anyway. I know literary terms and everything, just never put them to use. I do read fiction, though…"

Again, she nodded. "I understand. I prefer reading fiction too, but I never have much time in Hogwarts. It's all academic writing simply because of the subjects. Anyway, let's get started. We'll begin with Defense Against the Dark Arts, because that should be simpler than an analysis at the moment."

"Thank you so much," he said with relief, so tired and frustrated from the night before that the emotion was surprisingly real. "I'm sorry for not starting with you guys last night. It would've been so much easier."

"No, no," she said, waving her hand in the _Don't Worry About It_ type ofway, "this way I already have my done, so I can give you my full attention."

"Still," he said. "Thanks. I mean it."

She smiled cheerfully and Ron rolled his eyes. Hermione launched into a lesson, and Kakashi had a feeling that most normal people could never follow it at all. The girl talked way too quickly and used words he never learned before. By the time the hour was up, his second draft of the Defense Against the Dark Arts paper was finished (because she could move incredibly fast through her work when focused as it turned out), and the introduction paragraph of the History of Magic essay was written. At five to five, Harry stood and said, "Shall we go down to detention now?"

As he stood, too, both Hermione and Ron sent them sympathetic grimaces. No one else looked at them as they slid from the portrait hole and out into the chilly hallway. Automatically, Kakashi wrapped his robes more tightly around himself.

"Listen, Harry," he said after making sure that no one was around. "Keep your temper in there, okay? No matter what the woman does."

"I'm not planning on doing anything," said the other boy, clearly offended. "_I _don't want to get into anymore trouble."

But he got angry too easily, so that didn't count for much. "Okay," he said warily, preparing to jump in if Harry did anything stupid, because he knew this wasn't going to be fun or even mildly annoying.

"You know, I've been in this office before," said Harry.

"Oh?"

"One was second year with Lockhart. You know, the arrogant fraud?" Kakashi nodded; he'd heard many things about each Defense teacher. "Well, he had a whole bunch of smiling pictures of himself—bloody prat." He shook his head in exasperation at the memory. "In my third year, I was in Lupin's office, and there were always Dark creatures, Hinkypunks or something. Then when Moody's imposter was my teacher, there were a lot of Dark wizard detectors."

"What do you think it's going to be like this year?"

"Something miserable with a lot of lace," said Harry dully, and all Kakashi could think of doing was giving him a nod.

For the rest of the walk, they were silent; neither were particularly in the mood to talk. Kakashi, because he didn't like talking in general so these moments of quiet were a relief, and Harry because the boy wasn't an idiot, so he wasn't expecting something easily either. Kakashi hated these kids and hated this mission, because it was making him draw attention to himself. That was the appeal of the ANBU for him—a masked face in a sea of masked faces, inconspicuous, feared and respected, but hidden among the rest of them. He rubbed his eye, chakra exhaustion from the night before hitting him hard.

Fuck Orochimaru.

When they reached the office (which, yes, had lace, as well as creep kitten pictures), Harry knocked and Umbridge said, "Come in." The two boys looked at each other before Kakashi pushed open the door. "Good evening, Mr. Potter, Mr. Hatake."

"Evening," said Harry and Umbridge looked at Kakashi expectantly.

In the most bored voice he could muster, he said, "You too, Professor."

Her mouth pinched into a thin line at his blatant rudeness, but she didn't comment. "Well, sit down."

Neither of them did, Kakashi not planning on moving until Harry did because he could detect stupidity relatively easy at this point and with Umbridge right there, he didn't know how to stop it. Harry said, "Er, Professor Umbridge? Er—before we start, I-I wanted to ask you a…a favor…"

The Quidditch try-outs. Of _course. _Angelina talked about them last night, and Kakashi kept forgetting how important the sport was to these people. Still, asking was pretty ridiculous.

"Oh, yes?"

"Well, I'm…I'm on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And I was supposed to be at the tryouts for the new Keeper at five o' clock on Friday and I was—was wondering whether I could skip detention that night and do it—do it another night…instead…"

"Oh no," said Umbridge. "Oh no, no, no. This is your punishment for spreading evil, nasty, attention-seeking—"

"Professor," he found himself saying suddenly, and vaguely wondered if Obito temporarily took over his ability to talk because this wasn't like him at all. "If you let Harry off, you could always have him make it up on Monday. Or I'll do it for him."

She turned her frog-like smile to him. "No, dear, he will not make it up on Monday. He will sit here on Friday like he will for the rest of the week, same as you. Bad children don't deserve to go out and enjoy fun activities because they need to be punished properly. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Professor," he answered dryly, "you said your _opinion _quite clearly."

Apparently, she didn't like the word choice, but he didn't care. She said, "Sit down, boys." Silently, they followed orders, grabbing seats at two tables next to each other. "Now, you are going to do lines for me, both of you. No, not your quills, but with two very special ones of mine."

Kakashi didn't like the way she said special. She handed each one of them a quill, and he could feel immediately that this thing was loaded with compacted magic, something similar feeling to killing intent chakra. Oh, just joyful. He was right in his assumption that she was a sadist bitch.

"I want you, Mr. Potter, to write _I must not tell lies_," said Umbridge. "And I should like you, Mr. Hatake, to write _I must be silent._"

Talk about a cop-out. "Really? Of all the things to write, you want me to use _that_?" he said, looking from the quill to her. "I mean, I understand, since all I did was point out indisputable truths. But, I guess I shouldn't've expected much from a teacher who speaks in passive voice to her 'impressionable' students. Sure, you might think that Dumbledore's off in the head, but at least he uses proper grammar."

Umbridge's eyes bulged, which was more than just a little bit satisfying. "I have changed my mind, Mr. Hatake," she said. "I would like you—"

"'Would is passive voice.'"

"—to write _I will not insult. _Also, I do not believe a non-English speaking student should be lecturing me on grammar. I do believe I know better than you."

He smirked. "Check a grammatical dictionary, Professor. And is that all?"

"Oh, yes." A smile expanded across her wide mouth. "I find that shorter lines make for better use. Do you understand that too, Mr. Potter? Now, get to writing, dears."

"How many times?" asked Harry, glancing at Kakashi, one corner of his mouth twitching as he fought against a smile.

"Oh, as long as it takes for the message to _sink in._"

"You haven't given us any ink."

"Oh, you won't need ink."

That didn't sound good. Harry got to writing first. There was a sudden gasp from the other side of the room, and when Kakashi looked over, he saw words fade to nothingness on his hand, and red ink on the paper. This wasn't ink, of course, and he knew that by the end of this, the smell of blood was going to be overwhelming.

"That was a terrible pun, Professor Umbridge," he said bluntly as she turned her sadistic smile to Harry. Her gaze snapped to him.

"Get to work, Hatake! Ten points from Gryffindor."

_You're having way too much fun_, said Rin in his head an hour after he got to writing, completely unbothered by the repeated wound showing up on his hand.

_Really? I think it's hilarious. _

_ He's only making the situation worse for himself, Obito. _

_ Um, Rin, I'm fine. Honest. _

_ Yeah, let 'em have his fun!_

_ Hmph. Boys. _

_ Hey, I'm just doing this for observational work. _

_ And because it's fun. Hey, Rin, remember the spitball incident?_

_ Gai deserved it! So, you still can't lump me into the same category as you. _

_ That happened when you guys were still academy students, right?_

_ Yeah. Gai did his whole 'I love you!' thing to me._

_ Ew. _

_ Exactly!_

_ Yeah, yeah. He might've deserved it, but you were still the one who used spitballs._

_ Ooo, Akira-sensei was so mad._

_ Um, hello? I'm here too, you know. _

_ So? You never cared before, Kakashi-kun._

_ That was before you two were in my head. Now it's just awkward. _

_ Maybe you should stop writing so fast. _

_ She's kinda right…_

_ Why?_

_ The cut's taking a longer time to heal. See, Harry's is still fading fine because he's writing in intervals. _

_ You're in my _head_, Rin, you can lay off the medical lectures. _

Still, he followed her advice and slowed down his writing speed, noticing that the words were starting to run into each other already.

_I'm starting to think sadistic bitch is an understatement_, he said.

_No kidding. This is torture. Literary. _

_ If I were where you are now, I'd totally lecture her about how unsanitary this is. _

_ Do you guys think this counts as sinking in?_

_ I'm pretty sure she means down to the—_

Obito was cut off as Umbridge said, "Come here, you two."

He let himself make eye contact with Harry for a moment, something the boy obviously needed at the moment before standing at walking over. The blood on the parchment was starting to seep through, wetting the wood of the table. Well, it was her fault. But, as this was his last opportunity to piss her off for the night, he pointed his wand behind him at the table and lazily said, "_Tergeo._" It was one of the spells Molly taught him, meant to scour objects clean. Now both the paper and the wood were spotless. Again, the professor's eyes bulged.

"Did I tell you that you are allowed to do magic in my classroom, Mr. Hatake?" she asked, voice growing sharper in pitch. "And _especially _one that should _not _be taught until seventh year in theory with the new Ministry-app—"

"I'm sorry," he said politely, "I didn't realize you liked having blood on your furniture. And I'm also sorry to tell you that I learned how to use a scour spell three years ago." Years, of course, meaning weeks. "You know, isn't corporal punishment illegal? As in, what you did was just now breaking your own laws?"

"I have the authority to do this," she said. "I should like you—"

"Passive voice, Professor."

Umbridge clucked her tongue. "You may leave now. Go rest up."

"Goodnight," said Harry, already backing to the door. Kakashi parroted him, and when they were outside and clearly out of earshot, "Does your hand hurt?"

He shook his head. "Yours?"

"A little," the other boy admitted, wincing as he stretched out his fingers. "Hey, can you not tell Ron and Hermione about this?"

"I have to tell Dumbledore," he said, double-checking to make sure he wasn't bleeding before tucking his hands into his pocket. "You know, it is sort of my job."

"Please don't." For the life of him, Kakashi couldn't see why he wanted to keep this hidden. Whether he realized it or not, what Umbridge did was literally torture. "Look, it's just that…Well, I don't know. Ron and Hermione will want to tell McGonagall and if it reaches the teachers, then Umbridge'll think she won."

After a moment of staring at Harry incredulously, Kakashi said, "You do realize that was stupidest reasoning ever, right? 'Think she won.' I understand how much that feeling sucks, but her 'winning' is letting her break both school protocol and the law."

"Please don't," he repeated, eyes pleading and wide. "I—I get that. I do. But Dumbledore and McGonagall can't do anything about it, and Fudge'll back her up. It just—"

"Okay, fine," he said, concocting a way to work this in his favor. "But only if you promise me something."

"What is it?"

"You need to keep your temper in her class," he answered, "no matter what she does. You aren't going to talk back. That Friday will be your absolute last detention for Umbridge at least until I'm gone at the end of the summer. The _moment _you snap, I'm going straight up to Dumbledore's office and telling him, getting both her _and _you in trouble in the process. And it's against my principals to go back on my word unless I'm promising something in undercover, so you can guarantee that I'll do it. Is that understood?"

Face white, eyes wide, Harry nodded. "Understood," he said weakly. Then he shook his head, and was back to normal. "Anyway, why do _you _hate her so much? Mind, I'm not saying it's unusual—everyone hates her—but you seem to hate her about as much as I do."

Explaining the personality traits of different torturers was going to take too long, and he didn't want to explain how he knew, so he opted for a shrug. "Eh. You had a detention, so I needed a detention. Then today? Well, let's just say I got pretty frustrated by not knowing how to do something, and I took it out on her."

"The essays?" He nodded. "I don't like essays. Never liked them when I was in Muggle primary school, and I don't like them here."

"I find them pointless." They were nearing the common room, taking the distance down by half with all the secret passageways. So far, Kakashi knew of forty-seven, but was sure there was more. "They don't exactly help me remember something more than I already do. They're just a waste of time."

"But teachers keep assigning them anyway."

"_Mimbulus Mimbletonia_," Kakashi told the Fat Lady, who sniffled and let the door swing open.

.

"What _happened _in there?" Kakashi said on Friday after their final detention, hurrying back to the common room. "You—what did she do?"

For the first time since he'd known the boy, Harry seemed absolutely terrified. Though he hid it surprisingly well in Umbridge's office, his face melted straight into fear the moment they were gone. The worst part of this?

Kakashi was genuinely concerned.

"When she touched my hand, my scar hurt," the boy answered. "My scar—well, you know what it means, right?"

Unfortunately, he did. "So, you're saying that Voldemort's around here somewhere? I've been all over the castle the past week in between classes and at night…the grounds too, and I haven't seen or felt anyone."

"It doesn't necessarily," Harry said, fidgeting. "I mean, what if she's possessed or something?"

"I would've noticed," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "She would have two different magic signatures in one. I've felt it before—" (And since Naruto was still a baby, the patchy, underdeveloped combination made him painful to be around.) "—and she's normal. Same condensed chakra as the rest of you. Slightly different of course, but everybody has his or her individual signature."

Though evidently confused, Harry still looked relieved. "So what do you think happened?"

"I don't know," he admitted, and hated himself for it. How could he help when he was still completely oblivious? "I have a meeting tomorrow with Dumbledore, and since you're against seeing him for the detentions, then I'll try to get him to give me answers without being obvious about it."

With a sigh of what was even more relief, Harry said, "Thanks, Kakashi, especially since I know how against you are with this in the first place."

Even if it was hard, he managed to get out, "Don't worry about it," because in truth there was a lot to worry about.

When they entered the common room, they were hit by an explosion of noise. Ron suddenly popped up in front of them, beaming, sloshing some of his butterbeer down his front. "I made Keeper!" he yelled over the news, and now the party made sense.

"Good for you!" said Kakashi, because he couldn't think of anything else. Harry gave him his own congratulations and disappeared off in the direction of the sleeping Hermione, leaving him alone with Ron. "How'd it go?"

"It was good! Angelina told me I was great after." Hopefully this gave him some confidence, because he seemed like the type of person to crumble under nerves. "You coming to the first game, Kakashi?" he added hopefully.

"Of course," he answered, "I've never—" A few other people were close enough to be in earshot, so he couldn't say the truth. "—been to a game since my accident. Haven't exactly flown since then either."

Ron's face lit up. "If you want, you can come down with me and Harry one day and fly again. 'Course, I understand if you don't want to…"

In truth, Kakashi was absolutely fascinated by the idea of flying. Sometimes, when moving fast enough while jumping from giant tree branch to giant tree branch, it almost gave the illusion flying (the momentum allowed very, very long distance jumped, coupled by chakra), but, like everyone else in the Hidden Continent, he'd never actually flown before. There were rumors that some of the skilled enough Suna-nin could, but he had yet to see that for himself. "Sure," he answered. "It's been a while and I miss it. Might be pretty bad, though, since it's been about two years."

"Don't worry, Harry and I'll help you out." Then his smile wavered a little bit. "How'd your detention go?"

As he figured it was Harry's choice to disclose the ending or not, Kakashi shrugged and said, "Same as usual. Boring, obnoxious. Hopefully I won't have to go back in there again, because I can only take so many creepy cats looking at me." He spared a glance in Harry's direction. Ron noticed, and nodded.

"If he does it again, are you going to tell someone?"

"Yeah. I think that's enough of a threat for him to keep his mouth shut." He looked back to Ron. "So when does practice start?"

"Tomorrow," he answered. "Angelina says we need to get working now if we ever want to beat Slytherin, and to make up for lost time."

"But, it's only been a week."

"No Quidditch last year, remember?" he said. "We told you about that, I think."

Actually, they hadn't, not even Hermione; he picked it up from Fred and George. "Yeah, you did," he lied. "So where's the butterbeer? I'm pretty sure I need one after a week of the detentions from hell."

"Come on, I'll show you."

They forced their way through the room until they reached a table in the back with food and drinks. Next to it, the twins were testing their products, taking advantage of Hermione's distraction. Regardless of what she said, Kakashi still didn't see much of a problem in it. He grabbed a butterbeer off the table. Ron's eyes gravitated to the scars on his hand, still an angry red and not fully closed yet. Technically, he could've just healed the marks after each session, but he knew that if Harry decided to go and be argumentative again, he'd need some proof. And back at home he always wore gloves, so it never mattered much anyway.

"I think I'm heading upstairs," he said, intending to go outside. "You know, tuck in early."

As he on the second day of doing so, he realized he needed a back up cover if one of the other boys in the dormitory found his bed, he decided to tell Harry and Ron about his night escapades. It did no real harm letting them know, as they were already perfectly aware of his status as a shinobi. He never thought letting a group of charges know anything about himself could be a good thing, but he was proven wrong. Quite thankfully, too. Ron nodded.

"G'night," he said.

"Good night, Ron."

And he went upstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

Jesus, I'm sorry this took so long. School's been ridiculous, my weekends have been ridiculous, and my health has been ridiculous. And now on Friday I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled! I'm suffering what has to be the biggest fuck-my-life moment ever, though slightly lessened by the fact that I text my potential boyfriend every day now. :)

Anyway, away from all that. Here's chapter eight, and I'm not even close to being halfway finished! The beginning of the chapter and the end of the chapter mirror each other, so I'm saying ahead of time that I did that on purpose sort of. Also, yay, flying!

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Eight

Kakashi entered Dumbledore's early the next morning; after returning from his nightly training sessions, he found a short note on his pillow requesting a meeting as soon as possible. Out of habit, he absentmindedly burned it, heading out the common room. Harry was gone, too, he noticed, but didn't think much of it. The boy could survive until breakfast without him (hopefully, anyway). He ducked behind a tapestry that led to a shortcut, jolting awake its occupants, to avoid Peeves as he came around the corner. Kakashi had yet to have a run-in with the poltergeist, and he wasn't in the mood to have one at the moment.

In truth, he was worried. It'd been a whole week since he sent off Pakkun, and the little nin-dog hadn't come back yet, nor had a letter from Jiraiya arrived. As a tracker, it shouldn't have been too hard for him to find Jiraiya, regardless of where he was. So what was taking so long? Was it possible that the man was in enough trouble that Pakkun didn't have an opening to reach him? Or, worse yet, could it be because there was no Jiraiya to find?

_Don't think like that_, he told himself, shaking his head. _There's no way he'd let himself be killed. _

_ Of course not, _said Rin_, So don't worry about it. I bet it's nothing big. _

_ Yeah, you're right. _

But even his mind didn't sound too certain. Jiraiya was great, like Tsunade, but Orochimaru was good too. If they really fought all out, it was possible…And since Orochimaru was a traitor, it was definite that neither was going to hold back at all. Attacking Kakashi probably just gave Jiraiya a good enough excuse to go after him. God, that meant if he _was _dead, then this was another death that was Kakashi's—

_Stop thinking like that. You aren't making it any better. _

_ I know, I know. _

_ You're just worried. Now go on and give the gargoyle the stupid password. _

"Lemon drops," he said, sounding more miserable than he expected. The gargoyle slid out of place, revealing the spiral staircase up to the office. Once he was on the second step, it slid back, leaving him with the same trapped feeling as last time. He walked the few steps up and knocked awkwardly at the door. Kakashi didn't use doors much back at home, a quirk that usually made the Hokage yell at him, and this small adjustment, like having to be on time to things, felt even weirder than some of the larger forced changes. It swung open.

Dumbledore sat behind his desk, and smiled as he entered. "Good morning, Kakashi," he said in greeting, motioning to the chair across from him. "Alas, we again meet at such an unfortunate hour."

Kakashi bowed before going over to the chair and taking a seat. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

In an instant, the old man's smile disappeared, which didn't prove good news. He pulled a letter from his drawer and passed it over. As Kakashi looked at the address on front (that simply read _Albus Dumbledore and Hatake Kakashi _in his native language), Dumbledore said, "I received this last night. Originally I meant to read it first, but I felt that it was in your right to do so."

"It's from Tsunade," he said quietly as he tore open the flap and took out the letter. All the words were written in her messy, doctor handwriting. "It's medical instructions."

There were two parts to it, one addressed to Dumbledore (in English, oddly) that Kakashi skipped over and one addressed to him. That second bit wasn't written like a typical mission report, and instead an actual letter, and it read:

_Kakashi—_

_ First things first: Don't be an idiot and tell someone if that mark bothering you. While Jiraiya's out looking, I've researched Orochimaru's curse and sent Dumbledore instructions on how to deal with what I found. That is, what he can help anyway. Since this is the first time we've ever seen it, Jiraiya's seal isn't perfect. I'm looking into ways to make it more manageable, but that might take a while. _

_ From what I know so far, it pulls your chakra out when you use to much of it. With enough willpower, you should be able to hold it back, but especially if you get in a real fight, use the Sharingan as a last resort and stick mostly to genjutsu and taijutsu, and try your hardest to avoid using that Lightning Cutter of yours. I'm sure you know by that if you exert past your minimum, the mark starts to hurt. Stop there and don't go past that, because it can cause high fevers like the one you had right after your fight with Orochimaru, and will screw with your mind, giving you a power rush. _

_ More on Jiraiya's seal itself and its effects he needs to tell you himself, since I haven't been in contact with him since he left. Be careful with that, too, though, because he had to figure that out quickly, so it was all guesswork. We'll fix it fully when you come back, since he or myself should have enough answers by then. Until you come back, watch yourself, practice real hard on taijutsu, and FUCKING TELL SOMEONE IF IT STARTS HURTING. HOKAGE-SAMA'S ORDERS, GODDAMNIT._

_ There, did I get my point across, Hatake?_

_ —Tsunade _

"Thanks," he said and handed it back. Fuck if she really thought he was following those orders. Some he was perfectly willing to break, and that fell straight under the category. "The first part's for you. She's giving you all the information she knows apparently in case something goes wrong."

Dumbledore gave him a look that Kakashi swore meant he could read his mind. "And has what's on your shoulder been hurting since you starting going out to the forest, Kakashi?"

"No, sir," he said evenly, though he had a very distinct feeling that the man knew he was lying anyway, which was really damn annoying because very, very few people could see through his lies. Though, it was highly possible that something in the forest (Harry, Ron, and Hermione told him stories of what was in there) told him about that first night of training, when he actually collapsed from the—no, he was just being paranoid again. He would've sensed if someone was around and people couldn't read minds; he should know, considering that he tricked people into thinking _he _could. "If you reply, sir, please tell her that I understand and will follow orders."

_And here I thought you were a stickler to following orders. _

_ Shut up, Obito, it hasn't been that big of a deal. I don't need to kill my pride yet. _

"You can write to her if you'd like," Dumbledore said, but Kakashi shook his head. "Very well then. Anything else you'd like to report?"

"No, sir," he repeated even if this time he didn't want to lie at all. "Except for Dolores Umbridge doing her whole The-Ministry-Is-God-Thing and half the school believing it, I haven't seen much happen."

One grey eyebrow rose into an arch. "The-Ministry-Is-God-Thing?" he said. "That's one I haven't heard before. I believe it's a nice way to put it, if not a little intense."

With a shrug, Kakashi said, "It's true enough. Also, thank you for giving those recipes to the house-elves, sir."

He smiled. "I thought you'd like that. Now, on the subject of food, I believe it's time for breakfast, where your friends will no doubt be wondering about your absence. You may leave now, unless you have anything else to add."

Kakashi took note that Dumbledore said _your friends _and not _your charges. _First the Sorting Hat, then his old teammates, and now his client? Damnit, did everyone doubt his ability to keep objectivity? Instead of showing his annoyance, he smiled and stood up, bowing again, and said, "Goodbye, sir. If anything happens, I'll be sure to tell you."

"Goodbye, Kakashi," the man answered, inclining his head. "Have a pleasant rest of the day."

With that, the thirteen-year-old exited the room, resisting the urge to run the whole way to the Great Hall because aggravation and frustration were hitting him hard, and he needed to do _something _to burn off even a little of it. Normally when he got like this, he went out to the training grounds or off somewhere private and worked himself to exhaustion. That, or took about four very strong sleeping pills and blocked out the world for a good twelve hours (a developing habit that rarely worked), so simply having to deal with it at the moment wasn't working out so well.

It was only when he entered the Great Hall ten minutes later that he realized he forgot to weasel information out of Dumbledore about Harry's scar, which only made him _more _frustrated. But the letter from Tsunade blew away any thought of his current charges, which wasn't good at all, because that was personal life taking over his mission. Though, in actuality, he was only here because of the reason behind that letter, but that was beside the point.

When he reached the three friends, he immediately saw their grim faces and asked, "What happened?"

As he slipped into the seat next to Hermione, she answered in a voice barely above a whisper, "Sturgis Podmore was arrested by the Ministry for trying to get through a _door_."

The three looked at him expectantly, waiting for answers. Well, unfortunately for them, he wasn't too sure either, because even if he sat in on all those meetings, no one bothered to explain anything to him.

Sort of like Tsunade, who told him what the curse _did_, but not what it _was_, which was even more irritating.

What he did know, though, was that there was something in the Ministry that the Order members were guarding. But they were just guarding. People who were guarding did not try to force open the way to what they were protecting. Sure, Kakashi said himself that Sturgis was about as reliable as Mundungus, but the man didn't seem stupid enough to fuck up his job that badly. He said, "Isn't Podmore the one that Mad-Eye insisted we wait for?" They all nodded. "How long he's sentenced for?"

"Six months in Azkaban," answered Harry. For a moment Kakashi thought, _Six months isn't all that long,_ before he remembered he remembered about the dementors. "All for trying to open a door. There's no way a door can be that important, is there?"

Personally, Kakashi could easily see how a door could be that important, but that was only because he had experience with forcing open very important doors (it was an A-class mission in Kumogakure that really didn't deserve that ranking). Still, he didn't feel like telling this to the three of them, so he shrugged instead. He asked, "So what do you do on weekends here anyway, since there aren't any classes?" The three stared. "What?"

"How can be so nonchalant about it?" answered Hermione, eyebrows shot up in surprise. Again, he shrugged. "Wait—you know what's going on, don't know?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, sending her a smile. "I don't know much about the people or politics here in England."

Understanding now, she shut up. To answer his last question, Ron said, "Harry and I were going to head out early for a bit to practice some Quidditch. Want to join us?"

Hermione snapped the paper closed. "_I _think we should tackle that essay for Sprout on Self-Fertilizing Shrubs first, and if we're lucky we'll be able to start McGonagall's Inanimatus Conjurus _before _you leave, since you have practice later as well."

"We can do it when we get back," said Harry hastily. "Kakashi can't fly during practice, so going out now is our best option."

"Do you even want to fly, Kakashi?" she asked, turning on him and he wondered how the hell he got stuck in the middle of this all the sudden. "I wouldn't have thought you'd ever want to go on a broom again."

Considering that he honestly did want to try flying, he wasn't pulling the whole traumatized excuse unless he absolutely sucked. "I think I want to give it another go," he said, pushing away from the table along with the other two boys. "I'll meet you in either the library or the common room when their actual practice starts, okay? Might be earlier…It depends."

"Fine," she said, and he pretended he didn't see how hurt she looked (because it was so blatantly obvious that it would take an idiot not to notice). "Meet me in the common room." She looked to Harry and Ron. "And unless you want to fail your O.W.L.s, I suggest you get your priorities straight, because you're not copying off of me anymore."

And with that, she was gone.

Once the three boys were walking down the slopping grass law towards the Quidditch pitch, the one place Kakashi hadn't been yet, Ron said, "I mean, we can do it tonight. And we've got tomorrow. She gets too worked up about work, that's her trouble…" After a pause, he nervously added, "D'you think she meant it when she said we weren't copying from her?"

"She did seem pretty serious about it," said Kakashi and thought that if she really did stop helping them, he'd probably step in. Then he shook the thought away because getting them to pass the O.W.L.s wasn't part of the contract. "Mind, I don't know her too well."

Harry said, "I think she meant it. Still, this is important too, we've got to practice if we want to stay on the Quidditch team…"

"Yeah, that's right. And we _have _got plenty of time to do it all…" Ron said, a bit more assured. "Besides, it's the perfect day to teach you how to fly." It was true; England was usually all grey skies and dampness, but today was sunny and dry. After glancing around, presumably to make sure no one was around, he added, "You've never flown at all, right? Without broomsticks, I mean."

"No," he answered, "no one back home can. It's basically considered impossible."

_You should totally find a Suna-nin who can control wind and learn_, said Obito.

_I probably will. Eventually. Until then, a year of broomsticks. _

_ So? You still get to fly! You know how awesome that is?_

_ Yeah, basically. This could interesting._

_ Interesting? That's gotta be the understatement of the year. _

The boys led him into the Gryffindor locker room where they grabbed the balls from a cupboard. As they walked out onto the field (which looked about as awesome as the castle), Harry said, "We'll show you how to fly first and if you want to, you can help Ron practice with me."

_Do it, do it, do it, do it! _

_ I was already planning on it…_

_ Well—well—_

Ron placed his broom on the ground next to Kakashi and said, "Start on this because it's slower. Now put your hand above it and say 'up.'"

Kakashi looked at him blankly. "Do you do that before every game?"

In response, Harry shook his head. "It's just how Madam Hooch—she's the ref and Hogwarts flying instructor—first taught us. Er, I guess after a while you just get used to it. Oh, and brooms can tell if you're scared to get off the ground or whatever, so just be confident. So, try?"

Deciding that magic lacked too much logic to argue about whether or not an inanimate object could really predict feelings, he stuck his hand out and said, "Up!"

Surprisingly, it worked. Weird, considering that he had a hard enough time looking at people like, well, people, and he only thought of himself as a tool, so logic said that inanimate objects should be treated even less than that in his mind. And they did, for the most part. So how the hell did he manage to show a _broom _enough respect to actually get a reaction?

He decided not to think about it.

"That's good!" said Harry. "Now mount it." Kakashi followed what he was doing and decided that it was really uncomfortable. But still, he was honestly about to fly, which meant he could deal with it. "Okay, now just kick off. I'll tell you the rest in the air."

So followed what Harry did, pushing off with his feet, expecting to fall, but—

He was in the air. Not incredibly high, maybe ten feet, but Harry was next to him, grinning widely, and Kakashi genuinely laughed out loud. Sure, he'd been much higher than this before, but this was in _midair _and he was just staying there, levitating, not waiting to use chakra to stick to an object however many feet away. Harry said, "Okay, to fly higher, you angle your broom upwards and lean forward. To fly straight, hold it straight. If you want to speed up, lean your body low against the stick part; this works no matter what direction you want. To turn, adjust your broom in whichever direction you want. To dive, lean forward and angle your broom down. Whether going up or down, always make sure to level out your broom out. To stop, lean your body backwards. Got that?" Kakashi nodded. "Okay, good. Now...follow me."

Harry, moving considerably slower than his broom could apparently go, turned to a left; as directed, he followed. They spent about five minutes turning before the black haired boy took an abrupt turn upwards and sky rocketed a good fifty feet in the air. When Kakashi was next to him again, leveled out, he grinned impishly and without saying anything, dived. Suddenly Kakashi was led on a mess of disconnecting, unpredictable movements because Harry seemed to be doing whatever the hell he wanted. This went on for maybe twenty minutes before they touched back on the ground, where Kakashi almost (very ungracefully) tripped over the handle because the damn broom still insisted on floating in the air.

"So what d'you think?" asked Harry with another grin as Kakashi handed the Cleansweep back to Ron. "Brilliant, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he answered, legitimately enthusiastic about it, which scared him more than he'd like to admit. Rin and Obito were chattering on in his head about how lucky he was, but to each other, not to him, which was even more bizarre. He ran his fingers through his hair. "You were amazing. I guess five years really pays off."

"You were great too!" said the other boy. "S'pose I shouldn't be surprised, though, considering how quickly you pick up on things."

In truth, he found flying a lot harder than any spell work so far. Maybe it was because he didn't quite trust the broom (which apparently had feelings, something that still freaked him out) or just because it was more difficult than it seemed at first sight, but he had to tug considerably harder than Harry did to get his to turn, and he had a feeling that wasn't supposed to happen.

_You know how great these would be in Konoha? _said Obito. _I mean, damn, imagine how much faster you could travel. _

Without him meaning to, Kakashi's mind jumped back to running after his friend to rescue Rin and decided that yes, going that fast on a broomstick really could've helped.

_I think it could help with stealth to_, he said. _It doesn't have a chakra signature and it's silent. Sure, not as fast as Shunshin, but it'd give you a complete bird's-eye view. For once, these wizards have something practical. Shame it's wasted on a game. _

_ But think about how cool that game'll be! And you get to see it!_

_ Well, you and Rin do too, you know. _

_ 'Course. When's it again?_

_ I think not until—_

Ron's voice suddenly cut through with, "Kakashi? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered quickly. "Why?"

_Maybe I should get out of your head for a while. _

"I asked if you wanted to help me practice," he said. "You know, switch off brooms with Harry, and you didn't answer."

_Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good idea._

"Sorry, just—" Just what? What could he say? "—remembered something," he tried, knowing how weak it sounded, "and lost concentration for a moment. And I'd say yeah, but I promised Hermione that I'd meet up with her once you started practicing."

"Okay," said Ron, but he sounded doubtful. "What was it?"

Damn these wizards and their inability to keep curiosity to themselves. "I was wondering what my friends back at home are doing," he lied, though he wasn't sure if he ever mentioned having friends before. "They'd love this, and I can't exactly bring one back. Or tell them about it."

"Why can't you tell them?" asked Harry.

"This mission is highly ranked," he answered, glad no one was around so he didn't need to use any form of code, "which means it's classified. This information never goes past the Hokage and I back in Konoha, and the Order and you here. Basically, I pretend that this never happened."

"So you…can't tell them anything?" said Ron sounding as disappointed as Harry looked. He shook his head. "Oh. You know, can we still write to you? I meant to ask before if we could keep in contact…"

His answer caught in his throat because he was torn between yes and no. Yes, because that's what his cover would say (but just his cover, since under no circumstance were the Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione his friends), and no because he didn't want them too, so he copped out by saying, "That's a grey area. I'll find out during my next correspondence with Konoha."

That seemed the cheer the two boys up and Harry said, "If you can, that'd be good. So, you sure you don't want to keep flying? I'll be willing to switch the Firebolt with you."

Technically, he told Hermione he'd come back when the actual team practice started, and currently it was just the three of them, and it wasn't like he cared about their feelings anyway, so he felt perfectly justified in saying, "I'll stay. I don't know the next opportunity I'll get to fly without having to pretend to have a panic attack or something."

As Ron mounted his broom he said, "Fair point, mate. Maybe I shouldn't've made a Quidditch accident be your excuse."

"It's fine," he answered and hopped up so he sat on the wall that separated the stands from the field. Neither boy looked particularly surprised to see him jump six feet with ease. Maybe he should just walk up a wall one day, because he missed their "wow!" reactions. "When should we switch off, Harry?"

"Er, every fifteen minutes?" suggested the boy as he lifted into the air after Ron, Quaffle tucked under one arm. Kakashi nodded. "Good, that works."

This, time, it was Rin in his head.

_I haven't seen you this exited about something since you heard you became an ANBU._

_ Hey, I'm not excited about this and I wasn't about tha—wait, you weren't there for that. _

_ So you think. _

_ Only Obito was talking to me then. _

_ Just because I didn't say anything doesn't mean I wasn't there. You totally were excited. _

_ I wasn't! I only did it because it was my last option. _

_ And the idea of you becoming captain? That doesn't make you happy either?_

_ If it does, then I'm more fucked up than I thought. _

_ You aren't crazy, Kakashi-kun. _

_ So says the voice in my head._

_ You're talking to me, not yourself. _

_ Which is—nevermind. _

_ Stop thinking too much about it and watch the kids fly. Harry's amazing. _

_ No kidding. I'm assuming you're like Obito and want to see the game. _

_ Of course! And I want to see Gryffindor win. _

_ Why?_

_ Because it's your house and I don't really like any of the others. _

_ You don't? I thought you would've liked Ravenclaw. _

_ Well, Cho irritates me for some reason, Slytherin's made of dicks, and Hufflepuffs are boring. _

_ Made of dicks? Really, Rin, really?_

_ Yes, absolutely. _

Harry pulled level to him, hovering about three feet from his knees and said, "Want to give it a go?"

"Sure," he said, and jumped off the wall. The other boy followed, touching his feet to the ground and holding out the broomstick.

"I know it's probably useless to tell you this," said Harry, "but be careful on that. It's a lot faster than a Cleansweep and you only just started."

Kakashi smiled. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Harry. I've moved faster than that Cleansweep on my feet before—I'm pretty sure I can take this."

"You've moved faster than a naught to sixty broomstick?" said Ron from the air. Kakashi flew up and the redhead passed him the Quaffle. "How's that possible?"

"Because I'm just that amazing," he said and experimentally threw the ball; Ron caught it, and chucked it back. "Though, a lot of people in Konoha can move faster than that—not faster than a Firebolt, though. Ready?"

"When you are."

.

"That's definitely Percy's handwriting," said Ron hours later as his brother's owl interrupted yet another argument between he and Hermione. The actual Quidditch practice had apparently been bad, and left Harry and Ron in terrible moods. Thankfully, he wasn't there for that mess, but back in the common room talking with Hermione about whether cats or dogs were better.

With the argument now forgotten, Hermione leaned over and said, "Open it!"

Harry nodded; Kakashi watched on warily as he unrolled the scroll. Even before he started reading, Ron had a scowl on his face, but it progressively got worse as his eyes went down. When he finished, he thrust it at the three of them. Luckily, Percy's handwriting looked like it came straight off a text book page, even more so than Hermione's, so he clearly read:

_Dear Ron, _

_ I have only just heard (from no less a person than the Minister of Magic himself, who has it from your new teacher, Professor Umbridge) that you have become a Hogwarts prefect. _

_ I was most pleasantly surprised when I heard this news and must firstly offer my congratulations. I must admit that I have always been afraid that you would take what we might call the "Fred and George" route, rather than following in my footsteps, so you can imagine my feelings on hearing you have stopped flouting authority and have decided to shoulder some real responsibility. _

_ But I want to give you more than congratulations, Ron, I want to give you some advice, which is why I am sending this at night rather than by the usual morning post. Hopefully you will be able to read this away from prying eyes and avoid awkward questions. _

_ From something the Minister let slip when telling me you are now a prefect, I gather that you are still seeing a lot of Harry Potter. I must tell you, Ron, that nothing could put you in danger of losing your badge more than continued fraternization with that boy. Yes, I am sure you are surprised to hear this—no doubt you will say that Potter has always been Dumbledore's favorite—but I feel bound to tell you that Dumbledore may not be in charge at Hogwarts much longer and the people who count have a very different—and probably more accurate—view of Potter's behavior. I shall say no more here, but if you look at the _Daily Prophet _tomorrow you will get a good idea of the way the wind is blowing—and see if you can spot yours truly!_

_ Seriously, Ron, you do not want to be tarred with the same brush as Potter, it could be very damaging to your future prospects, and I am talking here about life after school too. As you must be aware, given that our father escorted him to court, Potter had a disciplinary hearing this summer in front of the whole Wizengamot and he did not come out of it looking too good. He got off on a mere technicality if you ask me and many of the people I have spoken to remain convinced of his guilt._

_ It may be that you are afraid to sever ties with Potter—I know how he can be unbalanced and, for all I know, violent—but if you have any worries about this, or have spotted anything else in Potter's behavior that is troubling you, I urge you to speak to Dolores Umbridge, a really delightful woman, who I know will be only too happy to advice you._

_This leads me to my other bit of advice. As I have hinted above, Dumbledore's regime at Hogwarts may soon be over. Your loyalty, Ron, should be not in him, but to the school and to the Ministry. The Minister has told me that even now, he went so far as to invite an exchange student to study for a year at Hogwarts without clearing it with the Ministry, a boy that, according to Professor Umbridge, you are also acquainted with. I urge against this as well; from what I hear, he disrespected Professor Umbridge the first day of class, and while it may easily be explained as a culture shock, it may be in your best interest of stay clear if you want to keep your badge._

_ I am also very sorry to hear that so far Professor Umbridge is encountering very little cooperation from staff as she strives to make those necessary changes within Hogwarts that the Ministry so ardently desires (although she should find this easier from next week—again, see the _Prophet _tomorrow!). I shall say only this—a student who shows himself willing to help Professor Umbridge now may be very well placed for Head Boyship in a couple of years!_

_ I am very sorry that I was unable to see more of you over the summer. It pains me to criticize our parents, but I am afraid I can no longer live under their roof while they remain mixed up with the dangerous crowd around Dumbledore (if you are writing to Mother at any point, you might tell her that a certain Sturgis Podmore, who is a great friend of Dumbledore's, has recently been sent to Azkaban for trespass at the Ministry. Perhaps that will open their eyes to the kind of petty criminals with whom they are currently rubbing shoulders). I count myself very lucky to have escaped the stigma of associated with such people—the Minister really could not be more gracious to me—and I do hope, Ron, that you will not allow family ties to blind you to the misguided nature of our parents' beliefs and actions either. I sincerely hope that, in time, they will realize how mistaken they were and I shall, of course, be ready to accept a fully apology when that day comes. _

_ Please think over what I have said most carefully, particularly the bit about Harry Potter, and congratulations again on becoming prefect. _

_ Your brother, _

_ Percy_

Just as Kakashi finished, Harry said, "Well, if you want to—er—what is it?" He checked Percy's letter. "Oh yeah—'sever ties' with me, I swear I won't get violent."

Kakashi snickered. "I just love how he said to stay away from me because of I'm suffering from 'culture shock.' Ron, your brother's a bastard."

"Give it back," said Ron, holding out his hand and started tearing it to pieces. "He is the world's biggest _git. _You're right, Kakashi. He doesn't know what he's talking about." He threw the tiny shreds of parchment into the fire. "Come on, we've got to get this finished some time before dawn."

Then Hermione said, "Oh, give them here," which should be signal for the world to blow up because so far she needed to be begged for an hour basically doing their homework.

"What?" said Ron, apparently not comprehending it either.

"Give them to me, I'll look through them and correct them."

"Are you serious? Ah, Hermione, you're a lifesaver. What can I—"

"What you can say is, 'We promise we'll never leave our homework this late again,'" she answered as she held on essay in either hand. While the boy's were practicing, she and Kakashi already checked each other for mistakes, so, since he knew all the answers too, he took Harry's essay (he had neater handwriting) from her hand and went to correct it himself. Even if he didn't particularly care about these three, after a shocker like that, they deserved a bit of help.

Harry sat in an armchair and said, "Thanks a million, Hermione—oh, you're doing it?"

With a shrug, he answered, "Why not? That way she doesn't need to work all night either."

The boy gave him a small half-smile. "Thanks, Kakashi."

"Yes," Hermione said and she leaned down over Ron's, scanning for errors, "thank you."

"It's fine."

After a few minutes, Hermione and Ron were discussing his mistakes, but on Harry's, Kakashi found no glaring ones. Both his introduction and conclusion paragraphs were good, and those were the two Hermione said what the most important. "Just so you know, Harry," he said, turning around so he could give it to the boy, "Europa's covered in ice, not mice—what're you doing?"

Harry was on his knees in front of the hearth, staring intently at the flames.

"Er—Harry?" said Ron, worrying his bottom lip. "Why are you down there?"

"Because I've just seen Sirius' head in the fire," Harry answered.

"Sirius head?" said Hermione, which was exactly what Kakashi was thinking, though slightly more confused. "You mean like when he wanted to talk to you during the Triwizard Tournament? But he wouldn't do that now, it would be too—_Sirius_!"

Very few things in life could shock Kakashi to the point that he actually jumped a bit in surprise. Even here in Hogwarts, nothing got to him that much, because whenever he saw something he didn't understand, he just thought to himself _magic_, and there was his answer. But for some reason seeing a living head in a fire actually caused the rare, extremely embarrassing reaction; Sirius laughed.

"Sorry to scare you, Kakashi," he said, grinning. Then he addressed all of them with, "I was starting to think you'd go to bed before everyone else had disappeared. I've been checking every hour."

"You've been popping into the fire every hour?" asked Harry.

"Just for a few seconds to check if the coast was clear yet," he answered.

Hermione frowned and said, "But what if you'd be seen?"

"Well, I think a girl—first year by the look of her—might've got a glimpse of me earlier, but don't worry, I was gone the moment she looked at me," he said, "and I'll bet she just thought I was an oddly shaped log or something."

"But, Sirius, this is taking an awful risk—"

Sirius said, "You sound like Molly. This was the only way I could come up with answering Harry's letter and pass on a message to Kakashi without resorting to code—and codes are breakable."

"And you guys aren't exactly professional coders," he said at the same time Hermione said to Harry, "You didn't say you'd written to Sirius!"

The boy answered, "I forgot—don't look at me like that, Hermione, there was no way anyone would have got secret information out it, was there, Sirius?"

"No, it was very good," said Sirius and shot a glance at Kakashi, "for someone who doesn't make a career out of it."

"I—" Kakashi began.

"Anyway," he said, cutting him off, "Anyway, we'd better be quick, just in case we're disturbed—your scar."

"What about—" said Ron, and Kakashi again guiltily remembered forgetting to get the information from Dumbledore.

Hermione said, "We'll tell you afterwards, go on, Sirius."

"Well, I know it can't be fun when it hurts, but we don't think it's anything to worry about. It kept aching all last year, didn't it?"

"Yeah, and Dumbledore said it happened whenever Voldemort was feeling a powerful emotion," said Harry, and Kakashi listened more intently. No one told him about that. "So maybe he was just, I dunno, really angry or something the night I had detention."

"Well, now he's back it's bound to hurt more often," said Sirius.

"So you don't think it had anything to do with Umbridge touching me when I had detention with her?"

"I doubt it. I know her by reputation and I'm sure she's no Death Eater—"

"She's foul enough to be one," said Harry, prompting Ron and Hermione to nod and Kakashi added, "And enough of a bigot."

"Yes, but the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters," answered Sirius. "I know she's a nasty piece of work, though—you should hear Remus talk about her."

"Does Lupin know her?" asked Harry.

"No," said Sirius, "but she drafted a bit of anti-werewolf legislation two years ago that makes it almost impossible for him to get a job."

"What's she got against werewolves?" asked Hermione.

Kakashi turned to her and said, "Didn't you hear what she said in class about 'dangerous half-breed?' The woman's a bigot, like I said. Honestly, I think if Voldemort ever ends up seizing the Ministry, she'll be perfectly all right joining him, or eventually become a Death Eater anyway with a personality like that."

"I think you're right," said Sirius. "It's not just werewolves she has a thing against either—she campaigned to have the mer-people rounded up and tagged last year too—"

"And next she'll be campaigning for genocide or something," said Kakashi, shaking his head. "The woman just keeps getting worse."

Sirius nodded. "Steps of evil," he said, and even if Kakashi knew that there was no true evil or true good out there in the world (because as a shinobi, he got called everything from an angel to a monster, so he knew this grey area as fact), he had to agree. The woman had no redeemable qualities at all. "What're her lessons like? Is she training you all to kill half-breeds?"

"No," answered Harry. "She's not letting us use magic at all!"

"All we do is read the stupid textbook," added Ron.

"_Apparently_," said Kakashi, "no one out there in the world wants harm sweet little children at us. Sirius, why is the new Ministry curriculum doing theory-learning?"

"That's what I was going to tell you," he answered. "The other day, our informant from the inside the Ministry said that Fudge doesn't want you trained in combat."

As Kakashi laughed, Harry repeated, "_Trained in combat_? What does he think we're doing here, forming some sort of wizard army? And what's so funny?"

"Think about what I do and what I'm here for," said Kakashi. "That's just ironic."

"And that's exactly what he thinks you're doing," said Sirius, "or rather, that's what he's afraid Dumbledore's doing—forming his own private army, with which he will be able to take down the Ministry of Magic."

How fucking ironic.

Ron said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, including all the stuff that Luna Lovegood comes out with."

Rather than the boys' surprised reaction, Hermione looked furious. "So we're being prevented from learning Defense Against the Dark Arts because Fudge is scared we'll use spells against the Ministry?"

"Yep," answered Sirius. "Fudge thinks Dumbledore will stop at nothing to seize power. He's getting more paranoid about Dumbledore by the day. It's a matter of time before he has Dumbledore arrested on some trumped-up charge."

Trump-ed up? What the hell did that mean?

Harry, apparently having thought of Percy's letter, asked, "D'you know if there's going to be anything about Dumbledore in the _Daily Prophet _tomorrow? Only Ron's brother Percy reckons there will be—"

"It sounded more like it'd be about Umbridge than Dumbledore," said Kakashi, running his hand through his hair. "Have you heard anything?"

"I don't know," said Sirius, shaking his head. "I haven't seen anyone from the Order all weekend, they're all busy. It's just been Kreacher and me here…"

"So you haven't had any news about Hagrid, either?" said Harry and Kakashi suddenly became very interested in a burn mark on the carpet, because Hermione's eyes zoomed to him.

If they figured it out on their own, fine, but he wasn't going to be the one to tell them.

Sirius said, "Ah…well, he was supposed to be back by now, no one's sure what happened to him. But Dumbledore's not worried, so don't you three get yourselves in a state; I'm sure Hagrid's fine." Hermione's eyes went from Kakashi to Harry to Ron in a matter of a half a second. "Listen," Sirius added, "don't go asking too many questions about Hagrid, it'll just draw even more attention to the fact that he's not back, and I know Dumbledore doesn't want that. Hagrid's tough, he'll be okay." After a pause, he said, "When's your next Hogsmeade weekend anyway? I was thinking, we got away with the dog disguise at the station, didn't we? I was thought we could—"

"No," said Kakashi firmly, effectively cutting him off; Harry and Hermione looked on verge of yelling. Before Sirius could ask why he continued, "These three aren't my only charges, just my top priorities, so I'm heading up to Hogsmeade with them. Hogsmeade, as a village, is a hell of a lot more open than Hogwarts for attack, which means I need to be _in town _and if you come, Harry, Ron, and Hermione'll have to wonder off, and I refuse to let that happen."

"Bu—"

"I'm not halting my job so you and Harry can have a reunion," he said, crossing his arms. "Sorry to both of you, but Sirius, even if it isn't technically part of my job, I'd really like to avoid having you be recognized and thrown in Azkaban, and Harry, you can wait 'til Christmas—End of discussion, Sirius. At the moment, I get the final word, and that's a no, understood?"

Though he didn't say anything, the man gave a jerky nod, and Kakashi found himself very thankful for his authoritative ability, because he just stopped a potential argument before it could even start. Sirius seemed angry, but the three kids seemed relieved.

"I'll write to tell you a time I can make it back into the fire, then, shall I?" he asked, and Harry nodded. "All right. G'night then."

There was a chorus of goodbyes, and with a _pop_, Sirius' head disappeared. Kakashi stood and stretched. "I'm done with everything, so I'm heading out for the night. You three going to bed?"

"Yeah," said Ron, looking away from the fire and standing as well, quickly followed by Harry and Hermione. "I'm exhausted."

"Well, goodnight," said Hermione when they stood at landing of the two staircases. Then to Kakashi she added, "And you, we might have History of Magic, but don't wear yourself out too much, because an hour of sleep won't do you much good."

"I won't, I won't," he said. As she nodded and headed upstairs, he added, "I'll see you in the morning."

The three boys headed up their staircase in silence and once they were inside the dormitory, Ron gave a sleepy goodnight and made a beeline for his pajama drawer. Harry hung back though, just for a moment, and gave Kakashi a barely audible, "Thank you."

Then Rin said, _Face it, they're your friends. _

"I was just doing my job."

And for the first time: _You know what, Rin? Maybe you're right. _

.

"You wanted to see me again, sir?"

Once again, Kakashi found himself standing in front of his client in hand-me-down pajamas, and knew he should feel like a fool, but was too damn tired to care. After all, the headmaster had never actually seen him in his uniform so _anything _was informal—pajamas were just particularly embarrassing.

Dumbledore's mouth was set in a line of strict disapproval, bordering on angry. His finger tips were pressed together and Kakashi had a distinct feeling that if Dumbledore had ever been trained as a ninja, his killing intent would be damn scary. He nodded and gravely answered, "Cornelius Fudge has again invoked power over Hogwarts."

Because of Percy's letter last night, this really didn't surprise him. "What can Umbridge do now?" he asked.

"You know of the Educational Decree that Cornelius set during the summer," said Dumbledore, "even if it's not by name. In this 'Educational Decree' it was stated that if a position at Hogwarts is not filled within the time of deadline—at the time one month—then the Ministry could choose the new instructor."

"Which is how you ended up with Umbridge."

He adjusted how he was sitting in his seat and held down a wince; though he wasn't planning on telling Dumbledore or anyone else, he overexerted himself a little during training, causing the mark to flare up in pain again. Even if the worst if it had gone down, it was still a little sore, and this was not how he wanted to have a meeting at all. Dumbledore's calculating gaze suddenly turned sharper, and Kakashi was fully aware that the man knew more than he was letting on. At the moment though, Kakashi was still stubborn enough not to kill his pride.

Yet, anyway.

"Yes," said the man, eyes still scanning him. "Yes, unfortunately, and now a new Decree has been passed, and Dolores Umbridge has been named High Inquisitor.

"Now I know the term is unfamiliar to you, as it's not one you're likely to come across in a textbook. Or so I assume. Is this correct?" Reluctantly, Kakashi nodded. "As I thought. Now, a High Inquisitor is one who may inspect others for failings, as well as given the ability to pass more Decrees without running it through the Minister.

"I am powerless to stop this, as my high standing and excellent reputation has fallen as fast as the Ministry's common sense." Now _that _was unexpected; the entire statement was said with no malice at all. From a man who never received emotional training, the tone was surprisingly well crafted. "Dolores now has the power to inspect my teachers and sack them if she deems necessary, and give the school changes as she sees fit. Simply put, she is given a status only slightly less than my own, and above Minerva's. The Minister is coming very close to make me take a temporarily leave of absence. Which is what we need to discuss."

"Continue, sir," Kakashi said when there was a moment of silence. Dumbledore nodded and sighed wearily.

"As you know, I'm your employer," he said, "the one who signed the contract. In all technicality, this means that if I am forced out, the contract is then broken and you are free to return to Konoha. But I know you're a smart enough boy to figure out how your specific services were offered to me."

Oh, yes, Orochimaru. The man who quite effectively ruined his life.

_C'mon_, said Obito, _that's kinda drastic. _

_ Oh really? How so?_

_ Rin told me you agreed with her last night. _

_ Yeah—well—it isn't—_

_ Aw, my little Kakashi is growing up. _

"Excuse me," said Dumbledore politely, causing Obito to abruptly disappear. "I know this dilemma must be a lot to take in, but I would really like you to eat at least a bit of toast after last night, and we're running short on time."

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "I just—well, I guess I'm trying to figure how what I'm going to do. You're right, through a technicality I can leave the moment you leave, but like you, Hokage-sama is pretty well aware of my intelligence level and probably won't be too pleased for me to show up before Orochimaru can be killed or at least temporarily neutralized." _Think fast_, he told himself, even if it was useless because he was trying anyway. "I _think _I came up with something if you want a contract to stay to make my continuation of the mission official, but I'll let you know now that I'll stay regardless. I'm in too deep now to pull out; I suppose you could say it's against my moral code."

_Whoa, talk about babbling. _

_ Obito, please, not now. _

_ Sorry. _

Again, Dumbledore nodded, and the pause was perfectly timed for Kakashi's half-second conversation to end. "While I'm very pleased to hear this, I find it in the best interest of both of us for various reasons that we keep this official. Alastor's trust in you is thin, and I believe he would not hesitate is force that technicality." Kakashi's mouth twisted in a scowl. "I'm terribly sorry about that, but I'm not quite sure Alastor trusts anyone at all.

"Anyway, we have temporarily left the topic. I see that this is really the only situation, which means we both came to the same conclusion: we get someone else to co-sign the contract along with my name."

"And I'll co-sign alone with Hokage-sama's," he said, because, yes, it was the same solution. "I'm not actually sure if it's written anywhere that we can do this, but I know that it's not written anywhere that we _can't_, and I've learned that sometimes exploiting loopholes can be useful and the right action for the mission to succeed at its full potential."

_Damn, I taught you well_, said Obito, and Kakashi effectively ignored him.

"Oh, excellent," said Dumbledore. "Now, we face the question of who becomes my co-signer. Minerva, of course, is the ideal choice, but as a member of the Hogwarts and my known close friend, she is under as much risk as I am. I believe we should be looking outside the perimeters of Hogwarts. Any preference on your end?"

"Kingsley," he answered instantly, having already thought through the situation. "He's involved in the Ministry, but isn't associated with you and Fudge trusts him. I'd say Remus or Sirius, but one's a convicted conflict and the other also has the possibility of having something done to him if Umbridge manages to get a legislation through. She's the reason he's having such a hard time getting a job, right? Sirius told me that over the summer when they found out she was the teacher."

With another sigh, Dumbledore answered, "And he's right, unfortunately. You make a fair point with Kingsley, though, so I will contact him immediately. Is that everything, or is there something else you wish to discuss?"

_He knows about the mark. _

Still, he lied. "No, sir. I better be going, though, if I'm going to get that toast."

The man smiled benignly. "Very true. Enjoy your day, then, Kakashi."

He stood and gave a short bow. "You too, sir. Goodbye."

Breakfast time was almost over, and he needed to talk to the three who undoubtedly saw the information just given to him in the _Prophet_ by now. So, when he was outside Dumbledore's door, instead of walking or running, he flew through the hand seals for a Shunshin and reappeared in the empty dormitory. He changed quickly, throwing on a pair of robes and pulling the bandages off his face before tying his forehead protector. Then he went through the hand seals again, ending up in the empty classroom he, Harry, Ron, and Hermione used a week earlier. He slipped outside and entered the Great Hall, coming up quietly behind the—_your, _said Rin—friends to detract from any attention from anyone else. He slipped into the seat next to Ron, the _Daily Prophet _laid out in front of Hermione, the article about Umbridge opened.

.

"Oh, this horrible!" she said, turning to him as he sat down. "Umbridge has been declared—"

"The High Inquisitor," finished Kakashi, reaching over and taking some buttered toast. "I know, I just got out of a meeting." Before any of them could ask what took him so long if it was just about the article, he quickly added, "Half of it was just explaining to me what a High Inquisitor _was. _I hate this whole second language thin—What?"

Unlike Harry and Hermione who seemed absolutely terrified, Ron was grinning broadly. He answered, "Oh, I can't wait to see McGonagall inspected. Umbridge won't know what's hit her."

Hermione stood and said, "Well, come on, we'd better get going, if she's inspecting Binns' class we don't want to be late…Kakashi, just eat on the way."

They hurried off to class, but she wasn't there. Instead, like every day, Binns' floated through the blackboard uninterrupted. Honestly, though, he couldn't see how he could get in trouble at all—he was only slightly less boring than she was. About ten minutes into class without the stress of Umbridge there, those three sleepless nights of rigorous training caught up on him and he lay his head down in his arms and promptly fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the delayed update! AP English is murder, for one, and for another, I just got my wisdom teeth out. So, it basically means that I'm on very strong pain meds. Yes, this was written when my brain was so messed up I could barely think. I had to take a _Hamlet _test like this! With a timed essay!

Ehem. Anyway. Sorry about that.

Also, I want reviews! I got like sixteen for chapter six and barely any for seven and either. I like reviews. They make me happy. And I know for a fact that I have exactly (as of an hour ago) 208 watchers. You guys make me sad. :(

Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious that my brain's still fucked up.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Nine

After getting Hogwarts' grading system fully explained to him, Kakashi was dragged off to the kitchens with his (god, that felt weird to say) friends, Ron having apparently deciding that he didn't want to eat English food today. Not that Kakashi was complaining; eating some of his food for lunch felt a lot better than eating it as an extremely late-night dinner.

"I wish we had some of your food here," said the redhead, eating shumai as they walked to Divination, taking secret passage ways to avoid any strange looks from other students. At the tapestry of Bernard the Bearded, they split away from Hermione who needed to go to Arithmancy. "Or at least that Hogwarts served it at dinner every once in a while."

"Have you tried the desserts yet?" Kakashi asked as he quickly ate the last of his tamago; they were nearing the end of their shortcut. Harry and Ron shook their heads. "Next time we go down there, ask for dango or strawberry daifuku."

"And when we go to Hogsmeade," said Harry, "we'll bring you to the sweets' shop and you can try some more Wizarding candy."

"Deal," he said, and the left the secret passage way, entering the corridor a little beyond Sir Cadogan's portrait. "When's the first trip again?"

Ron shrugged and they reached the trapped door. "We don't know yet. It'll be posted on the bulletin board about a week beforehand, though I'm guessing sometime around Halloween. You'll love it."

They took a seat at their usual table, waiting for Trelawney to do something. "It'll be nice to get off the castle grounds for a day," said Kakashi, running his fingers through his hair.

"What's today?" asked Harry suddenly.

"The ninth," answered Ron. "Why?"

"Your birthday's on Saturday," he said, looking to Kakashi, who held back a groan. He hated his birthday! In a low enough voice that no one else could hear over all the chattering, he added, "You'll be fourteen, right?"

"Blimey, I keep forgetting you're so young," said Ron, causing him to scowl. "Sorry, mate, but you _are _about a year younger than us. Two years younger than Hermione. Her birthday's the eighteenth."

He had a feeling asking why birthdays were such a big deal here wasn't such a good idea; it'd be more questions to answer when they asked why he didn't like celebrating his own. "Oh," he said, unable to think of anything else. "I—oh, goddamnit."

"What?" said Ron, but Kakashi didn't need to answer.

Unfortunately, it turned out Umbridge was inspecting class today; Kakashi felt the chakra signature before she even showed up. The moment she entered the trapped door, the chattering classroom fell silent, every eye turned to her. To Trelawney, who was passing out copies of _Dream Oracle_, she said, "Good afternoon, Professor Trelawney. You received my note, I trust? Giving the time and date of your inspection."

Their professor gave a very McGonagall-like nod and Umbridge took a seat in the back, extracting a clipboard. Then Trelawney said, "We'll be continuing our study of prophetic dreams today. Divide into groups, please, and interpret each other's latest nighttime visions with aids of the _Oracle._"

First she went to head back to her desk, but took a quick turn to the left towards her two fan girls. Kakashi flipped open his book, glancing at Umbridge every few minutes. For a while all she did was sit and take notes, but eventually she stood up and started walking around, following Trelawney. Harry, who'd been watching her, too, suddenly looked back down at his book and said to Ron, "Think of a dream, quick, in case the old toad comes our way."

"I did it last time," said Ron. "Kakashi, you do it."

Oddly enough, he actually had one—or one that wasn't a nightmare away. Talk about convenience. "I had a dream this guy I know kept trying to convince me to wear green spandex and orange leg warmers," he said, twirling his feathered quill in one hand, "but we were in the dormitory here, not back in Konoha Academy, and Lavender was trying to explain why he was the worst dressed person in the world while drinking butterbeer and eating a butterfly shaped biscuit." Both boys stared at him. "What? I get weird dreams when I haven't slept in days."

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "Okay, so when did you have this?"

"History of Magic, of course." And he woke up extremely confused, wondering what the hell just went through his head. But at least that wasn't as weird as his last haven't-slept-in-days dream, which involved Tsunade doing an interpretive dance while being yelled at by a giant tree about something-or-another and the Sandaime telling her she needed to eat more lemons if she ever wanted to be a good swimmer. This was the thing about dreams: they made no damn sense. Nightmares did, but dreams…not so much. Then he added, "This morning."

Umbridge continued stalking around the room. Ron said, "Okay, now what planets were aligned?"

"Like I know," he answered. "Make something up."

"Venus and Mars," said Ron, scribbling it down. "We need to add your age to the date of you had the dream, the number of letters in the subject…Would that be this guy's name, 'spandex,' or 'Lavender?'" Kakashi shrugged. "Okay, then let's make it the name. What is it?"

"Gai."

"No, I mean the bloke's _name._"

"That is his name. Gai. Maito Gai."

"What the—" Again, Kakashi shrugged. In Konoha, 'guy' wasn't a word, so naming a boy 'Gai' wasn't strange—in fact, it was probably one of the most common names of the generation before him. The Maitos were just a little behind the times, apparently, since the boy wasn't too much older than he was, and as a recent (_extremely_ recent) chuunin, had no right to deem the two rivals. On the other side of room, before he could say anything, he picked up Umbridge's voice, finally directed to Trelawney.

"Now," she said, "you've been in this post how long, exactly?"

"Nearly sixteen years."

"Quite a period." Some clipboard scribbling. "So it was Professor Dumbledore who appointed you?"

"That's right."

"And you are the great-granddaughter of the celebrated seer Cassandra Trelawney?" she asked.

Trelawney answered, "Yes."

"But I think—correct me if I am mistaken—that you are the first in your family since Cassandra to be possessed by the Second Sight?"

"These things tend to—er—skip three generations."

Umbridge smiled and Kakashi dearly wished he'd made that long distance kill two weeks ago at the feast. "Of course," she said, scribbling. "Well, if you could just predict something for me, then?"

Trelawney's posture suddenly straightened. "I don't understand you," she said.

"I'd like you to make a prediction for me."

Well, this was going to be messy. By now, the entire class was watching; Lavender and Pavarti looked flat-out terrified. "The Inner Eye does not See upon command!"

"I see."

More damn scribbling.

"I—but—but…_wait_!" Her usually whimsical voice had turned shaky. "I…I think I _do _see something…something that concerns _you_…Why, I sense something…something dark…some grave peril…" And with a really annoyed Kakashi in the room, that wasn't so far-fetched. "I am afraid…I am afraid that you are in grave danger!"

After a moment where she did absolutely nothing but stare at Trelawney, Umbridge finally said, "Right. Well, if that's really the best you can do." Then she swept out of the room, leaving a silent classroom behind her.

A half hour later, when the three boys entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and explained what happened to Hermione, they discovered Umbridge humming and smiling to herself. Yeah, Trelawney had no hope whatsoever. Even if she was a fraud, she didn't need to be fired, considering that Dumbledore probably would've done that years ago. Though he was kind nearly to a fault, Kakashi couldn't see him keeping around a bad teacher without reason; Umbridge was forced on him, so she didn't count.

"Wands away," she said before Hermione had a chance to ask them any more questions. "As we finished chapter one last lesson, I would like you all to turn to page nineteen today and commence chapter two, 'Common Defensive Theories and Their Derivation.' There will be no need to talk."

Again, Kakashi had absolutely nothing to do. After reading the book two times, he refused to do it again, instead doodling, trying to figure out what else he could draw besides trees. As it turned out, he was basically talentless in every area of artistic technique.

_Hermione's being stupid_, said Rin and he looked over to see the girl raising her hand two seats down. Damn, right beyond poking distance. Next time he was putting himself between her and Harry to make his life easier. Rather than call on Hermione from her desk, Umbridge stood up and walked over before quietly asking, "What is it this time, Miss Granger?"

"I've already read chapter two," she answered.

"Well, then proceed to chapter three."

"I've read that too. I've read the whole book."

Umbridge blinked, as if _two _students having already read the boring thing was completely incomprehensible. "Well, then, you should be able to tell me what Slinkhard says about counterjinxes in chapter fifteen."

"He says that counterjinxes are improperly named," answered Hermione. "He says 'counterjinx' is just a name people give their jinxes when they want to make them sound more acceptable." Yes, because the man was ridiculous and didn't seem to know what the word _defense _actually meant. "But I disagree."

Umbridge repeated, "You disagree?"

"Yes, I do." Despite Umbridge's best efforts, the entire class was attracted to the conversation, as Hermione wasn't whispering. "Mr. Slinkhard doesn't like jinxes, does he? But I think they can be very useful when they're used defensively."

And they could be very useful in offense, too, but it wasn't like anyone was going to point that out in a classroom.

"Oh, you do, do you? Well, I'm afraid it is Mr. Slinkhard's opinion, and not yours, that matters within this classroom, Miss Granger."

"But—"

"That is enough," said Umbridge, walking back over to the front of the class. "Miss Granger, I am going to take five points from Gryffindor House."

Angry mumbling broke out and before Harry could say anything, Kakashi jabbed him lightly in the side with his elbow and said under his breath, "Do _anything _and I'm going straight to Dumbledore, remember? So keep your mouth shut." Harry abruptly closed his mouth and slumped back into his seat.

At least that was one problem temporarily solved.

.

Later that week the Gryffindor fifth years were gifted with the treat of Umbridge and McGonagall in the same room, which basically meant it was finally time to watch the woman get her dignity sapped very quickly away from her.

Seeing this, Ron broke into a smile as they took their usual seats and said, "Excellent. Let's see Umbridge get what she deserves."

Before anyone else could say anything, Minerva entered the room without so much as looking at the woman in the back of the room. "That will do," she said, causing the students to fall silent. "Mr. Finnigan, kindly come here and hand back the homework—Miss Brown, please take this box of mice—don't be silly girl, they won't hurt you—and hand one to each student—"

Then Umbridge cleared her throat in that same '_hem, hem_' way she did back when she interrupted Dumbledore the first day of school. Again, Minerva completely ignored her.

As the homework was being handed back, she continued, "Right then, everyone, listen closely—Dean Thomas, if you do that to the mouse again I shall put you in detention—most of you have now successfully vanished your snails and even those who were left with a certain amount of shell have the gist of the spell. Today we shall be—"

She was cut off by Umbridge, again, clearing her throat.

"_Yes_?" she said, rounding on the High Inquisitor.

Umbridge said, "I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you of the date and time of your inspec—"

"Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom," she said before turning back around. "As I was saying, today we shall be practicing the altogether more difficult vanishment of mice. Now, the Vanishing Spell—"

For the third time, Umbridge did her girlish throat-clearing thing. Hadn't she heard of a simple 'excuse me?'

As she turned back around again, Minerva said, "I wonder how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I'm talking." Then Umbridge had a look on her face reminiscent a person who just had a kunai stuck his or her throat. For a moment, he and Minerva made eye contact, so he sent her a short, congratulatory smile because hell, that deserved it. "As I was saying, the Vanishing Spell does become more difficult with the complexity of the animal to be vanished. The snail, as an invertebrate, does not present much of a challenge; the mouse, as a mammal, offers a much greater one. This is not, therefore, magic you can accomplish with your mind on dinner. So—you know the incantation, let me see what you can do…"

For Kakashi, this wasn't much of a challenge at all; he mastered this on his first try back during the summer when Tonks taught it to him, just like he mastered every other spell of the fifth year on his first or second try. Currently, when he wasn't training, in class, or around students other than Harry, Hermione, or the Weasleys, he was now practicing above seventh-year spells. The only one he found that he hadn't tried yet (mostly because he was a little apprehensive of the result) was the Patronus. Hm, maybe he should try that after dinner…

At the end of class, Kakashi nudged Harry, who nudged Ron, who nudged Hermione, so they could all eavesdrop while the two teachers talked.

Umbridge asked, "How long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?"

"Thirty-nine years this December," said Minerva, collected her things and shutting her bag. Umbridge scribbled on her clipboard.

"Very well," she said, "you will receive the results of your inspection in ten days' time."

"I can hardly wait," said Minerva dryly before turning and heading out the door. "Hurry up, you four," she added, spotting them. Again, Kakashi gave her a very small smile which this time she returned.

Unfortunately, their next class was another one inspected, and turned out to be not nearly as entertaining. It was Care of Magical Creatures with the substitute, though from what his friends told him about Hagrid, he supposed she was a better person to inspect and still keep her job.

"You do not usually take this class, is that correct?" Umbridge asked as the class drew up to the bowtruckle table.

"Quite correct," said Professor Grubbly-Plank. "I am a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."

"Hmm. I wonder," she said, "the headmaster seems strangely reluctant to give me any information on the matter—can _you _tell me what is causing Professor Hagrid's extended absence?"

"'Fraid I can't. Don't know anything more about it than you do. Got an owl from Dumbledore, would I like a couple of weeks teaching work, accepted—that's as much as I know. Well...shall I get started then?"

As she began to wander among the students, Kakashi said the Harry, "Just because we aren't in her class doesn't mean you can say anything."

"I know," answered Harry, mouth turning down into a scowl, "just like I _know _she's going to say something."

After a very long interrogation of the students, all of whom were able to properly answer her questions, Umbridge returned to Professor Grubbly-Plank. "Overall," she said, "how do you, as a temporary member of staff—an objective outside, I suppose you might say—how do you find Hogwarts? Do you feel you receive enough support from school management?"

_God, it's like she's taunting everyone with exactly how fake she is_, said Rin.

_I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before. _

_ It doesn't matter, it's true! She's about as real as an action figure of a bad guy. _

_ …What?_

_ Oh, nevermind. Of course _you _never played with action figures, but the rest of us did!_

_ Uchihas aren't allowed to play with anything other than weaponry and scrolls. _

_ Aw, poor Obito. _

_ Okay, now that the two of you are caught in a childhood nostalgia loop, can I go?_

_ No, no, no! Stay!_

_ Way to sound needy, Obito. Kakashi-kun, do whatever you want. _

_ Yeah, yeah, whatever. You always pick his side. _

_ Okay, I'm heading out now. _

The two continued bickering in his head, which he supposed wasn't a good sign, but it was a hell of a lot more entertaining than watching Harry steadily get angrier as Umbridge started questioning the Slytherins about Hagrid. Every few seconds she'd glance back at him, just waiting for the opportunity to give him a detention, but apparently repeated pokes to the side were enough to shut him up.

After she was done with questioning the Slytherins, she said, "Well, thank you very much, Professor Grubbly-Plank, I think that's all I need here. You will be receiving the results of your inspection within ten days."

"Jolly good," said the substitute, and that was the end of it.

.

"Is everything all right?" asked Kakashi on Friday as he showed up at eleven thirty to the common room, finding it empty of everyone but Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Despite the earliness of the hour, he was exhausted, and again over did it during training, hence coming back so early. Hermione jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around, letting out a sign of relief when she saw it was just him. He tried to ignore the twinge of pain coming from his shoulder. "What's going on?"

"They want me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Harry yelled, pointing at his friends. When Kakashi didn't answer right away, he added, "Behind the teachers' backs."

Unsurprised, he answered, "So?

Harry's hand lowered. "Y-you aren't going to say no?"

"Why should I?" He flopped down in an arm chair. "Seriously, think about it. I'm supposed to be protecting the students, right? The easiest way to protect people is to teach them at least some semblance of how to protect themselves."

"That doesn't mean I should teach it!"

"From the sound of it, you're the only one who can." He shrugged. "You're the one who went up against this Voldemort guy, and while I might have more experience out in the battlefield, you're the one who has the experience against the man the overall fight's going to be against."

"But—"

"Dumbledore gave me permission to make my own judgment calls," he said. "Mind, I don't really know if he'd be expecting this, but still. My judgment is that this isn't such a bad idea."

"Everything I did was just lucky," said Harry, crossing his arms. "Or I had help."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Luck or no luck, you survived, and that's what matters."

"Exactly!" said Hermione, abruptly joining in. "Harry, you're the best in our year when it comes to Defense Against the Dark Arts! And you know what it's like out there. That counts for something."

Ron added, "You were saying before how we don't know what it's like fighting him, mate, and you're right, which is why the person who _does _know what it's like should be the teacher."

"No one's going to want to go anyway," said Harry, steadily getting angrier. "You hear the way they talk about me."

"Give it a chance, Harry," said Hermione. "Professor Umbridge is horrible, and this is the only way to put an end to it. It's important. Possibly the most important thing about this year. We need to learn. Even Kakashi agrees."

When looked to for verification, he nodded. Damnit, his shoulder hurt. "Yeah, you can do this—on one condition."

"What is it?" asked Ron as Harry said, "I haven't even agreed yet!"

"You listen to me," Kakashi answered. "If I tell you something's a bad idea, it's a bad idea. Teaching's left up to Harry—"

"But—"

"Shut up. Anyway, teaching's left up to Harry, but you have to keep in mind this'll be a secret."

"We can keep secrets," said Ron indignantly. He shook his head.

"Not these kinds of secrets," he said. "I'm one of the top ranking members in Konoha's black-ops—basically your Aurors times a hundred—so trust me when I say, _I know what I'm doing._ Now, Harry, are you going to do it, or let Umbridge take over the school?"

Harry threw his hands up in the air, which meant Kakashi held enough sway to get his consent, that final opinion on top of his friends arguments. "Fine, I'll do it. No one'll show up, but I'll do it on the slim chance someone does. Any ideas on how to get started?"

After a moment of silence where the four just sort of looked at each other blankly, Hermione offered an idea. "We could do it at Hogsmeade. Not in the Three Broomsticks of course, since the teachers as well as the students go there, but I'm sure we'll find a place."

"As long as it's still in town," Kakashi said. "And as much as it's beneficial for _me _to be in the Three Broomsticks, if we're planning what's basically an underground training society, then it probably wouldn't be such a good idea for me to be in view of teachers. Dumbledore might've given me permission to make my own judgment calls, but I'm not sure if anyone else'll agree with those terms."

Before Harry's mounting anger could finally come to an explosion, Ron suddenly said, "Hey, it's midnight!"

_Midnight_? Kakashi thought. _What's so special about—_

"Happy birthday, Kakashi!" said Hermione, thankfully not hugging him.

_Oh dear god, no. _

Then his head was filled with cackles of laughter from his two best friends, and he promptly decided that he hated his life. More than before.

"Thanks," he answered, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, and hoping he didn't look all that horrified.

All frustration and anger seemed to be forgotten; at least his birthday was good for something. "Feels weird that you're just fourteen," said Harry. "I keep forgetting because you're in our year."

Kakashi shrugged. "If you hadn't said anything, I probably would've forgotten about it until I checked the calendar again."

"We've got presents for you," said Hermione, looking absolutely delighted with the whole thing. Oh, how he hated today. He didn't want gifts or to be congratulated just because he was _born_. So what? He was one in how many to be born? Even off the top of his head, he could think of two other people born September fifteenth, too, and there were probably more—shinobi didn't traditionally advertise their birthday, and he only knew about the other two because they were civilians. And even they didn't really care all that much. Birthdays just weren't a big deal in Konoha, simple as that. Sure, the Hokages' birthdays were turned into festival days, but they were the _Hokages_, which meant they were a pretty big deal.

So what was the point?

"Thanks," he repeated, trying to think of the last time he received a present for his birthday from someone other than Minato, who usually gave him either a weapon or food.

_I made eggplant soup the day you turned ten, _said Rin. _I would've given it to you, but—_

_ I told you I was sorry! _interrupted Obito.

_Oh yeah, Minato was telling me about that. Didn't you—_

_ Yeah, yeah, I fell on because I was running. And it hurt! _

Rin giggled. _We told you the wrong time by like three hours so he was there…but he thought he was late._

_ Which is why I was running! You could've just said it was for Kakashi's birthday!_

_ I—_

"How do you celebrate birthdays back in Konoha?" asked Hermione.

"I—"

He paused, abruptly realizing that there was no point in lying. They knew he wasn't from some school, they knew his culture was drastically different, and they legitimately liked him. Really, there was no reason to lie at all. So why even bother? Was he really that used to dishonesty that he felt the need to use it even in illogical situations?

But more to the point, why did he care?

Regardless of whether or not there was a point in caring (which there wasn't), he figured he might as well tell the truth because there was no reason not to, and said, "We don't. Or I don't anyway. But in general we don't make a big deal out of it."

Their smiles weakened. "Why not?" asked Ron, and Kakashi had a feeling this was the worst culture shock he'd experienced so far. Well, except for the fact that a ghost could teach and _somehow _grade papers.

He shrugged, deciding that he didn't need to be totally honest and could easily omit some of the truth, because he was just more comfortable that way. "No point," he said, which was true, before adding the half lie of: "I've been on missions pretty much ever birthday since I was seven, and even back then, gifts were mostly weapons or some new technique—and once a stuffed animal, but I was too young to remember that."

The three got over their shock quickly. Ron said, "Well, then this year we're going to _make_ you celebrate it. The proper way."

Yeah, whatever the hell that meant; it sounded strangely ominous. "Okay," he said, knowing it would be better to just grin and bear it rather than argue. But that didn't mean he was going to back down completely. He added, "But you aren't going to mention this to _anyone. _I'm assuming your siblings know, but I don't want the other Gryffindors to remember, since I was stupid enough to let it slip the first day."

Hermione smiled and sat down on the arm of his chair. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with us. Besides the Weasleys, Harry, and I, I think Lee Jordan knows and that's all." Lee Jordan, the twins' best friend. That wouldn't be too much of a problem, since he'd be bound to find out anything simply through friendship relations anyway. "In the morning, we'll tell them to keep it quiet."

"And they will?" he said doubtfully, arching one eyebrow. Ron nodded. "Okay. And, uh, with the present thing, please leave it out of the dorm—"

"We can go get them now," said Harry. Before Kakashi could throw in his opinion, the boy looked to Ron and said, "C'mon. Kakashi, stay here, we'll be right back."

"Just hold on," said Hermione, already disappearing around the corner, the boys leaving as well a moment after, going up the opposite staircase.

Now that he was alone, he let out a sigh of relief, slumping back further against the fluffy back of the chair. The pain in his shoulder was finally dulling, making him feel a little less tense. Since they agreed not to make a big deal out of it, doing something for his birthday wasn't going to be terrible like he feared. Annoying as fuck, and completely unnecessary, sure, but he knew when he went into this mission that he had to act normal. And even if he did explain that he never really celebrated it back home, he knew he just had to deal with it.

_That wasn't so bad_, said Obito, and he sounded mildly surprised.

_No, it wasn't_, he acknowledged. _They're more…something. _

_ Accepting?_

_ I guess. Nonjudgmental, I think is more than I was looking for. _

_ As in, they don't think you're a freak?_

_ Yeah. I don't know. More nonjudgmental than I expected. _

_ Which is a good thing. _

_ Obviously. I don't think a lot of other people in this school are like that, though. _

_ Seems like just the way they grew up. _

_ That's what I was thinking. _

_ You know, they kind of remind me of me, you and Rin. _

_ Really? _

_ Yeah. Band of misfits and all that. Hermione's the genius, so she's you—_

_ Harry's stuck with expectations he has to live up to—_

_ So he's me. And Ron's a Weasley who lives outside the norm for his family's status. Rin. _

Though the thought crossed his mind that the three were sort of like a team, he never really drew that particular connection. But Obito had a point. Sure, Hermione was more social and not quite his level, but the truth remained the same: she was the smart one. Unfortunately, she was made fun of for it rather than looked up because of it, but that was probably what made her more tolerant about differences in people, specifically loners. Harry came into Hogwarts with the expectations of greatness from the very beginning, but stayed a distinctly average student. Even if those expectations didn't come in the same way that Obito's did, he still had to deal with what everyone wanted him to be versus what he actually was, just like how Obito was an average-skill shinobi when everyone thought all Uchihas were supposed to be prodigies (Kakashi included). And Ron was the type of pureblood called a blood-traitor by most other families of the same blood status, though it wasn't just him and rather than family on a whole (minus Percy); Rin's family was entirely civilians while she decided to train.

Yes, the similarities were most certainly there.

"I'm back," said Hermione breathlessly, suddenly in front of him. He'd been caught up in his own thoughts to the point he hadn't noticed her before. A lumpy-looking something was wrapped in paper in her hands. "Where are Ron and—Oh, here they are."

Like Hermione, they also held wrapped gifts in their hands. Considering how often he'd been with them, when did they have time to get these and wrap them? During all those meetings with Dumbledore or at night when he was training? It was possible.

"Here you go," said Harry first, holding it out to him. He accepted it, feeling a box and instantly smelling food. When he tore it open, he discovered strawberry daifuku, one of the few dessert-types he actually liked. "I remembered you saying strawberry something that day we went before Divination. I asked Dobby and he knew what I was talking about, so the house-elves made it. Did I get it right?"

"Yeah," he said, blinking in surprise. "Yeah, you did. When did you get this?"

"Um, about two hours ago," he answered. "I went down while you were training."

"Thanks," he said, reclosing the as Hermione shoved her own gift out to him. He opened it up and discovered a long red scarf. Again, he said, "Thanks. Did you make this?"

Nodding, she answered, "I know it isn't the best, but you're always so cold and we're going off to Hogsmeade soon, so I thought you could use it."

"It's great," he answered, not caring that the end was a little lopsided. It was soft in his hands and definitely warm. God, did accepting gifts feel weird. He hadn't had anything given to him since he became a jounin; on his thirteenth birthday, Konoha was already under the threat of the Kyuubi and as Hokage and a man with a baby on the way, Minato hadn't exactly had time to get or make him anything. Then he smiled a little, because she still looked anxious. "Hermione, I think you should make scarves rather than hats; this is considerably better." Her face flushed and Ron held out his.

"I sent some money to Mum," he said as Kakashi opened it, "because I can't make anything and Harry was already getting you food."

Inside the box revealed small, red leather bound notebook and a quill from the feather of a bird he didn't recognize. Underneath them was a note, unlike Harry and Hermione's. Curious, he pulled out, and was annoyed to see that again, it was in unreadable handwriting. After a moment of staring at it, wondering what to do, Ron took it out of his hands without a word and read:

"_Dear, Kakashi,_

_ Ron said to get you something to draw with in class, and I found this in Flourish and Blots the other day when I went to Diagon Alley. It's a silent-writing quill (I disapprove of doodling in class, so I hope he appreciates that I got this anyway) from him and a book so you don't need to scribble all over the paper you're supposed to be taking down class notes with from Arthur and I. I hope you also find this useful when you go back home, though perhaps for means other than distracting yourself from learning. _

_ Happy birthday, dear,_

_ Molly and Arthur_

"I thought you'd could use it in Defense Against the Dark Arts," he said, face as red as Hermione's was before. "This way Umbridge definitely won't hear you. Guess I should've told Mum you have trouble reading cursive, though."

"Thanks," he said, then held up the quill. "What type of bird is this?"

"A golden pheasant," Hermione answered as Ron shrugged. "You know, I think I could teach you to read cursive."

That would be useful, considering that he hadn't had an opportunity to use the Sharigan to figure it out on his own. And he wasn't planning on using it any time soon, because he did earlier in training, and the cursed mark seemed to like it a bit too much. Tsunade was right when she said to only use it as a last option, but that hadn't stopped him from trying, since he didn't want to get out of practice. Though, if Jiraiya never figured out how to fully seal it, then he could never use it again anyway. Ever. The whole seduction-for-power-causing-a-betrayal-of-Konoha thing was enough of a threat to scare him too much into even trying.

"When we find the free time," he said, putting the quill and book back in the box. "We should head up to bed. Want to try the daifuku in the morning?"

Ron nodded fervently, but Harry shook his head and said, "It's for you."

"There's no way I can eat six pieces on my own," he said, gathering the gifts in his arm and hoping the other boys were asleep. "Two, sure, three at the most, but definitely not six, which means all of you are definitely eating at least one."

"Are you sure?" asked Hermione. He nodded. "Okay, then. In the morning."

"Before we go into the Great Hall," he added as an afterthought. They headed to the staircases. "Good night, Hermione."

"Good night," she answered cheerfully. "I'll see you in the morning—I'm so glad you like the scarf, Kakashi."

"It's great," he said, and the smile came to him easily now. After five months of his cover, he rarely needed to pay attention to his facial expressions anymore. Hermione smiled back and disappeared upstairs as the boys went up their own staircase. "Well, night," he said, relieved to find the other boys asleep. "Thanks for the presents."

"You're welcome, mate," said Ron, yawning. "See you in morning."

"Night," said Harry. "Merlin, I'm tired."

"We all are," said Kakashi, heading off to bed, suddenly realizing how absolutely exhausted he was. He slipped all the presents into his empty top drawer, hiding them, but also not crushing the strawberry daifuku.

Maybe this birthday business wasn't going to be so bad after all.

.

And I got a cat. : D Her name's Lanie. And I love her.


	10. Don't Kill Me

Okay, this is going to piss everyone off and I know it.

I AM planning on updating this. Eventually. See, I'm in all AP classes

waiting to hear from colleges and working my ass off

to raise my pathetically low GPA.

I spent all summer working twelve hours a day and when I wasn't working

I was either doing summer work for said AP classes

or sleeping off my days of torture.

So I am terribly sorry and I'll continue this over winter break since I'm not going to PR

for once. There, you happy?


	11. Chapter 10

So, I'm back!...Kind of. Sorry about this, guys. Life's been pretty hectic lately. Everyone always says junior year is hell year, but I'm pretty sure senior is worse in terms of work load. Not to mention actually work. :(

Anyway, done with with my bitching. This thing is short because I wanted to get it out tonight and hopefully the next will be longer. In actuality, I haven't written anything longer than three thousand words recently because I'm doing a portfolio of flash fiction for a scholarship, so I guess this is to be expected. Also, if there are any disconnects between the writing in my last chapters as compared to the writing in this one, or any really awkward tense changes, sorry about that. On top of being short, all my writing lately has been post-modernism. And I've been reading Vonnegut. He is amazing. So it goes.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Ten

"Four butterbeers, please," said Hermione on an afternoon at the end of the month. Ron had been wrong when he guessed the first Hogsmeade trip would be right before Halloween; one came the last week of September.

The bartender rummaged around under the counter before pulling out four dirty bottles, placing them down on the wood with a _thunk. _He said, "Eight Sickles."

"I'll get them," said Harry before anyone else could offer.

The three headed to the farthest possible table and sat down. Looking at the glass, Kakashi wasn't sure if he really wanted to drink it or not, but after a quick inspection he realized it wasn't really all that dirty—it just looked that way, almost like the bartender didn't _want _too many people to come in. He took a sip, and relieved to find he was right. Next to him, Ron, who had other ideas, said, "You know what? We could order anything we liked in here, I bet that bloke would sell us anything, he wouldn't care. I've always wanted to try firewhisky—"

"You—are—a—_prefect_," said Hermione, eyes hardening into a glare.

"Oh," said Ron, enthusiasm leaving him. "Yeah…"

"So, who did you say is supposed to be meeting us?" asked Harry.

Hermione answered, "Just a couple of people. I told them to be here about now and I'm sure they all know where it is—oh look, this might be them now."

Then the door opened and a cold draft blew in. Kakashi shivered, still not used to the cold after seven weeks, and was incredibly thankful for the warm scarf around his neck and the gloves on his hands (they were Ginny's present—it seemed everyone but Fred and George understood the concept of usefulness). The sunlight was suddenly blocked as a large group of people suddenly entered.

The first few were Gryffindors—Neville, Dean, Lavender, and Parvati—but they were quickly followed by Padma, Cho, one of her friends, and Luna, all Ravenclaws, which meant this was a meeting consisting of more than just one house. Honestly, Kakashi wasn't expecting that. It seemed like with Umbridge stalking around every corner, finding time for Hermione to have this conversation with anyone from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff (three he vaguely recognized entered after the Ravenclaw trio) was borderline impossible. And yet somehow she managed to gather _twenty-five _people, something Kakashi might've been able to pull off, but her doing it was just amazing.

If she was born in Konoha, she would've made an excellent undercover liaison after enough practice.

Harry, looking terrified, turned to Hermione and said, "A couple of people? A _couple of people_?"

"Yes, well, the idea seemed quite popular," she answered with a smile. "Ron, do you want to pull up some more chairs?"

None of the new arrivals came straight to the table; Fred went first to the bar and said the bandage-covered man (all these covered faces put Kakashi on edge, but through a quick deduction his first moment, he was relieved to find Umbridge wasn't there), "Hi. Could we have…twenty-five butterbeers, please?" After a short glare from the bartender, which furthered Kakashi's opinion that he liked slow business, he started pulling butterbeers out from under the counter and handing them around. "Cheers. Cough up, everyone, I haven't enough gold for all of these."

After handing over the money—the boy Ginny came in paying for her, he took note of—the group came over and sat down in the multiple chairs Ron brought over, all looking rather cheerful.

"What have you been telling people?" said Harry under the noise of all the talking. "What are they expecting."

"I told you, they just want to hear what you've got to say," said Hermione. "You don't have to do anything yet, I'll speak to them first."

"Hi, Harry," said Neville, taking a seat opposite from him. Twenty-five people. If the castle was attacked some time after Orochimaru was neutralized and he could go back to Konoha, they could have a chance if this went well.

Once everyone settled down, Hermione said, "Er. Well—er—hi."

How very eloquent.

"Well," she continued, "erm…well, you know why you're here. Erm…well, Harry here had the idea—I mean, I had the idea—that it might be good if people who wanted to study Defense Against the Dark Arts—and I mean, really study it, you know, not the rubbish that Umbridge is doing with us because nobody could call that Defense Against the Dark Arts—"

"Hear, hear," said a boy, and Hermione instantly gained confidence.

"And by that," she said, "I mean learning how to defend ourselves properly, not just theory, but the real spells—"

"You want to pass your Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. too, though, I bet?" said another boy Kakashi didn't recognize.

"Of course I do," she answered. "But I want more than that, I want to be properly trained in Defense because…because…Because Lord Voldemort's back."

The reaction was like Ron's: there were a few screams, a couple of twitches, multiple shutters, and Neville coughed. Then their eyes zoomed to Harry.

"Well," said Hermione, either not noticing that the focus was off of her or not caring, "that's the plan anyway. If you want to join us, we need to decide how we're going to—"

"Where's the proof You-Know-Who's back?" said yet _another _boy Kakashi didn't know. Maybe asking Dumbledore for a roster of the school's students in the beginning of the year would've been a good idea.

"Well, Dumbledore believes it—" started Hermione.

"You mean, Dumbledore believes _him_," the boy interrupted, disregarding common courtesy entirely.

"Who are _you_?" asked Ron, the Best Friend face coming on.

"Zacharias Smith," answered the boy, "and I think we've got the right to know exactly what makes _him _say You-Know-Who's back."

"Look," said Hermione, "that's really not what this meeting was supposed to be about—"

"It's okay, Hermione," Harry said, coming to the same conclusion Kakashi had: to hear the story was the reason most of these people showed up. "What makes me say You-Know-Who's back?" he said, looking at Zacharias. "I saw him. But Dumbledore told the whole school what happened last year, and if you didn't believe him, you don't believe me, and I'm not wasting an afternoon trying to convince anyone."

Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi noticed the bartender listening in. As this was supposed to be private (as as private as possible, since it was somewhat difficult), he quickly sent him a glare, causing the man to avert his eyes.

Zacharias said, "All Dumbledore told us last year was that Cedric Diggory got killed—" Wow, no respect for the dead at all. "—by You-Know-Who and that you brought Diggory's body back to Hogwarts. He didn't give us details, he didn't tell us exactly how Diggory got murdered—"

"Ever think he didn't tell you for your sake?" said Kakashi, cutting him and causing the entire table to look at him. For once, he didn't feel uncomfortable, since taking command was something he was used to after leading his own squads for the past three years.

"What're you trying to say?" said Zacharias, which pissed him off, because goddamnit, he was used to respect.

_What a jackass_.

_Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Rin._

"I'm not _trying _to say anything," he answered, crossing his arms and leaning back. "This is me directly telling you that you're being an idiot. From what I've learned even before I came here, there was another war, one that ended fourteen years ago, and Dumbledore was an essential part of it. What does this mean? Your headmaster's seen people die. If he didn't tell you, he did it for your own sake, not because he was withholding information for the sake of holding information."

"He's right," said Harry suddenly, shooting him a grateful look. While Kakashi didn't necessarily believe everything he said, he did know that was a reason, and that in this society and the way it worked, then Dumbledore had the right to keep details for a minimum. Besides, it was no one's business but who Harry chose to tell and the Order's anyway. "If you've come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders someone I can't help you. I don't want to talk about Cedric Diggory, all right? So if that's what you're here for, you might as well clear out."

No one moved; Hermione took over again. "So…" she said. "So…like I was saying…if you want to learn some defense, then we need to work out how we're going to do it, how often we're going to meet, and where we're going to—"

"Is it true," said a girl that, again, he didn't recognize, "that you can produce a Patronus?"

"Yeah," said Harry as the group suddenly piped again with interest.

"A corporeal Patronus?"

"Er—you don't know Madam Bones, do you?" he asked, and the girl smiled.

"She's my auntie," she answered. "I'm Susan Bones. She told me about your hearing. So—is it true? You make a stag Patronus?"

"Yes."

"Blimey Harry!" said Lee. "I never knew that!"

"Mum told Ron not to spread it around," said Fred. "She said you got enough attention as it was."

"She's not wrong," he said, causing a few people to laugh.

Suddenly, everyone seemed to have a question. A boy whose name Kakashi was pretty sure was Terry Boot said, "And did you kill a basilisk with that sword in Dumbledore's office? That's what one of the portraits on the wall told me when I was in there last year…"

"Er—year, I did, yeah."

"And in our first year," said Neville, "he saved the Sorcerous Stone—"

Kakashi held down a snicker; Hermione whispered, "Sorcerer's!"

"Yes, that, from You-Know-Who."

"And that's not to mention," said Cho, "all the tasks he had to get through in the Triwizard Tournament last year—getting past dragons and merpeople and acromantuals and things…"

What the hell was an acromantual? The table was filled with excited murmurs.

"Look," he said, causing everyone to settle down again, "I…I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be modest or anything, but…I had a lot of help with all that stuff…"

"Not with the dragon, you didn't," said Terry Boot's friend. "That was some seriously cool bit of flying…"

"Year, well—"

"And nobody helped you get rid of those dementors this summer," said Susan.

"No," said Harry, face flushing, "no, okay, I know I did bits without help, but the point I'm trying to make is—"

"Are you trying to weasel out of showing us any of this stuff?" said Zacharias.

"Here's an idea," said Ron, obviously offended by the word weasel, "why don't you shut your mouth?"

Several people laughed, and Zacharias' face turned bright red.

"Well, we've all turned up to learn from him, and now he's telling us he can't really do any of it."

"That's not what he said," defended Fred as his twin pulled out a deadly-looking metal rod from a bag.

"Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?" he asked, brandishing the metal thing.

"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this," said Fred.

"Yes, well," said Hermione, ending the argument before it could really start, "moving on…the point is, are we agreed we want to take lessons from Harry?" George put the metal thing away. "Right," she continued. "Well, then, the next question is how often we do it. I really don't think there's any point in meeting less than once a week—"

Angelia said, "Hang on, we need to make sure this doesn't clash with our Quidditch practice."

"No," agreed Cho, "nor with ours."

"Nor ours," said Zacharias, but everyone ignored him.

"How about a rotating schedule?" said Kakashi, looking to Hermione.

She smiled. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea," she said. "I'm sure we can find a night that suits everyone. But you know, this is rather important, we're talking about learning to defend ourselves against V-Voldemort's Death Eaters—"

"Well said!" Again, Kakashi didn't recognize the boy who said it, but he was pretty sure he was a Ravenclaw. "Personally, I think this is really important, possible more important than anything else we'll do this year, even with our O.W.L.s coming up!" He paused, but no one said anything, not even Hermione. "I, personally, am at a loss to see why the Minister has foisted such a useless teacher upon us at this critical period. Obviously they are in denial about the return of You-Know-Who, but to give us a teacher who is actively preventing us from using defensive spells—"

"We think the reason Umbridge doesn't want us trained in Defense Against the Dark Arts is that she's got some…some made idea that Dumbledore could use the students in the school as a kind of private army," said Hermione. "She thinks he'd mobilize us against the Ministry."

Everyone but Luna appeared completely shocked by this, but she just said, "Well, that makes sense. After all, Cornelius Fudge has got his own private army."

"What?" said Harry.

"Yes, he's got an army of heliopaths," she answered.

"Fire horses?" said Kakashi, confused before he could stop himself, causing everyone to look at him. "What?" he said. "In the Japanese-English dictionary I learned from, it said that the root 'helio' comes from the Helios, the Greek god of the Sun, and 'path' comes—somehow—from something with the Greek god of the sea whose name I can't remember. If you put the two roots together, you get fire horses."

"That—that's right," said Hermione, surprised. "That what it would mean, but that doesn't mean Fudge has got an _army _of them."

"Yes, he has," Luna snapped in a very un-Luna-like way.

"They don't exist," said Hermione.

"Oh yes they do!"

Then Ginny did a near-perfect imitation of Umbridge's throat-clearing thing, causing several people to look around in fear before realizing the woman wasn't there and dissolving into laughter. "Weren't we trying to decide how often we're going to meet and get Defense lessons?" she said ending the logical versus illogical debate.

"Yes," said Hermione, "yes, we were, you're right…"

"Well, once a week sounds cool," said Lee.

"As long as—" started Angelina before Hermione cut her off.

"Yes, yes, we know about the Quidditch," said Hermione. "Well, the other thing to decide is where we're going to meet."

"Library?" said Katie after a long pause.

"I can't see Madam Pince being too chuffed with us doing jinxes in the library," answered Harry.

"Maybe an unused classroom?" said Dean.

Ron brightened at this. "Yeah, he said, "McGonagall might let us have hers, she did when Harry was practicing for the Triwizard…"

Personally, Kakashi couldn't much see Minerva allowing this, but he wasn't going to comment.

"Right, well, we'll try to find somewhere," said Hermione. "We'll send a message round to everybody when we've got a time and a place for the first meeting."

"Discreetly," said Kakashi firmly, looking Hermione straight in the face to remind her of their agreement. "Going around to each person'll probably cause Umbridge to notice. No one approach each other's tables; we'll circulate the information through a chain or something."

"Yes," said Hermione as she pulled a parchment and quill from her bag. "I-I think everybody should write their name down, just so we know who was here. But I also think that we all ought to agree not to shout about what we're doing. So if you sign, you're agreeing not to tell Umbridge—or anybody else—what we're up to."

Without any prompting at all, Fred grabbed the quill and put down his signature. Not everyone seemed so enthusiastic about it; Kakashi wasn't either, but he was pretty much positive Hermione had some idea behind it. She was too smart not to.

Zacharias said, "Er…Well, I'm sure Ernie will tell me when the meeting is."

"I—well, we are _prefects_," Ernie said. "And if this list was found…well, I mean to say…you said yourself, if Umbridge finds out…"

And this was why the boy wasn't a Gryffindor.

"You just said this group was the most important thing you'd do this year," said Harry.

"I—yes," he said, "yes, I do believe that, it's just…"

"Ernie, do you really think I'd leave that list lying around?" said Hermione, annoyed.

"No. No, of course not. I—yes, of course I'll sign."

Ernie's consent seemed to erase any other hesitations and one by one, everyone signed their name (Zacharias was last, naturally). Hermione took the parchment back and slipped it into her bag.

"Well," said Fred, "time's ticking on. George, Lee, and I have got some items of sensitive nature to purchase, we'll be seeing you later."

Group by group the crowd left; Cho, leaving last, took a moment to wave goodbye to Harry.

"Well, I think that went quiet well," said Hermione as the four of them exited. "Come on, now, we promised Kakashi we'd show him the sweet shop."

"That Zacharias bloke's a wart," said Ron as they led Kakashi off in the direction of the shop.

"I don't like him much either," said Hermione, "but he overheard me talking to Ernie and Hannah at the Hufflepuff table and he seemed really interesting in coming, so what could I say? But the more people the better really—I mean Michael Corner and his friends wouldn't have come if he hadn't been going out with Ginny—"

This news apparently came as a surprise to Ron, who gagged on his butterbeer.

"He's WHAT?" said Ron, ears going red. "She's going out with—my sister's going—what d'you mean, Michael Corner?"

"Well," said Hermione, "that's why he and his friends came, I think—well, they're obviously interested in learning defense, but if Ginny hadn't told Michael what was going on—"

"When did this—when did she?" Ginny and Ron were siblings, why didn't he know this?

"They met at the Yule Ball and they got together at the end of the year," she answered as they reached a shop. "Hmm…I could do with a new quill. Kakashi, do you mind waiting?"

With a shrug, he answered, "Sure. We've got time."

"Which one was Michael Corner?" asked Ron as they entered.

"The dark one."

"I don't like him."

"Big surprise."

"But," said Ron, "I thought Ginny fancied Harry!"

_Well, that meeting was interesting_, said Rin, and Kakashi tuned out the conversation.

_I guess you could say that. _

_ You jumped to Harry's rescue, I noticed. _

_ Are you planning to point out every time I show the fact that I actually like them?_

_ It's fun!_

_ Yeah, well, not for me. _

_ They're leaving._

_ Yes, I know. I have eyes. _

_ Bye?_

_ Yeah. Bye, Rin. _

His friend left and he exited the store along with the others. Ron and Hermione were still bickering, and for once it felt familiar rather than annoying. Kakashi looked around at the small village and smiled slightly, because he recognized with familiarity the forgotten feelings of having friends.

And this time, he'd try not to fuck it up.

.

"To see you—look at this!"

It was the Monday after the Hogsmeade visit, and the boys had entered the common room to find _Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four—_all student societies needed to be proved. This being a coincidence was a very slim chance, and Kakashi's first thought mirrored Ron; it was Zacharias Smith. Of course, he doubted Hermione would let anything like that happen, but it was possible that he was overestimating her. And if he'd been right, then how the hell did Umbridge find out?

Goddamnit, he was the one who gave them permission, which meant this was all his fault.

"Someone must have blabbed to her!" Ron said furiously, glare turned to Hermione rather than the board.

"They can't have done," she said, rereading the notice.

"You're so naïve," said Ron, glare intensifying, "you think just because you're all honorable and trustworthy—"

"No, they can't have done because I put a jinx on the piece of parchment we all signed," she said, thankfully brushing off the argument before it could start. "Believe me, if anyone's run off and told Umbridge, we'll know exactly who they are and they will really regret it."

Well, at least he wasn't wrong about her. "What'll happen to them?" asked Ron.

"Well, put it this way," she answered, "it'll make Eloise Midgen's acne look like a couple of cute freckles. Come on, let's get down to breakfast and see what the others think…I wonder whether this has been put up in all the Houses?"

When they entered the Great Hall, they saw the answer without even having to ask. Groups of students clumped together throughout the tables, all talking in their separate huddles. Umbridge sat up at the teacher's table, looking satisfied and superior, which wasn't reassuring in the slightest. Still, her eyes didn't gravitate to Harry's at all, instead surveying the room as a whole. And as soon as the four took their seats, the Gryffindors who met in the pub swarmed them. He managed one last glance up at the teacher's table before Fred blocked his view.

"Did you see it?" he asked immediately, sliding into the seat next him.

"D'you reckon he knows?" said Ginny.

Neville's face was paler than usual. He asked, "What are we going to do?"

All eyes were turned to Harry; Kakashi looked quickly to Umbridge, and found that she still wasn't focusing on their group. Yes, it was possible that it really _was _just a coincidence. The notice did say teams, too, so it was possible she wanted a specific Quidditch team disbanded for one reason or another (probably Gryffindor), but something still wasn't sitting right. If no one in their group told, then there might've been someone else in the pub who reported it to the Ministry. But then why not antagonize them directly? This didn't seem like a normal Umbridge action.

After a moment, Kakashi said, "Let's get out of before people ignore what I said and start heading over." Already, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Zacharias stand up from his table, because hell, if anyone was going to being an idiot, it was naturally him.

"But food!" said Ron, who stood up along with the other three anyway.

"We'll go to the kitchens," Harry said and they left. Neville, Dean, Ginny, and the twins turned back into a huddle, whispering. Ron nodded as they exited, narrowly avoiding a very angry-looking Zacharias Smith.

"I—" began Hermione, but she was quickly cut off by a shout of, "Harry! _Ron_!"

Angelina ran up to them, with a face on like she just saw someone die. "It's okay," Harry said, completely missing the fact that this _definitely _wasn't about learning Defense. "We're still going to—"

"You realize she's including Quidditch in this?" Angelina asked, and Kakashi wasn't particularly surprised. "We have to go and ask permission to re-form the Gryffindor team!"

"_What_?" said Harry.

"No way," said Ron, eyes going wide.

Frantically, she answered, "You read the sign, it mentions teams too! So listen, Harry…I am saying this for the last time…Please, _please_ don't lose your temper with Umbridge again or she might not let us play anymore!"

"Okay, okay," said Harry quickly. "Don't worry, I'll behave myself…I haven't gotten detention since the first week…"

She nodded and turned away without goodbye, shoulders quivering slightly and not looking particularly steady on her feet.

"Bet Umbridge is in History of Magic," said Ron, looking nearly as shaken as Angelina. "She hasn't inspected Binns yet…Bet you anything she's there…"

Luckily, Umbridge wasn't there; History of Magic was as boring as usual. Next to him, Hermione was fidgeting, and Ron and Harry both just sort of stared blankly down at their desks. Other students were like that, too, which meant Umbridge's mind games were already working. Eventually, Harry succumbed to Binns' monotone and laid his head in his arms.

About fifteen minutes into the period, a piece of parchment was shoved in front of him. He looked to Hermione, confused, because he doubted Binns would care if they started whispering. Her eyes flicked to the paper before she went back to taking notes. When he opened it, he almost immediately dropped it out of surprise because it read,

_I need you to help Harry teach. _

_ Why? _he wrote back.

After a minute passed, the parchment was back in front of him.

_Before you say anything, no, none of us will tell anything to anyone. It's just that you know more practical things. I think that a lot of people coming still aren't fully aware or don't believe what's going on and I don't know how fit Harry is to tell them. I bet he'll be an excellent teacher, but he just doesn't know how to talk about certain things. _

Unfortunately, that made sense even to him. Though Kakashi was good at a lot of things, public speaking wasn't one of them. Actually, he was completely horrible at public speaking. It was naturally, he guessed, because he social issues were already so bad that talking in front of a crowd was never going to be easily. Hopefully in front of twenty-five he'd be okay and he sort of had to bad since this inevitably went along with the philosophy of protecting them by teaching them to protect themselves. Still, this was going to hurt.

_Fine_, he answered, scribbling with the quill Ron had gotten him. _I'll figure out a way without giving anything away. _

After she read it, she sent him a relieved smile that almost made this worth it. So maybe this was just a persona that was good at everything he wasn't, but maybe he'd also let enough slip that they liked the real him too, which was a lot more than he could say for other people.

And Kakashi was surprisingly okay with this.


	12. Chapter 11

So, I'm back! Again. Hopefully this makes up for the last one. . I'm _so _sorry for not updating and working on the other thing instead when quite honestly this should've been my top priority. I'll update as soon as I can, I swear!

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

Chapter Eleven

Later that night, he sat up on a tree branch in his clearing of the Forbidden Forest, trying to remind himself that he was not allowed to be freaked out by anything. Since he was three, he'd seen and done his fair share of fucked up shit and by now he'd been in this place for ten weeks, so he really had no right to get this messed up over absolutely nothing. Though maybe absolutely nothing wasn't the right way to put it.

For some reason, seeing a hand groping around in a fire was a lot more screwed up than a head bobbing around one. Especially when that hand belonged to Professor Umbridge and looked like some sort of mutant creature in the guise of a human arm. Basically, getting this whacked out was not something Hatake Kakashi was known for. But it happened anyway. And probably didn't help that he was currently stuck in a tree.

It was all his fault too. Even this far away from Konoha, his unhealthy coping mechanisms persisted. It was only natural that he left the moment after he, Ron, and Harry said goodnight in the dormitory and disappeared off to the forest when initially he planned on taking a break for the next for days out of bodily necessity and proceed to train until he dropped, mostly because he had no access to copious numbers of sleeping pills. As it turned out, working to himself that hard then trying even minimal amounts chakra (well, not _quite _minimal—he practiced some genjutsu to the best of his ability on a frog, then created a couple dozen _kage bunshin_ and practiced some actual wizarding spells before he finally shorted out) was enough to cause the seal to act up. This happened midway through climbing a tree, which was how he ended up on this branch, in too much pain to climb down the normal way. And this also wasn't like him.

_You really have to stop doing that_, said Rin.

_I hadn't noticed. _

_ No, seriously—you keep saying that, but you haven't stopped yet._

_ You know, you're still pointing out the obvious. _

_ That because you need it, you idiot! _said Obito suddenly. 

_ I—_

_ Sheesh, for some so smart, you're sort of a fucking idiot._

_ Obito…_

_ Hey, you swear too!_

_ GUYS! _he shouted in his head because any argument was probably going to cause a headache by this point. _Just shut up. _

_ Sorry…_

_ Yeah…_

There was silence until Obito broke it. _Look, we're just trying to help._

_ I know. _

_ And we didn't exactly get an opportunity before._

_ Rin did. And succeeded. _

_ Obviously I didn't, or you wouldn't be practically killing yourself every time you get upset._

_ I'm not upset!_

_ Oh, don't even try it, Hatake._

_ Whoa, you haven't called him that in a long time. _

_ Yeah, well he also hasn't pissed me off this much in a long damn time. _

_ Cool it, Rin. _

_ I'm not going to! Listen, Kakashi, we're just trying to help. _

_ So you've come back from the grave to give an intervention? Fuck, I'm crazy._

_ No you aren't. You're just dealing with a lot right now. Isn't that right, Obito?_

_ Yeah, basically. _

_ Can't you go back to just being my guilty conscious?_

_ Nope, this is way better. _

The pain in his shoulder was starting to reside and he could breathe a little easier. After today, he was taking a break. He was still fit and active and Minato and Rin told him about a thousand and ten times that it wasn't healthy to train every single day—which he wasn't doing, but he was still obviously overdoing it. Even though he was apparently gifted in self-denial, he knew when to draw the line. Today pretty much drew it for him. At what was slow for him, but average for other people, he climbed down the tree the normal way, trying his hardest to ignore the argument that somehow started in his head.

If he really was crazy (and against all logic, he allowed himself to half-hope that it wasn't true) then this had to be considered getting progressively worse. The worst part was that there was nothing to really cause that—a conscious taking the voice of a deceased friend apparently wasn't too unusual, or so said the psychiatrist who evaluation him and every other survivor involved in the Kyuubi attack and that was without Kakashi even volunteering information. But this? Well, he had a feeling this wasn't quite _normal_, especially considering that it seemed to happen all at once.

Since it started his first day in England, it was possible this was just a side effect of basically hopping into a different world, or whatever hell he did. But…that didn't seem right, for some reason, and he couldn't think of anything else. If he'd finally snapped, then technically Rin and Obito should be gone because his mental state had legitimately been getting better over the past few weeks. And since they were talking to him, why not Minato-sensei? In terms of insanity, it made more sense for Kakashi to hear his voice rather than his old teammates.

Oh, whatever. He didn't feel like thinking about it right now. His shoulder was hurting, from the lightening in the sky he guessed it was nearing dawn and his body desperately needed sleep right now, especially since he had Charms first thing in the morning and it was so loud in there that Harry, Ron, and Hermione would want to talk. And he did too, because yesterday was a little nuts and it was going to be pretty good hearing someone else's opinion on this. Especially the opinion of the three people who knew a lot more about the Wizarding world than he did, for obvious reasons.

When he entered the dorm, exhausted and shivering, he was too groggy to take in his surroundings much, so it was a complete surprise that when he finished changing into his pajamas (hiding himself from the rest of the room by habit) a quiet voice said, "Kakashi?"

It was a good thing he no long had his weapons on him, or Harry probably would've had a kunai to the face. Kakashi was not in the right mind at the moment to be caught off guard at all. Outside it began to rain. Even without his friends in his head, it still felt like something was blocking off his full thought capacity. Probably sleep deprivation and chakra depletion.

"Yeah?" he said just as quietly, rubbing his good eye and sitting on his bed. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Couldn't," Harry answered and he looked exhausted. "And I figured if you came back and weren't tired…er…"

Though he was flat out exhausted, his mind seemed to be whirring with too many worries and annoyances that he didn't really mind a distraction. He sat on his bed, facing Harry. "They're all heavy sleepers, right?" he asked. His friend nodded. "Okay, so what is it?"

"Hermione said she asked you if you could help teach," he said, "but never elaborated. What did she want you help with?"

Oh. That. He said, "She just wanted me to give them a look at reality or something—not say anything _real _of course."

"You're really going to do it?"

He shrugged, too tired to care. "It makes sense. Doubt most of them, if any of them, going into this are getting a full picture of what's actually happening. They have no basis for it. You're probably the closest."

"The closest?" Harry's eyebrows knit in confusion and Kakashi realized what he said probably didn't sound good. "What do you mean?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and pulled up his legs so he sat cross-legged. Offending his friend wasn't his intention, but there was a possibility this could come out sounding like one anyway. While he hated explaining, he saw no real way around it.

"I mean that you're going into a war, Harry," he said, exhausted and dizzy and _god _he wanted to sleep so badly but his mind didn't seem to want to let him. "You've fought Voldemort, which is more than anyone else in this organization thing can say, but you haven't been in an actual war. I have. The ramifications of living through one are terrible if you don't go in prepared." He paused, then added, "Actually, they suck regardless. Let me just put it this way: war isn't fun."

Surprisingly Harry didn't seem insulted at all, which was a relief. Maybe Kakashi's obvious rambling took away from it. Fuck being tired. After a moment, Harry sighed and said, "Yeah. Yeah, you should tell them. Have you figured anything out yet?"

"No idea." He rubbed his good eye. "Seems like no one keeps in track of Japanese wizarding politics around here. I can just make anything up and I'm sure it'll work."

"I guess you could work it into why you came here," Harry said. "You look exhausted, mate. What happened?"

Well, maybe he could get away with a half-lie. Lately, Kakashi was a little backwards, feeling uncomfortable when he wasn't telling the truth to these three because the more he liked them, the less he wanted them to just like his persona. Rin said that was what being friends meant, but he didn't like getting too sentimental. Hogwarts was screwing with his head too much, and hopefully the repercussions wouldn't be awful. No need to fail becoming the captain of the ANBU because he forgot to shield emotion effectively.

He asked, "Remember what I told you about my teammate over the summer? How she couldn't move fast enough from chakra depletion?" The other boy nodded. "Yeah, well I totally overexerted myself out there. The human body can't take five nights' training in a row. I should've given myself some time before going out again."

"Then what're you doing up?" Harry smiled at him, looking a lot more like his usual self and it didn't seem forced, which Kakashi supposed was a good thing. "G'night, Kakashi."

With a yawn, he slipped under his covers and gave a sleepy, "You too, Harry," before abruptly losing consciousness.

.

"Okay, this place is awesome," said Kakashi as they stood in the middle of the Room of Requirements, surrounded by all manners of Wizarding things. "How much do you think this room could do?"

"Dobby didn't mention any limitations," answered Harry as Hermione sank down into a cushion with a book. The things he could do with this place given the opportunity. It could be more private than the forbidden forest…he could make actual opponents (dummies, of course, since he doubted this thing could make real people), do anything he could think of. "Why?"

"Mind if I stay after for a bit?" he asked, calculating in his head exactly what he would need to make a realistic training ground. The forest was nice, but recreating a place in Konoha sounded like a better idea. Harry shrugged. "Okay."

"Are you—"

Before the boy could finish, there was a knock on the door and the first people entered. When he turned around, he discovered that Ginny, Neville, Lavender, Parvati, and Dean had arrived.

Dean surveyed the room with wide eyes. "Whoa," he said. "What is this place?"

After Harry began explaining, more people showed up so he had to start over and all in all it took about eight tries to finally get the whole bit out. During the half hour, Kakashi wandered around the shelves in the back, looking to see if the room picked up anything from him. But considering that he mostly wanted to learn higher level spells at the moment, it was hard to tell from the books.

"Well," Harry was saying as he came back, slipping into the back of the group so as not to cause a distraction. "This is the place we've found for practices, and you've—er—obviously found it okay—"

"I think it's fantastic!" said Cho excitedly, but her eyes were on Harry rather than looking around like anyone else's.

Fred, though, was frowning. "It's bizarre. We once hid from Filch in here, remember, George? But it was just a broom cupboard then…"

"Hey, Harry, what's this stuff?" said Dean, pointing to some random mechanical-looking things that probably weren't mechanical.

"Dark Detectors," answered Harry. "Basically they all show when Dark wizards or enemies are around, but you don't want to rely on them too much, they can be fooled…" Oh, that sounded reassuring. "Well, I've been thinking about the sort of stuff we ought to do first and—er—What, Hermione?"

"I think we ought to elect a leader."

"Harry's leader," said Cho, and while she was sort of right, Kakashi could see what Hermione was trying to do. Didn't agree with it, of course, but he also didn't grow up in a society where "electing" bothered to get anyone anywhere. Team leaders were not elected, it went to whoever was most experienced, but considering these were a bunch of school children who could have easy divisions in their group, it was probably a pretty good idea.

"Yes," said Hermione, completely unfazed, "but I think we ought to vote on it properly. It makes it formal and it gives him authority. So—everyone who thinks Harry ought to be leader?"

Along with everyone else, Kakashi put his hand up. Harry blushed. "Er—right, thanks. And—_what_, Hermione?"

"I also think we ought to have a name," she said, and he sensed an intervention moment about to come up. "It would promote a feeling of team spirit and unity, don't you think?"

"Can we be the Anti-Umbridge League?" asked Angelina.

"Or the Ministry of Magic Are Morons Group?" said Fred.

"I was thinking," said Hermione, the corners of her mouth twisting down, "more of a name that didn't tell everyone what we were up to, so we can refer to it safely outside meetings?"

Using team numbers was what Kakashi was used to, but that could get confusing in a school environment. He suggested, "How about something that can be shorted down to, um, that word for when a name is abbreviated down to letters?"

Well, his English still wasn't perfect, apparently.

"An acronym," said Cho and he felt really, really embarrassed. "What about the Defense Association? The D.A. for short, so nobody knows what we're talking about?"

"Yeah, the D.A.'s good," said Ginny. "Only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it?"

Before Kakashi could say anything about the utter stupidity of the name, laughter and talking broke out and Hermione said, "All in favorite of the D.A.?" Almost everyone raised their hand. "That's a majority—motioned passed!"

She wrote the name down on the attendance sheet, but as she went to actually paste it on the wall, he managed to get in, "Shouldn't you keep the paper hidden, Hermione?"

Abrupt silence. Then Smith said, "In here it _is _hidden," like he was the one who found the room and not them.

Hermione, though, seemed to remember Kakashi's guidelines because she rolled the paper up and slipped it into her robes. "He's right," she said, looking at him. "There's a slim chance this place will be discovered, since nowhere in this school is foolproof anymore. I'm sure we're safe, though. Right?" He nodded. "Good."

"What makes _him _sudden authority?" asked Smith.

"RIGHT," said Harry loudly, cutting him off. "Shall we get practicing then? I was thinking, the first thing we should do is _Expeliarmus_, you know, the Disarming Charm. I know it's pretty basic, but I've found it really useful—"

"Oh, _please._" Yeah, that boy really needed to shut up. "I don't think _Expelliarmus _is exactly going to help us against You-Know-Who, do you?"

Really anything could be used to defeat anyone, Kakashi learned, but he wasn't going to volunteer this bit of wisdom. Instead Harry said, "I used it against him. It saved my life last June. But if you think it's beneath you, you can leave." No one moved. "Okay. I reckon we should all divide into pairs and practice."

Since Smith was pissing him off, and he'd been in a bad mood for about the past week, Kakashi popped up next to him and innocently asked, "Want to partner up?"

"Sure," the boy said, scowling and sounding not at all displeased. "How can—"

"_Expelliarmus._"

Smith's wand went soaring out of his hand and clattered into the floor about ten feet away. "Hey!" he said, ears red. "Give a little warning next time!"

"In a real fight, no one's going to give you a warning," Kakashi said, before Summoning the wand back and tossing it to its rightful owner. "Here. Your turn."

"_Expelliarmus!_"

Kakashi moved out of the way before the spell could hit, and the Weasley twins laughed somewhere behind him. "Try again," he said, thoroughly enjoying himself because he never claimed to be a nice person in the first place. Completely fucking with this kid sounded like a pretty good way to burn out frustration.

So Smith tried, and he dodged. Again. And again. And again. It continued on for several minutes before the other boy finally snapped. "How are you doing that?" he asked, balling his fists to his side like a child.

"I'm not going to just be an immobile target," he said, running his fingers through his hair and looking at the boy like he said the stupidest thing in the world because he really _was _having way too much fun with this. "Here, I'll go now. How about _you _try to dodge?"

"I—"

"_Expelliarmus._"

"HEY!"

The Weasley twins were dying with laughter by now, which probably wasn't a good thing, but it was nice to know this had an audience. Maybe Smith could finally get a little humbled by this. His rampant egotism was annoying as hell.

"I gave you warning like you asked," he said innocently. "Didn't I give you enough time?"

The redness of Smith's ears was almost inspiring by this point. Kakashi pointed his wand and said, "_Expelliarmus_," anticipating the other boy's move so that in an effort to dodge, he hit it straight on instead. Now that he finally got to actually use magic against someone, he could totally see the tactical use behind it. Still, not as good as what he grew up with in terms of stealth and everything, but it left no mess. At all. And since he'd been on clean up duty after a fight before, this was kind of awesome.

"Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?"

"I don't know…that!"

Eventually a whistle blew (when did Harry get a whistle?) and Harry said, "Well, that was pretty good, but we've overrun, we'd better leave it here. Same time, same place next week?"

"Sooner!" said Dean, and was meant by great enthusiasm by most others.

"The Quidditch season's about to start," said Angelina, "we need team practices too!"

"Let's say next Wednesday, then," said Harry, "and we can decide on additional meetings then…come on, we'd better get going…"

The exodus from the room took longer than was probably advisable, but they had to keep dividing people up to make it less noticeably. Harry watched that map of his until they were sure everyone was safe, but Kakashi didn't care so much about that, instead looking around the room and trying to decide what he was going to do with it. To think there was a place here where he could actually recreate a piece of his hometown was amazing.

"That was really, really good, Harry," Hermione saying once everyone was gone. "Kakashi, are you coming?"

"Hm?" He turned to look at her. "Oh. No. I'll get back later."

"Want me to leave you the map?" Harry asked. He shook his head. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I've been making it back and forth long enough without it."

And it probably helped that he had a jutsu that could camouflage himself, but that would take way too long to explain. "Well, see you late then," he said.

"Bye, Kakashi."

"See you later, mate."

He returned their goodbyes automatically, not really thinking about it. The moment he was sure they were gone, he closed his eyes, pictured his team's old training ground, and thought, _I want this. _

When he opened his eyes, it was there. Grass was around him, and the body of water and three stumps and a forest and above him the night sky. Looking up, he saw the constellations were the constellations of the Hogwarts' night sky rather than Konoha's and realized that he was looking up at real stars, that the grass beneath him was real, and so were the lake and the trees and how the fuck did a room do this, he thought. He slipped off his shoes and the Hogwarts' robes, leaving himself in his black shirt and pants and barefoot on Konoha grass. Even the air smelled right. There was a possibility that this was an illusion, but he doubted it. Just like he doubted that this went on past the horizon, and if he walked through those trees he was going to hit a wall because this place wasn't endless. The door was still there, out of place between two trees.

Kakashi let himself fall, lying on his back under a real night sky, breathing Konoha air again, and knew this moment was going down as one of the best in his life.

.

So far, there had been many, many moments in this mission where Kakashi wished he could break his orders. Still, no matter how many other moments there were, this one really had to be the worst.

"Hold on a second," he said to his friends, both the real ones in front of him the two in his head. "Really—give me a moment to think."

On several occasions now, he'd been told he could break _school _rules, but at the moment he wasn't sure if school rules crossed over into mission orders, so he was more torn than he was used to. Harry and twins had just been banned because he couldn't stop a fight in front of an entire student body (and Umbridge) and Ron was miserable, so he could understand why they wanted to go see Hagrid so badly. While he'd never been in this particular situation before, he had enough empathy left in him to see the logical connection between a horrible, horrible day and the desire to break rules and common sense to go see a friend who returned after three months of no word. So he wanted to help, but he wasn't sure if he was messing up the mission by not stopping them and he was basically stuck with the last option which was figure out how to do it without leaving a trace.

That, and he wanted to kill Umbridge _so _badly right now, but he wasn't an idiot.

"Please?" asked Hermione, voice weak and almost desperate sounding. "I know it's risky, but—"

"Look, I'm saying it's okay," he answered, running his fingers through his hair, "but I'm trying to figure out a way not to leave evidence. I know I can do it for myself, but I have no idea how I'd even begin to spread it to other people." In actuality, he probably could figure out a way if given long enough, but the amount of chakra it needed would be detrimental. "I—Harry, take your cloak, but I'm sure you guessed that by now. Is there any way for you guys to cover your steps?"

"An Obliteration Charm should work," said Hermione. "What're you going to do? I'm not sure the cloak can cover all of us."

Well, they were going to have to see it eventually considering how often he was stuck using it to sneak around now. "I know how to camouflage myself," he said, "and how to walk and not leave footprints. And the camouflage is as good as invisibility anyway. If we're doing this, we should make it quick because the longer we take, the more likely we're to get caught, so go get your cloak, Harry."

With a tired nod, Harry disappeared up into the dormitory and Kakashi was pretty sure doing this was the definition of corrupting objectivity. But, technically he was only breaking school rules and not mission orders and he was already given permission to do that but several people, so he was fine.

But if it was fine, then why did he feel so worried?

"I've got it," Harry said, reappearing with his cloak draped over his arm and holding an already activated map. "Quick, get under."

As the other three situated themselves and successfully disappeared from Kakashi's sight, which was unnerving, he activated the Iwa-nin jutsu. He was using this way too often for him to be fully comfortable, but it was annoyingly useful. Silently, he followed them out of the castle, listening for the quiet sounds of their footsteps against the cobblestone floor. Once they were out on the snow covered lawn, Hermione began her Obliteration Charm and he channeled chakra into his feet, correctly judging exactly how much was necessary to walk across snow without harming it. He'd already had his scarf and gloves with him from the Quidditch match and was profoundly glad that he hadn't put them away.

They made good time getting to Hagrid's door and after a quick inspection he was relieved to see that there was no evidence left in the snow. Obliteration Charm—yet another thing that would go to waste once he went back to Konoha. Well, at least it could help for cleaning he supposed.

When they reached the hut, Harry knocked three times and a dog barked somewhere inside.

"Hagrid, it's us!" Harry said through the door after receiving no answer. Again, a dog inside barked.

"Shoulda known!" came a voice from the other side and from the first word alone Kakashi knew Hagrid had a dialect that was going to confuse him. Second languages sucked so much. "Bin home three seconds…Out of the way, Fang…_Out of the way_, yeh dozy dog…"

Then the door opened and it was only because he was fast that he was able to cover Hermione's mouth before she screamed. Still, her squeak was audible and Hagrid's blackened eyes zoomed around over their heads. He said, "Under the cloak, are yeh? Well, get in, get in!"

"I'm sorry!" said Hermione as the four of them entered. She, Ron, and Harry threw off the cloak and he dropped the jutsu.

"It's nuthin'," said the horribly injured man, "it's nut—Merlin's beard! Who are you?"

The dog—Fang—was already circling around his legs, barking happily. "Kakashi Hatake," he said, petting the dog behind the ear. Something in here smelled horrible and he resisted the urge to cough. "Dumbledore hired me to guard the school from Voldemort and/or the Ministry."

Hagrid stared, or at least as close to staring as he could get with eyes that blackened. Even as a high class shinobi, Kakashi had never seen eyes get that banged up and still be useable, but he supposed that a half-giant could have higher resistance. "Since when does Dumbledore need a guard?" he asked.

"Um, since the first week of August apparently," he answered, realizing that though he knew a lot about Hagrid, that knowledge didn't run both ways. "I'm undercover, though—in fifth year. Technically it's the whole school I'm supposed to guard, but these three and the rest of the Weasley's are my top priority. Or at least that's the shortened version, anyway. So, when you have me in class, all you know is that I'm a random, single-year exchange student from Japan who's really smart."

"Fifth year?" said Hagrid and he somehow managed to pull off looking confused. "Yeh look like yer abou' twelve!"

Despite their obvious horror, the other two boys snickered. "He gets that a lot," Ron said. "He's fourteen."

Before Hagrid could comment, Harry asked, "What happened to you?"

"Told yeh, it's _nuthin'_," he said in his dialect that thankfully wasn't impossible, probably because he'd been living with Seamus and his Irish accent, which took a good week to figure out. "Want a cuppa?"

"Come off it," said Ron, gapping with disbelief, "you're in a right state!"

"I'm tellin' yeh, I'm fine." The smile looked painful. "Blimey, it's good ter see you three again—had good summers, did yeh?"

"Hagrid, you've been attacked!" said Ron.

"Fer the las' time, it's nuthin'!" said Hagrid.

_Sheesh, _said Rin, _he's as bad as you, 'Kashi-kun. _

Keeping his mouth shut was normally something Kakashi was quite good at, but the blatant display of denial was almost on par with his own. After choosing his words carefully, he said, "First, nice to meet you. Second, that isn't 'nothing' no matter how you look at it. My medical knowledge is limited to what I learned on the front—" As well as what was constantly spewed in his head. "—but I know anatomy. I've spent the majority of my life studying it, so I can say with all legitimacy that you were attacked while on the defensive side because _all _of your wounds are defensive." The staring continued, and he sighed. "I'm a trained professional telling you this. Go get help."

"What're yeh trained in ter make yeh an expert?" asked Hagrid, though he seemed more bewildered than indignant. "Harry, wha's goin' on?"

Oh, he didn't want to spend a long time on explanations right now, but he knew this wasn't going to just be dropped lightly. Again, he sighed and waved his hand, indicating it was okay for Harry to say whatever he thought was important. He was most likely a better candidate for explaining than Kakashi at the moment.

"He's a ninja," answered Harry with a shrug like this was perfectly normal, "from a place called Konoha that we shouldn't know about. But that's not important right now."

Before Hagrid could ask any more questions, Hermione said, "Kakashi's right. You ought to go and see Madam Pomfrey, Hagrid. Some of those cuts look nasty."

"I'm dealin' with it, all righ'?" While Kakashi wasn't worried about Hagrid, having sustained worse injuries himself and having seen worse injuries, but for some reason his eyes and the fact that he could still see was mind-boggling. Just…just _how_?

Hagrid walked away from them to the countered where he uncovered something. Immediately, the smell got worse and when he turned, a giant, oddly colored stake appeared.

"You're not going to eat that, are you, Hagrid?" asked Ron, again look horrified. "It looks poisonous."

"It's s'posed ter look like that, it's dragon mean," he said, looking at them like it should be common knowledge. "An' I didn' get it ter eat it."

Though Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked about ready to protest to whatever he was planning on doing, Hagrid ignored them and slapped the stake over one eye, breathing out a sigh of relief.

_There's no way that can be sanitary._

_ Thanks, Rin. I hadn't noticed._

"Tha's better," he said, sitting down and looking at them with his other banged up eye. "It helps with the stingin', yeh know."

_Oh, shut up. Some things are worth commenting on no matter how obvious._

_ Do you have any idea how he can still see?_

"So are you going to tell us what's happened to you?" Harry asked, gaze still fixed on the stake.

_No idea. I mean, they don't even look bloodshot._

"Can', Harry," Hagrid answered. "Top secret. More'n me job's worth ter tell yeh that."

"Did the giants beat you up?" Hermione asked quietly. Hagrid coughed in surprised and the stake slid a little down his face.

"Giants? Who said anythin' about giants? Who yeh bin talkin' to? Who's told yeh what I've—who's said I've bin—eh?"

"We guessed," she said, glancing at Kakashi accusingly like he should've told them.

"Oh, yeh did, did yeh?" he said.

"It's kinda…obvious," said Ron, and Harry nodded.

Hagrid glared at them, though it was barely visible, and tossed the stake on the table, heading towards the stove.

"Never known kids like you three—or, four, I s'pose—fer knowin' more'n yeh oughta," he said, filling his large mugs with tea. "An' I'm not complimentin' yeh, neither. Nosy, some'd call it. Interferin'."

As the four of them sat down, Kakashi said, "I knew already. The Order never explained anything, but they mentioned it a few times."

"He didn't tell us, though," Hermione said quickly as Hagrid opened his mouth to speak. "So, you were really looking for giants?"

"Yeah, all righ'," he said, resigned. "I have."

"How?" said Hermione, and though Kakashi already knew the answer to that one too, he wasn't going to say anything. They could figured it all out on their own, and regardless of what the adults said, it was a good idea to actually include them in something for once.

"Well, they're not that difficult ter find, ter be honest," said Hagrid. "Pretty big, see."

"Where are they?" asked Ron.

"Mountains," answered Hagrid

"So why don't Muggles—?"

Hagrid said, "They do. O'ny their deaths are always put down ter mountaineerin' accidents, aren' they?"

"Did one follow you home or something?" Kakashi asked. "A lot of those wounds look fresh—as in within the past week or so."

"'Course not," said Hagrid and he avoided eye contact, or at least it seemed so. "They jus' reopen'd."

And he was really, really bad at lying.

"Come on, Hagrid," said Ron, skipping over it. "Tell us about being attacked giants and Harry can tell you about being attacked by dementors—"

Hagrid somehow managed choked on his tea and dropped the steak at the same time, covering the table with dragon's blood, spit, and tea. The stake slid completely from his face and onto the floor, some of the greenness spreading, the rancid smell increasing. Kakashi needed to get of here, soon.

"Whadda yeh mean, attacked by dementors?" he asked.

"Didn't you know?" Hermione answered, surprised, eyes wide.

"I don' know anything that's been happenin' since I left," said Hagrid. "I was on a secret mission, wasn' I, didn' wan' owls followin' me all over the place—ruddy dementors! Yeh're not serious?"

"Yes, I am, they turned in Little Whinging and attacked my cousin and me, and then the Ministry of Magic expelled me—"

"WHAT?"

"—and I had to go to a hearing and everything, but tell us about the giants first."

"You were _expelled_?"

"Tell us about your summer and I'll tell you about mine."

While curiosity didn't seem like a particularly good bargain, it worked. "Oh, all righ'." He bent down and tugged the dragon steak out of Fang's mouth.

_Okay, it's sanitary level just dropped further._

"Oh, Hagrid, don't it's not hygien—" Hermione started, but he'd already put the stake back to its original position.

_Well, it looks like we aren't the only ones who think so._

"Well," he began after a large gulp of tea, "we sent off right after term ended—"

"Madam Maxime went with you, then?" she said.

"Yeah, tha's right," said Hagrid and suddenly sounded much happier. "Yeah, it was jus' the pair of us. An' I'll tell yeh this, she's not afraid of roughin' it, Olympe. Yeh know, she's a fine, well-dressed woman, an' knowin' where we was goin' I wondered 'ow she'd feel abou' clamberin' over boulders an' sleepin' in caves an' tha', bu' she never complained once."

_So she basically has the apathy level of a kunoichi? _Rin said.

_I don't get why that's such a surprise._

_ Seriously? You've been here four months and you still don't get it?_

"You knew where you were going?" asked Harry. "You knew where the giants were?"

_That's not it. The statement just seemed a little sexist. That's the word, right?_

_ I think. At least it isn't as bad as Kirigakure. _

_ True._

"Well, Dumbledore knows, an' he told us," asked Hagrid.

"Are they hidden?" asked Ron. "Is it a secret, where they are?"

"It doesn't seem possible to hide an entire population," Kakashi said, only half paying attention now because the conversation in his head was much more interesting.

"He's righ'," Hagrid said, nodding to Kakashi. "It's jus' that mos' wizards aren' bothered where they are, s' long as it's a good long way away. But where they are's very difficult to get ter, fer humans anyway, so we needed Dumbledore's instructions. Took us abou' a month ter get there—"

"A _month_?" repeated Ron. "But—why couldn't you just grab a Portkey or something?"

Hagrid looked at Ron with some sort of expression on his face, but Kakashi couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be.

"We're bein' watching, Ron," he answered.

"What d'you mean?"

"Yeh don' understand," said Hagrid. "The Ministry's keepin' an eye on Dumbledore an' anyone they reckon's in league with him, an'—"

"We know all about that," said Harry. "We know about the Ministry watching Dumbledore—"

"So you couldn't use magic to get there?" asked Ron. "You had to act like Muggles _all the way_?"

"Well, not exactly," said Hagrid. "We jus' had ter be careful, 'cause Olympe an' me, we stick out a bit, so we're not too hard ter follow. We was pretendin' we was goin' on holiday together, so we got inter France an' we made like we was headin' fer where Olympe's school is, 'cause we knew we was bein' tailed by someone from the Ministry—"

"Any idea who you were being tailed by?" Kakashi asked and Hagrid shook his head.

"We had to go slow, cause I'm not really s'posed ter use magic and we knew the Ministry'd be lookin' fer a reason ter run us in. But we managed ter give the berk tailin' us a slip round abou' Dee-John—"

"Oh, Dijon?" said Hermione, suddenly distracted. "I've been there on holiday, did you see—?"

"We chanced a bit o' magic after that, and wasn' a bad journey. Ran inter a couple o' mad trolls on the Polish border, an' I had a slight disagreement with a vampire in a pub in Minsk, but apart from tha', couldn't'a bin smoother."

He drank a bit of tea and told them his story. He told them more than was probably advisable, even by Kakashi's standards.

"A woman named Dolores Umbridge, who's from the Ministry, is a new teacher," Kakashi said when Hagrid was done. "She's also something called a High Inquisitor, so she'll be inspected you class."

"A teacher 'as the righ' to inspec' classes?" he asked.

Before anyone could explain thing, there was loud knocking on his door. Hermione gasped and dropped her mug, breaking it. Fang barked. The five of them looked at the window beside the doorway. It was the shadow of someone very, very familiar.

"_It's her_!" Ron whispered, horrified.

"Get under here!" Harry said, throwing the cloak around all of them. Kakashi was squished in between Hermione and Ron, unable to move his arms without a frightening about of wiggling. "Hagrid, hide our mugs!"

"You were in France helping to save a family of unicorns and got attacked by a manticore," Kakashi said quickly, keeping his voice low. Hagrid looked back, startled, but nodded.

He pulled open the door and stood there, smiling cheerily.

"_So_," she said, loudly and slowly like he was hearing impaired, "You're Hagrid, are you?" She walked inside without an invitation. "Get away," she added to Fang, waving at him uselessly.

"Er—I don' want ter be rude," said Hagrid, "but who are you?"

"My name is Dolores Umbridge."

His eyes went straight to the corner as Umbridge's gaze swept across the room, missing the look entirely.

"Dolores Umbridge?" Hagrid said. "I thought you were one o' them Ministry—don' you work with Fudge?"

"I was Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, yes," she said, pacing the cabin. The four squeezed closer together, which was extremely uncomfortable. "I am now the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher—"

"Tha's brave of yeh," said Hagrid, "there's not many'd take tha' job anymore—"

"—and Hogwarts High Inquisitor," said Umbridge as if she hadn't heard him.

"Oh," said Hagrid.

"What might that be?" Umbridge asked, pointing to the broken mug that he should've grabbed.

"Oh," he repeated, and glanced in the corner again, "oh, tha' was…was Fang. He broke a mug. So I had ter use this one instead." He pointed to his mug, which was still on the table, and Kakashi had to admit that it wasn't too bad of a lie.

"I heard voices," she said, eyes narrowed.

"I was talkin' ter Fang," said Hagrid, which wasn't nearly as believable.

"And was he talking back to you?" she asked.

"Well…in a manner o' speakin'. I sometimes say Fang's near enough human—"

She cut him off with a sound of skepticism and suddenly turned around, walking the length of the cabin. She started looking everywhere, checking in the cupboards, in the cauldron, under the bed. As she came over to the table, Kakashi pulled the cloak over the soles of their shoes. She straightened and looked at Hagrid, offering no explanation.

"What has happened to you?" she asked. "How did you sustain those injuries?"

"Oh, I…had a bit of an accident," Hagrid answered.

"What sort of accident?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Well, I go' on the bad side o' a manticore. Nasty creatures, they are."

"You were attacked by a manticore," she said, raising one eyebrow.

"Yeah, tha's right," he answered. "I came across a mother's nest abou' a week ago an' she attacked. Getting away is 'ard without fighting, yeh see, and I didn' want ter—"

"Where have you been?" Umbridge asked, cutting him off.

"Where've I…?"

"Been, yes. Term started more than two months ago. Another teacher has had to cover your classes. None of your colleagues has been able to give me any information on your whereabouts. You left no address. Where have you been?"

"I was in France," he answered. "Ou' in Alsace-Lorrain."

"And what were you doin' in France?"

After a slight pause, he said, "I was called down by a friend ter save a family o' unicorns. There are these things called minefields down in Alsace. The mother go' injured and the foal wouldn' leave 'er side. I was given leave 'til I could get 'em healed."

"I shall, of course, be informing the Minister of your late return," she said, and she seemed to believe him.

He nodded. "Righ'."

"You ought to know too that as High Inquisitor it is my unfortunate but necessary duty to inspect my fellow teachers," she added. "So I daresay we shall meet again soon enough."

Without giving even a polite goodbye, she turned and walked out the door.

"You're inspecting us?" said Hagrid before she could leave.

"Oh, yes," said Umbridge, hand on the doorknob. "The minister is determined to weed out unsatisfactory teachers, Hagrid. Good night." Then she left, shutting the door tightly behind her.

Harry went to go pull off the cloak, but Hermione grabbed his hand and said, "Not yet, she might not be gone yet."

Hagrid pulled the curtain back an inch or so. "She's goin' back ter the castle," he said quietly after a moment. "Blimey, inspectin' people, is she? Yeh weren't lyin'."

"Yeah," said Harry, pulling off the cloak. They scooted apart and his arms could work again. "Trelawney's on probation already…"

"Um…what sort of thing are you planning to do with us in class, Hagrid?" asked Hermione.

"Oh, don' you worry abou' that, I've got a great load o' lessons planned," he answered. "I've bin keepin' couple o' creatures saved fer yer O.W.L year, you wait, they're somethin' really special."

"Erm…special in what way?"

"I'm not sayin'," said Hagrid, "I don' want ter spoil the surprise."

"Look, Hagrid," she said with an edge of panic to her voice. "Professor Umbridge won't be happy if you bring in anything to class that's too dangerous—"

"Dangerous?" said Hagrid and he looked honestly confused, which didn't bode well. "Don' be silly, I wouldn' give yeh anythin' dangerous! I mean, all righ', they can look after themselves—"

"Hagrid! You've got to pass Umbridge's inspection, and to do that it would really be better if she saw you teaching us how to look after porkocks, how to tell the difference between knarls and hedgehogs, stuff like that!"

"But tha's not very interesting', Hermione," said Hagrid. "The stuff I've got's much more impressive, I've bin bringin' 'em on fer years, I reckon I've got the on'y domestic herd in Britain—"

As he started going through the hand seals for a Shunshin, he said, "I have to go. Dumbledore needs to know your cover. Nice meeting you."

"Wait, wha'—"

And he disappeared.

.

Again, so sorry!


End file.
